1. On a scale of one to ten, one being the lowest, how do you rate the importance of trust in your relationship? I rate the importance of it as a 10.
2. One to ten, intimacy? I'd rate the importance of itimacy as an 8; my husband would say it is a 10 since he gauges our relationship's success based on sex. He may be right because since my leaving JW's our intimacy has suffered greatly because of the other areas. I think intimacy is a reflection of our condition so right now it is probably a 1-2.
3. One to ten, honesty? I think it should be a 10 but I am unable to be completely honest when it comes to religion.
4. Does your partner trust you? Why? I don't think so, at least not like he used to. He has the mindset that only JWs are truly moral people, so how could he? He doesn't come out and say it, but after 30 years, I can read between-the-lines in his comments. If you can leave Jehovah then you're capable of anything, right?
5. Do you trust your partner? Why? Absolutely, in the area of fidelity. I have questioned trust in my safety at times when we have had anti-JW discussions. Even though the JWs talk often about items being possessed by demons, I think it is them that become possessed by the WTS.
6. What does it take for your trust to rebuild? Is it time? Certain actions of your partner? N/A
7. For you, what is the ultimate trust-breaker? That is, if your partner betrayed you on this, you could not rebuild your trust? Physical violence in any degree would absolutely destroy any and every thing. Or if I heard about him talking about my stand against the JWs in a public talk of any kind and using my 'apostasy' as an example.
8. Has your partner ever told you that you must adjust your attitude and forgive them? Everything is always my fault because I'm the one that changed. He only wants what's best for me. I'm the one that left Jehovah.
9. Has your partner ever diminished your feelings of betrayal, for example, saying it's not such a big deal? The only example I can think of for this is that my husband completely diminishes every thing I have ever found out about JW lies and he thinks I have been completely brainwashed by apostates.
10. Anything else to add? (My favorite question) I made a comment last week to my husband about something I had read on the board, before I thought about where I would have gotten the information. He made no comment at the time but then asked me a couple of days later why I had asked the question. I told him I read it on the internet and he wanted to know if I was still going to 'apostate websites'. I told him I still read things from time to time. He immediately wanted to know when I started that again, how often, who I talked to and why did I still feel like I needed to do that. How do you answer all those questions tactfully, without causing insult? I told him it would be better if we really didn't discuss it because I didn't want to make him feel bad. He kept persisting so the conversation did not go well. The point I finally made to him was that he needed to accept that I am no different from all the other 'apostates' on 'those' websites that he is so disgusted by. I told him I hate the WTS and we should not discuss them or it just causes problems for our relationship. So far it was left as a 'to be continued' episode. He just doesn't know what to think about me and what I have become. I find trust, honesty and openness something very difficult to maintain through all of this.