An 70-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
back
a semen sample tomorrow."
the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
like
this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with
my
left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried
with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her
mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
nothing.
with
both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her
knees, but still nothing."
Edited to make the man older!
MsMcDucket
JoinedPosts by MsMcDucket
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4
Sperm Count
by MsMcDucket inan 70-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.. .
the doctor gave the man a jar and said, "take this jar home and bring.
back.
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MsMcDucket
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Is There A Happy Balance To Deprogramming A Witness?
by minimus init's not easy to help a jw see that they are misled.
i see thatsometimes you can get them to really see a matter clearly and other times they feel like you're beating them up.
i had a conversation with my mom yesterday and it's funny----sometimes she'll accept it all and other times she doesn't want to deal.
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MsMcDucket
Maybe WE should go out in "field service". Have our little booklet on how the organization got started, tell about Beth Sarim, Rutherford's womanizing and drinking, prophecies that didn't come true, 607, the affiliation with the UN, Skyman's research on blood transfusions, and more.... Have our own little pamphlets that we hand out to Witnesses as we go out in service.Ask them if they would like to learn about the history of their organization?
Oh yeah! And tell them that we would be willing to use their bible and publications to show them about their religion.
Had to add this too! Before every Apostafest, go out in field service and then gather at the Apostafest for fellowshipping! -
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Is There A Happy Balance To Deprogramming A Witness?
by minimus init's not easy to help a jw see that they are misled.
i see thatsometimes you can get them to really see a matter clearly and other times they feel like you're beating them up.
i had a conversation with my mom yesterday and it's funny----sometimes she'll accept it all and other times she doesn't want to deal.
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MsMcDucket
Minimus, exactly! How do we "plant the seed" of doubt? How do we make it grow!?
arrrrrgh!
Damitol!!
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Sleep trouble - any tips??
by Super_Becka inargh, i'm a little on the frustrated side right now, so i'm looking for some help.. i'm usually quite good at getting lots of sleep, i'm usually in bed at a decent hour in the night and can usually get between 7 and 9 hours of sleep a night (more on the weekends, of course), but for the last week or so, i've been having some trouble sleeping.
a scattered night of sleeplessness can be expected from time to time, but it's been about 10 days now, that's a little excessive.
i do all of my usual things during the day - classes, homework, chores, cooking, cleaning, errands - and i never nap during the day, i avoid all forms of caffeine after 5pm, and i always go to bed feeling like it's time for me to go to sleep, i'm usually tired at bedtime, but lately, it's been taking me forever to get to sleep.
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MsMcDucket
Here's an article that I found on the web:
HOW TO SLEEP WELL
Updated April 7, 1999
CAN'T SLEEP?
Nothing is more frustrating than not being able to sleep. Tossing and turning. Your mind is racing, going over everything that happened today. Night noises keep you awake. What can you do? There ARE things you can do! Read on and learn some new tricks to sleep well. These tips are also known as "Sleep Hygiene."- Sleep only when sleepy
This reduces the time you are awake in bed.
- If you can't fall asleep within 20 minutes, get up and do something boring until you feel sleepy
Sit quietly in the dark or read the warranty on your refrigerator. Don't expose yourself to bright light while you are up. The light gives cues to your brain that it is time to wake up.
- Don't take naps
This will ensure you are tired at bedtime. If you just can't make it through the day without a nap, sleep less than one hour, before 3 pm.
- Get up and go to bed the same time every day
Even on weekends! When your sleep cycle has a regular rhythm, you will feel better.
- Refrain from exercise at least 4 hours before bedtime
Regular exercise is recommended to help you sleep well, but the timing of the workout is important. Exercising in the morning or early afternoon will not interfere with sleep.
- Develop sleep rituals
It is important to give your body cues that it is time to slow down and sleep. Listen to relaxing music, read something soothing for 15 minutes, have a cup of caffeine free tea, do relaxation exercises.
- Only use your bed for sleeping
Refrain from using your bed to watch TV, pay bills, do work or reading. So when you go to bed your body knows it is time to sleep. Sex is the only exception.
- Stay away from caffeine, nicotine and alcohol at least 4-6 hours before bed
Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants that interfere with your ability to fall asleep. Coffee, tea, cola, cocoa, chocolate and some prescription and non-prescription drugs contain caffeine. Cigarettes and some drugs contain nicotine. Alcohol may seem to help you sleep in the beginning as it slows brain activity, but you will end end up having fragmented sleep.
- Have a light snack before bed
If your stomach is too empty, that can interfere with sleep. However, if you eat a heavy meal before bedtime, that can interfere as well. Dairy products and turkey contain tryptophan, which acts as a natural sleep inducer. Tryptophan is probably why a warm glass of milk is sometimes recommended.
- Take a hot bath 90 minutes before bedtime
A hot bath will raise your body temperature, but it is the drop in body temperature that may leave you feeling sleepy. Read about the study done on body temperature below.
Trouble Sleeping? Chill Out! - A press release from the journal Sleep about the significance in body temperature before sleep
- Make sure your bed and bedroom are quiet and comfortable
A hot room can be uncomfortable. A cooler room along with enough blankets to stay warm is recommended. If light in the early morning bothers you, get a blackout shade or wear a slumber mask. If noise bothers you, wear earplugs or get a "white noise" machine.
- Use sunlight to set your biological clock
As soon as you get up in the morning, go outside and turn your face to the sun for 15 minutes.
ARTICLES
Sleep Problems Are Costly - CNN
Sleep Tips from CNN Plus Online
Sleep Clinics Help the Weary Find Relief - CNN
Healthy Sleep - Pacific Coast Feather Co.
Tips for Restful Sleep - Group Health Co-Op
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Sleep trouble - any tips??
by Super_Becka inargh, i'm a little on the frustrated side right now, so i'm looking for some help.. i'm usually quite good at getting lots of sleep, i'm usually in bed at a decent hour in the night and can usually get between 7 and 9 hours of sleep a night (more on the weekends, of course), but for the last week or so, i've been having some trouble sleeping.
a scattered night of sleeplessness can be expected from time to time, but it's been about 10 days now, that's a little excessive.
i do all of my usual things during the day - classes, homework, chores, cooking, cleaning, errands - and i never nap during the day, i avoid all forms of caffeine after 5pm, and i always go to bed feeling like it's time for me to go to sleep, i'm usually tired at bedtime, but lately, it's been taking me forever to get to sleep.
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MsMcDucket
Better check to make sure that you don't have sleep apnea or GERD. My doctor told me that I had to have "good sleep hygiene". Meaning that the bedroom should be for sleeping. No TV in the bedroom, no eating in the bedroom, no computer in the bedroom. I'm supposed to use CPAP because I have Upper Airway Resistance Syndrome, pretty much brought on by my thyroidectomy that left me with a paralyzed vocal cord (it obstructs have my airway). Anyway, just like the others said, "check with your doctor", and go from there.
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What has hurt you the most for being a JW?
by MsMcDucket in.
or what do you regret most about being a jw?.
for me it's being alienated by my twin daughters.
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MsMcDucket
Or what do you regret most about being a JW?
For me it's being alienated by my twin daughters.
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Help!
by lola28 inokay am i the only one that has noticed how many people have shown up here during the last week or so asking for advise regarding dating a jw?
so whats the best advise you have to give people that are dating witnesses?.
post it here.. mine would be.
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MsMcDucket
Do not become unevenly yoked!
You cannot change a person. The person has to want to change.
If you love the person that much, be ready to make a lot of concessions.
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Imagine going in the field service with this
by JH in.
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i can just imagine the faces of the elders if i arrived at the field service meeting with this.....
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MsMcDucket
Is it a one person car or two? I mean is it a two-seater?
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A long Rant.....And a new beginning
by mandivided inhey everyone,.
my name is joe.
i've been a lurker for a while and just registered today.
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MsMcDucket
Hey Joe, what do you know! (Sorry, I couldn't resist!) Pull up a chair and have a seat. You'll find that the people have a wealth of information and are willing to give you support. You're going to need a lifeline now that you're out. But, I can tell you, the world outside of the "Watchtower" ain't what they told you it would be. There are good people out there everywhere. You just have got to be willing to let them in. Something that can be hard for a lot of us to do.
Welcome!
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Anyone else in PUTERNUT's shoes? Despairing? COME TO US!
by AlmostAtheist inhey guys,.
listen, we were all "brothers" and "sisters" at one time and it didn't really mean shit.
i'd've turned my back on the lot o' ya when i was a jw and i found out you were apostates.. but now we're all truly brothers and sisters.
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MsMcDucket
Dave, in the above post, I was just trying to take some of the load of you...
Man, sometimes, I just can't put my words together. I'm just trying to be helpful.
