...and raising hell?.
i read a lot of experiences that so many went through while a jw...the judicial committee meetings, the verbal abuse from elders and pioneers, the intrusion into private matters, the list goes on and on.
i haven't had to endure some of the terrible things that some have endured, though there was always the constant counsel about grooming, music, movies, cars, etc.. sometimes i think, knowing what i know now, that if i ever had to go back for whatever reason, i could really enjoy being a thorn in the side of many of the elders and over-righeous zealots.
I went to the Memorial the first few years I was out just to ease the shock for my husband. Each year I got a little more pissed off and finally skipped it the last two years. Funny, I remember back when, telling my husband that you could really tell when people had gone over the edge when they didn't even make the Memorial. I am so glad to be over that edge now.
I have thought it might be kind of fun to go to the Memorial sometime and partake just to see what they'd do....
o.k i confess: sometimes i still wish i was in high school where i was tucked away safely away from the real world.
oh yeah, and i pick my nose sometimes.
what are your confessions?
What is this comment oldflame? I live in Redding, so it caught my eye.
I wish that Redding, California was the next town away from Kansas city, Missouri. LOL
i suffer from depression and have been on meds, but now i choose not to take them.
i am thinking of going back into just "therepy" but my question is do jws beleive in therepy?
im not a jw but i do read and beleive the jw way.
You didn't mention how long you had taken the meds. Having taken them off and on many times in the past, I found the side affects you mentioned didn't continue after taking for a while. You can also go to you doctor and discuss the side affects and see if something else would be better for you.
I would also recomment therapy along with the meds, for the best results. As an Ex-JW for 20+ years, I would NOT recommend seeking advice from untrained persons at a Kingdom Hall. Many there suffer from frequent depression and I haven't seen counseling by Elders to be of any benefit; if anything, it could tend to make it worse.
Good luck to you and take care of yourself.
ok. i feel like i'm the only one on this discussion board who hasn't met at least one member.
so i figured it was time to open my door and invite ya'll in for some southern hospitality.. i live in horn lake, ms which is about 35-40 minutes from memphis (depending on traffic).
so you can use that to gauge how far you are from me.
I haven't met anyone, but since I only found the board yesterday, I guess that's not too fair. I actually don't even know anyone in my area since I never attended meetings here.
I'm in Redding, CA if there is anyone out there! I was active in Kingman, AZ and Payson/Spanish Fork UT
ah, where to start.
i have been married for 30 years and was a jw with my husband for 20+.
we raised 6 children in the borg; none of which, thankfully, stuck with it.
DY -
Thanks for the advice. I do understand where you are coming from and apologize for being on the defensive. I guess what it boils down to is the lack of that kind of relationship with my husband. I am very happy for you that you have a good, sound relationship with your husband.
Take care, and again, thanks for trying to be helpful.
ah, where to start.
i have been married for 30 years and was a jw with my husband for 20+.
we raised 6 children in the borg; none of which, thankfully, stuck with it.
OUCH DY!
I have successfully left but as you should know, JWs never let go or give up. Yes, I am whining and maybe even looking for a way out. Try living life day-to-day with someone that you know thinks you are going to be destroyed and your children too. Listen every day about how corrupt the world is and how bad people are and only Jehovah can help. Listen to the condemnation of every holiday that comes along. And helping out with charities...only God's Kingdom can really help people, not charities.
Then go look at the history on our computer and see the porn sites visited one after another and listen to the drunken arguments about when the symptoms of my disease (leaving the JWs) first started. And no, I don't have a problem with porn....I have a problem with the typical JW judgmental mentality that is always ready to condemn and see people destroyed while the rafter is lodged in their eye. I love my husband for what he used to be, but I hate the aura of hypocrisy and superiority that I live with while he's commenting about making sure his relationship with Jehovah stays on track and his service stays strong. And of course, he always tells me how much he loves me and hopes we can work through things; that he only wants me to be happy.
Whine? Bitter, confused and angry? Yeah, I guess. As I said from the beginning, I don't know what I want or expect; I just thought I could vent. Hey, I guess you could just use the excuse my husband uses with the 'friends': 'She's going through menopause and just freaked out'!
elders were famous for making up stupid rules with no bible base at all as an ego trip i guess, what were some of yours?
i am not talking about the stupid rules that we all had to follow, just the congregation specific silly ones.. 1. having to button your jacket while on stage (this was later changed due to all the elders having a beer gut).
2. suits only or no privledges.
The Smurfs? I remember that one and didn't allow my kids to watch them on TV or own one. Didn't you know that one child had a stuffed one that came to life at night....the little demon!
Remember the bright colored suits in the late 80's/early 90's? My boys were counseled about wearing them because they were inappropriate and it drew attention to themselves. And then there was my daughter's hair that stood up too high in the front, and my other daughter who had too much of a slit in her skirt. And then, and then.....
ah, where to start.
i have been married for 30 years and was a jw with my husband for 20+.
we raised 6 children in the borg; none of which, thankfully, stuck with it.
Thanks FreeWilly. You know, in all the years I've been 'healing', the advice I hear most is to look out for myself as a priority. I've spent my whole life first, by being raised by controlling parents and then marrying a controlling man in a controlling religion. Top that off with a large family and I lost myself a long time ago. And now I am looking for volunteer work because I don't know what to do with myself. Such a realization as I type this reply!
I guess the hardest thing I will ever try to accomplish is to think of myself first.....the number one advice from friends and even my children. Why is it so damn hard? I really don't think I want to be a martyr. I keep trying and I have noticed as I make small steps, even though I feel totally selfish, it becomes easier and almost feels good.
ah, where to start.
i have been married for 30 years and was a jw with my husband for 20+.
we raised 6 children in the borg; none of which, thankfully, stuck with it.
Thank you all for your encouragement. I actually spent a lot of time in chat rooms and such when I was first coming out. It was the only way I survived. At first I struggled trying to find another religion to fill what I thought was a void, but that only lead to more confusion. Now I find myself just drifting aimlessly.
My last child turned eighteen a few months back and I feel I have done my best to run interference between all the kids and their father. He loves them all and they love him, he has just been an overbearing, domineering JW Dad that can never admit when he is wrong. He was never physically abusive but very verbally abusive, along with lots of yelling and screaming. There has been alcohol abuse involved and a great amount of hypocrisy, with him holding fast to nothing being more important in life than 'the truth' and all of us needing to 'make things right with Jehovah'.
The kids all ran out the door at 18, most married and many have failed because of marrying too young just to get away. Of course they never dated and had no idea what relationships were about. They just knew it as a way out and their Dad was content with their decisions of at least getting marrried and not living in sin. They also have great resentment towards the religion and the affects it's had on their lives.
The question on whether I love him. Well, we were great friends in high school, pre-JW days. He studied with the JWs for a while before we got married and never mentioned them. Of course, I found books, asked questions and then we began studying together. We even separated for a year because I felt I couldn't live up to the requirements. I ended up throwing in the towel and going back. Babies came one after another because remember back then, vasectomy wasn't an option for any man if he was to be considered for any position in the congregation. I finally convinced him after the last one, that we could justify it because of the toll on my health. So back to the question...yes, I love him but have not been 'in love' for a long, long time. We simply have a lot of history and scattered good memories. We share nothing now except our children but he claims to love me unconditionally.
I have no friends outside work. He has his ring of sympathizing JWs that feel for his position of living with his weak and stumbled wife. We have moved several times since I stopped attending. Nobody ever seemed to give a crap when I stopped anyway, never asked why or what they could do to encourage me; so typical. I'm confused about religion and looking for something to do with my life. I signed up to be a Red Cross volunteer and have a day-long training in a week. I'm hoping that will give me something to do with my life.
Sorry....I've been rambling. You know how easy it is when you finally find someone who understands. Thanks again.
ah, where to start.
i have been married for 30 years and was a jw with my husband for 20+.
we raised 6 children in the borg; none of which, thankfully, stuck with it.
Ah, where to start. I have been married for 30 years and was a JW with my husband for 20+. We raised 6 children in the borg; none of which, thankfully, stuck with it. Having 6 children, I stayed in the marriage and organization because I feared I could not raise them all on my own. When the last few were approaching their teens and rebelled against going to the meetings, I joined them. That was about 7 years ago now.
It caused a lot of upset at first but my husband calmed down after a while. He was/is the typical JW controlling type and I was the submissive, go-along-with-anything wife. Things have been very strained between us for the past several years as I have been become more and more vocal about my loathing and resentment of this destructive cult. He still hopes that some day I will come around and he says he will never give up hope....I continue to build resentment.
I guess I don't even know what my question and or problem is. After being an active JW for so many years, and believe me, everything was by the book and fanatical, I know what the religion teaches and how someone like me is viewed by them. I openly declare myself an apostate to my husband and tell him I will NEVER come back to being a JW. He seems to be willing to wait it out. It tears me up to think that his belief is that he will live forever and his wife and children will all be destroyed; afterall, he has to believe that, right? And the smugness I know he has when he thinks about me trying to find a different religion when he knows they are all pagan.
I suppose the bottom line is.....I want out....I can't stand it....I hate everything about the JWs. I hate the books and magazines all over our house and I hate even hearing the religion mentioned. We have been married a long, long time and of course there is love, but we have absolutely nothing in common anymore. He seems willing to stay with me, but my life is an empty shell. I just don't know how to do it without just walking out the door and hurting him. What a stupid dilemna, huh? I've gone to church a few different times and that hasn't blown things up, even sent for some B'Hai information and had it sent to the house. I celebrate XMAS with my kids now, along with their birthdays.
There is no easy answer, is there? I guess I know that, but just felt compelled to vent a bit. This sight is great.
