When elders disagree....

by Lilycurly 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Lilycurly

  Here's the situation...

  My DA has been finally announced last thursday. Now, the thing is, my father asked the elders if it was still okay for him to talk to me.

  Elder1 says :No, she is DAed, is not living with her family anymore, you can't talk or associate with her in any way. (That elder has been shunning his daughter for a few years now.)

  Elder2 says: I think you can, the WT says if she is still in the family circle, you can still speak to her.

  My father: is confused, understandably.

  Now, that's what the dilema is all about. I don't live at home, but I regularly see my family on the weekend, we go to the movies and stuff like that. So elder2 thinks that could be included in close family circle. The other doesn't. They say the case could even be sent to the WT itself.lol Now, I'm sure something like that happenned before!? Surely I'm not the first one to see her family on the weekend!? Couldn't any DA person say they see their family on a regular basis not to be shuned?

  This is messed up but it makes me happy somehow...gives me hope that my father may start to open his eyes and see that the organisation isn't all that God sent. My little brother even told me that he was raising his voice when on the phone with one of them yesterday night. That's a good sign...he never dared to raise his voice with them before.hihi
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  
  Interesting, and more so that your dad isn't just rolling over and accepting the more-restrictive opinion which would be the normal jw tendancy.

  Hope it works out the best for you!

  (Couldn't hurt to call Brooklyn yourself and see what they say. If they say something good, tell him. If they don't, CLAM UP!!!)

  Watchtower = 718-560-5000 edited to add: Canadian Branch = 905-873-4100

  Dave
• 

  undercover

  The fact that a person has to ask their church leaders if they can associate with their own flesh and blood family shows that the one asking is in a cult.
• 

  rwagoner

  I DA'd...my folks helped us with childcare every week for awhile....were told by the CO that only contact for FAMILY EMERGENCIES were allowed.
• 

  Lilycurly

  Ha! I might give them a call, that would be sweet.

  Also, yes, absolutely (about the cult). It is total nonsense. I'm reading a great book right now about how to recognize a cult and this is one of the top points. I think my father is hesitating because he is an extremely sensitive and loving man. I think he would have a real hard time if he couldn't talk to me. I am his first born daughter and we've always had this connection. We are so alike. He knows his entire family would give him hell too, he is the only JW . So he is probably trying to open up an easier door for himself...
• 

  atypical

  As far as I know, the official watchtower stance would be that your parents should not be talking to you. However, instead of asking permission, most families I have heard of in that situation just go ahead and visit, but try not to make it known.

  I agree with Undercover - having to ask permission to talk to your family? WTF?
• 

  Lilycurly

  The thing is...my mother is not a JW, so it would create a whole lot of problems for him if if he can't talk to me. I guess he felt the need to ask because he is so scared he might get reproved.
• 

  BluesBrother

  ***

  km 8/02 p. 4 Display Christian Loyalty When a Relative Is Disfellowshipped ***

  9

  Relatives Not in the Household: "The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home," states The Watchtower of April 15, 1988, page 28. "It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum," in harmony with the divine injunction to "quit mixing in company with anyone" who is guilty of sinning unrepentantly. (1 Cor. 5:11) Loyal Christians should strive to avoid needless association with such a relative, even keeping business dealings to an absolute minimum.—See also The Watchtower of September 15, 1981, pages 29-30.....

  After hearing a talk at a circuit assembly, a brother and his fleshly sister realized that they needed to make adjustments in the way they treated their mother, who lived elsewhere and who had been disfellowshipped for six years. Immediately after the assembly, the man called his mother, and after assuring her of their love, he explained that they could no longer talk to her unless there were important family matters requiring contact. Shortly thereafter, his mother began attending meetings and was eventually reinstated. Also, her unbelieving husband began studying and in time was baptized."

  ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................

  I am sure that the party line has not changed since this article, of which I select a couple of paragraphs. I cannot see how the elders can have any doubt.
• 

  carla

  The fact that this grown man has to ask if he can talk to his own daughter and then get conflicting answers and he can't see a problem here? Which elder is more prominent? Will that make a difference as to his final decision? Sorry you even have to worry about this!
• 

  Legolas

  I hope it opens his eyes!