Great questions JGNAT!
- Are you open with your partner about your participation on this board? No Way! To do so in my opinion would violate trust. Furthermore, it would allow my jw to gain insights into my connivings.
- Do you hide your reference materials from your partner? Absolutely. Trust again.
- Have you had any close calls, and if so, describe them? I cleaned up an old account that she knew I usedem with ubm emails. One day I was opening it up and she walked up. It should have been ok, but I took a deep breath before the inbox opened. Luckily there were no ubm emails!
- If you are secretive about your anti-JW activities, do you plan on coming clean with your partner at some time? I doubt I ever will completely. I could see doing this only after she were out... way out.
- If you do plan on coming clean, when do you anticipate doing so? When she is out.
- If your partner is aware of your anti-JW activity, how do they react? When I read apostate books openly in the past, it became a big scandal in the hall, and made everyone uncomfortable.
- Any stories to share?
I guess my summary of advice on this would contain two basic premises. First of all, to assist your loved one in gaining a new perspective you have to have their trust. THis is step one. Without this, there is no step 2, 3, 4, 5...9487373. Now you can say you are only trying to get a second opinoin, but then anything you mention will automatically be suspect. Apostate books are written by Satan in their eyes. This all then speaks to the need for some level of secrecy. You can't overtly say that you are trying to help steer them out of the org and expect them to trust you in any way.
On the other hand I am a firm beleiver in honesty. We have to be honest with ourselves, and anytime we engage in deciet even by omission, we take up a burden that has to be maintained at all times! I would recommend therefore, to make the level of secrecy to a minimum. I therefore have cultivated a personality that is acceptable to the witness, but completely truthful and accurate. This is an absoute necessity because you have to have a legitmate reason for NOT being a jw. To the jw, their paradigm is God's paradigm. To not believe it out of ignorance is acceptable because ignorance can be changed. To reject it is to reject God. To reject God is to embrace Satan. To embrace Satan is to become the enemy. Make your life easier. Embrace ignorance.
My persona is this: I am only interested in truth. Whatever the truth is, I will accept it. If the jw are right, their teachings will withstand any scrutiny, and I will be forced to accept it. I am a Christian because I have faith in my salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I don't see any scriptural account of salvation, or a specific statement that stipulates that joining a certain group of imperfect people is a requirement of salvation. I therefore simply see no reason why I need to be a witness. I never criticize the witnesses or even say they are wrong. I only say I don't agree with this or that. I am completely open and interested in anything they have to say. I go to their meetings. I study with them. I befriend them. But I doggedly insist that I only will follow my own conscience.
This is completely honest, it is a completely fair and scripturally irrefuteable position. Furthermore it puts the witness in the uncomfortable position of trying to show you that despite the fact there is no requirement to be a jw, it is nevertheless something you "just have to do". They will attempt to show it is required, but it is pure sophistry, and so far easily refuted.
The most honest thing though, is to be honest about your emotions. You are likely going to be hurt or angry by your experiences with a jw loved one. You do need to make those feelings known or they will fester into resentment and rage. If you develop these sorts of feelings, any efforts to help the jw will be hamstrung. So by all means, discuss your feelings. Just be very careful to focus your discussions on the individual jw, do not let the org become the focus.
Caveat: If children are involved the matter is much more complicated!
