Posts by twinflame

63

SECRECY, Pros and Cons...UBM's, I'm asking you

by jgnat in

"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.

i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.

help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.

twinflame

(((carla)))

try crawling in bed with someone who thinks you are worthy of death and filled with satan. No he has never said such things to me but the org says it everyday about all non believers of the wts bullshit

This really nails it on the head although he claims he doesn't feel this way because he still keeps hoping I will come around in time. But I know what I've read and I know what my fate is according to WTS doctrine. Not an intimacy-inducing feeling.

Trust is also a big issue. According to JW mentality, they are the only truly moral people. If you stop going to meetings, it leaves you wide open for other worldly attitudes. Worldly people have no morals. How can an apostate possibly be trusted.

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SECRECY, Pros and Cons...UBM's, I'm asking you

by jgnat in

"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.

i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.

help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.

twinflame

vitty....wow, first time I was ever called Betty Boop....sounded pretty funny hearing it.

Do you still love your husbands? And how do you when they are so emotinally removed from you ?

I was 20 when we were married. I love the familiarity, afraid of change. Our marriage was much like being in the borg in a controlling, guilt ridden type of way, so I have a lot of insecurity about 'where would I go away to' type of feelings. Claims that I could not make it on my own...yada, yada. He can be a good man and has been a good provider and he loves me. I guess I'm just not much 'in love' since I feel like I can't share his hopes and dreams and work towards them together.

They seem so remote and even cruel towards your feelings, I wonder how Jehovah regards them.

He doesn't mean to be cruel. I guess after being a JW myself for over 20 years, I know why he thinks the way he does. As I said, sometimes I find it difficult to separate him from the WTS and have a lot of resentment. I have no feelings one way or another about Jehovah. I can't go there.

Do you ever have intimate times together, I dont mean sex, but do you ever get connected emotinally, you know when you cuddle up and say how much you love each other and all that stuff.

Only sex and that is not very good without intimacy. I miss that.

How do you cope?????

Alcohol. Seriously. My own fault for not doing something more.

29

Is Discussing Jehovah's Witnesses Therapeutic For You???

by minimus in

jw
friends

it is for me.

i find that when i tell a person exactly how witnesses think and why they believe in things the certain way they do, it feels good!

listening to myself express the craziness of the religion makes me abhor their practices and mind control.

twinflame

It is wonderful to know there are people that understand what you have gone through and the lingering affects that remain. Reading posts here has also raised my awareness of what some have gone through and made me realize leaving was much easier for me than others. I have learned about empathy to a huge degree.

I love telling anyone that has questions about the wrongness of the WTS and their control, deceptiveness and ruination of families. I am more grateful to be out than I am ashamed to have been in. If I could ever sway the decision of anyone considering becoming a JW, it would be a huge triumph.

I absolutely hate the thought of trying to talk to an active JW about it. It makes my blood boil from frustration. I would only do so with one that had seriously expressed doubts.

63

SECRECY, Pros and Cons...UBM's, I'm asking you

by jgnat in

"unbelieving mates" (ubm's), this is for you.

i'm compiling a tips sheet for brand-new ubm's to help them deal with the stresses and strains of being in a religiously mixed marriage.

help me out by giving me your experience, both good and bad, about secrecy.

twinflame

Are you open with your partner about your participation on this board? This board, no. He knew I visited chat rooms when I first stopped attending but I'm pretty sure he think I have 'gotten over it'.
Do you hide your reference materials from your partner? I did at first. He found my books in a closet a couple years ago and he asked me if he could take them and put them in a storage shed we rented. He claimed he had been having trouble sleeping at night and thought it was the demons surrounding the material I had. I told him he could do whatever he wanted with them because I had already read them and learned what I needed. Of course he slept better when they were gone. LOL
Have you had any close calls, and if so, describe them? My first contact on the Net was in an AOL chatroom for DF'd persons. My husband was using my AOL account one time when someone IM'd me. He seemed more concerned that it was a male sending me a message than an apostate.
If you are secretive about your anti-JW activities, do you plan on coming clean with your partner at some time? I never felt like it was something I wanted to hide. I did try to arm myself first, but it didn't really do any good. He was/is a good JW, former elder ;and was very good at twisting scriptures. I spent most of my time struggling with the kids at the meetings and never learned more than the basic dos and don'ts in 20 years.
If you do plan on coming clean, when do you anticipate doing so?
If your partner is aware of your anti-JW activity, how do they react? My husband's first reaction was very negative. He outright said that if he ever thought I was actively opposed, he would divorce me and even told a couple of the kids that he was thinking about it. I never did figure out what that meant. That was 7 years ago now. I asked him a few months ago about the comment and he said he still felt the same way. I told him I didn't know how I could be any more opposed than I am; that I HATE the borg. He said if I acted on it, it would be different. I assured him that when the subject ever comes up in any way that I do anything I can to persuade someone to look into the teachings and expose them as the liars they are and that I feel it is my obligation to warn people. So....I don't really know what he meant....maybe picketing an assembly?
Any stories to share? Well....I sometimes think it is harder for me to live with him than it is for him to live with me. I know what the publications say about apostates and how wicked and evil they are. I know what they say my fate will be. He feels sorry for me for being misled by apostates who have taken away the 'truth' from me and in typical fashion, replaced it with nothing but emptiness. It is extremely frustrating at times to wonder what he must really think of me; maybe it's my own feeling of inadequacy. I would find it hard to live with someone and love someone that was the type of person that the WTS describes me to be. It also makes me feel very weird to know that he expects some day I will be destroyed with the rest of the wicked world. It gives me a very sad and distorted view on what love is. It just doesn't seem right. I know some people think I am looking for excuses to not be married to him after 30 years, but that is not it. I get confused in my own mind sometimes in trying to separate him from the WTS that I hate so much. It's like living with another woman; one he loves more than me and will choose over me if ever need be. When I start thinking about all this, it just makes me throw up my hands and shake my head. I have no idea what it all means......

18

Does anyone find reading in here dpressing?

by klinton in

jw
friends

sorry to be a downer...but i'm just new here.

i've been scanning topics and reading people's various stories....and i have to say, a lot of what i'm seeing is just eating me up.

i've actually teared up a few times.

twinflame

I was just thinking along the same lines. I thought I was done; thought I was healed. Then I came here and started reading and found it is still a festering sore underneath. Some things I read here sicken me while other things break my heart. I think a good gauge in where you are is when you turn it outward and begin helping others. That's where I'd like to be....some day.

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