Posts by Jamelle

66

Were you a popular Witness?

by Brigid in

jw
friends

never fit in.

never cared to.

most witnesses bored me to absolute tears.

I would not say that I was ever popular. Our congregation had a ton of other girls my age, and the competition for the 3 boys our age was fierce!!! These girls were very interested in their status with the boys and everything seemed to revolve around that.

I struggled to fit in and struggled to get these girls to like me. I wanted to be the one always invited to parties, etc. This all started for me around the age of 11 and went from there.

When I was in middle school I started to realize that I didn't LIKE these girls. They were petty and snarky and boring and oh so proud of themselves. During a fight with one of them (over what I don't recall) I was told "I'm an elder's daughter so I know what I'm talking about." Puh-leeese!!!

During my later teen years I became a groupie - following after another elder's daughter quite a bit. Boy, did she lap it up. I felt that my pride was a trade for my "popularity-by-associate". And I really thought she was my friend, which hurt me later, as it happens.

Also became close friend's with the PO's daughter. Oddly enough, she turned out to be the worst BA in the whole district. (but that's another story )

Once I got my first job, once I actually met normal kids - BAM! - I was 'Lil Miss Popularity. I had 5 guys all interested in dating me and several new girl friends. I was in heaven!

After years of feeling that there must be something wrong with me - at last I was being appreicated and sought after.

To this day, I have never had difficulty making friends (although I would only count 4 as really close friends). I have never had any trouble in the dating world either - always easy to find a new boyfriend! Of course, I've settled down now.

All those years where I felt sub-standard are gone and I am very self-confident. I don't miss those people I left behind. I thank God or whoever for letting me escape from them.

34

has your language changed since you left?

by fullofdoubtnow in

jw
friends

i know mine has.

i went back to my flat earlier this afternoon to pick some things up, i am moving out of there slowly, and was carrying a heavy box out to my car when i stumbled and dropped it on my foot.

it wasn't too painful, thankfully, but i came out with a stream of expletives, most of them beginning with f. when i was a jw, even thinking those words would have filled me with shame.

Jamelle

I swore privately and under my breath when I was still a JW. Angry teenager and all that...

I swear quite a bit now and I don't even notice it most of the time.

My new favorite comes to me courtesy of a SciFi show. "Frack" slips out more than the true "F" word now. Which cracks me up when I notice it. How geeky am I? LOL

If I'm in front of people I don't know, or around kids, I cool the swearing. But if I'm feeling relaxed and comfortable with those around me, I definitely can have a colorful vocabulary.

6

Just found out my JW little sister is inactive - need advice!!!

by Jamelle in

jw
friends

i've been wanting to share some recent events involving my family for a while.

i'm interested in any input or advice any of you may have to offer.

it's just been a very weird last couple of weeks.... through a chance set of circumstances i have begun communicating with my younger sister (she is 21).

Jamelle

I could - but I don't think she would even consider it. Doing that would really draw the line in the sand as far as my parents are concerned. I think that she is trying to avoid hurting them. Moving in with me would be a slap in their face.

If anything, she may follow through on her plans of getting an apartment of her own locally.

6

Just found out my JW little sister is inactive - need advice!!!

by Jamelle in

jw
friends

i've been wanting to share some recent events involving my family for a while.

i'm interested in any input or advice any of you may have to offer.

it's just been a very weird last couple of weeks.... through a chance set of circumstances i have begun communicating with my younger sister (she is 21).

Jamelle

I've been wanting to share some recent events involving my family for a while. I'm interested in any input or advice any of you may have to offer. It's just been a very weird last couple of weeks...

Through a chance set of circumstances I have begun communicating with my younger sister (she is 21). She is still living at home with my parents. We have been emailing for a little over a week now. And we have had two phone calls, exactly a week apart, where we talked for at least an hour.

She admitted to me that she has been inactive as a JW for almost 3 years now. I was shocked that it had been so long. As we talked I continued to get a picture of what life has been like for her since I left ( almost 8 years ago now ). I didn't like what I heard.

My parents responded to my "departure" by clinging ever more tightly to their youngest child. My mother, in particular, has taken control to new heights. Add to this mix the fact that my mother has always been slightly unstable mentally, as well as a borderline hypochondriac. In recent years she has become addicted to prescription medications and has episodes where she becomes hysterical and/or suicidal.

She has repeatedly put my sister in situations that are unsettling to me. For example, my mother forced her to smuggle in extra pain meds while she was hospitalized. This because the nurses saw that she was abusing her medications and restricted her access to it!! My sister casually told me that every time she goes out she wonders if she'll come home to find that her mother has "done something to herself".

Hearing this - having my suspicions about the direction my mother was heading - made me feel very, VERY, guilty for leaving my sister behind in that mess. I look back and still don't see what else I could have done - but that doesn't address the way I feel.

I would love to see my sister break free of the JWs. I think that it would very possibly send my mother over the edge, and I mean that literally. My sister has mentioned moving away and that is a possible alternative - doing the big fade, so to speak. But it takes alot of courage and self confidence to start your life over again in a strange new city - and she may not have enough of either after years of brainwashing.

She has not asked me any questions that would make me think she doubts the JW doctrines. It's like she still half way believes they might be right. I'm so afraid that I'm going to say something that screams "APOSTATE!" and she will never call me again.

It's just so hard to hear her talk about how she admires the JW's for living such clean moral lives. As if they were the only group that does so. I'm hearing all the "dub speak" that just screams mind control and I'm really amazed at how plain weird it sounds to me now. Of course, it's all shes ever known...

So I guess I just needed to vent...Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any advice or have been through similar situations before I would very much appreciate any input. Thanks again!

29

JW ghost, demon, superstition stories

by RunningMan in

jw
friends

i would like to write an article outlining some of the goofy stories that jws believe.

for example, when i was young, this story went around: .

a couple decided that they would miss the meeting to go to see a hypnotist.

Jamelle

I have heard some of these stories before and some are new to me. What always frightened me most as a child was my mother telling me about the "experiences" her best friend had. (Keep in mind my mother has mental issues - for real - I wish I was joking about that.)

Two seperate stories, both involving her best friend (a JW sister). A woman I knew, I played with her little girl at their house, etc.

According to my mother, on one occasion this friend of hers had purchased a magazine rack from a garage sale. I believe she told me that part of the wood for the rack came from an Ouija board, but I can't say for sure. Anyway, it was supposed to be demonized. My mother's friend had stored it in a closet.

While alone in the house, this sister opened the door to the closet and was immediately thrown back across the room and pinned to the bed. She couldn't breathe or escape. When she finally managed to say the word "Jehovah" out loud, she was released.

The other story was about this same sister having the carpet float or levitate above the floor in one room of the house. Prayers were done by the elders and it didn't happen again.

Soooo...either my mother had heard these stories and put a familiar name on them to scare the bejesus out of a little kid (which she would consider a necessary evil - it was just another way to "keep me in line") or...her friend was seriously troubled and shared these experiences with my mother. Whether she really experienced anything supernatural is a matter for debate. She was a very nervous, high strung woman who had a host of physical ailements. I could see her creating those events in her own mind.

I still have nightmares every once in a long while about this kind of thing. And I still wake up screaming the name "Jehovah!". Of course it comes out as a cracked and broken whisper as I am waking up. It's been months, even years, since the last one.

I hate that the crap I grew up with is still affecting me! But I really appreciate the humorous stories posted here. Laughter is a powerful tool against the brainwashing.

Walking smurf dolls...LOL!

30

Lo' and Behold - I start hearing Kingdom Melodies in the coffee shop.....

by AK - Jeff in

jw
friends

i was peacefully reading an old copy of stephen cox' article "can the truth survive the internet", and all of a sudden i realize that the instrumental music playing is the d*mn kingdom melodies.

it was actually pretty good.

it was that instrumental cd released sometime back with a lot of harp, piano, and woodwinds in it.

Jamelle

Every now and then I get the song "Forward You Witnesses" stuck in my head.

"Forward you Witnesses ever strong of heart

It's true that in God's work you too must have a part

Go tell far and wide God's New Order is here

something, something, something ...be here"

BTW - Didn't I see a post on this site or maybe an article listing the fact that the author of those lyrics was a German witness who collaborated with the Nazis during WWII timeframe? He gave them names of other Witnesses and thus survived the war???

If so, I find the reference to the "New Order" quite interesting. My understanding was that Hitler referred to his version of what the world should be as a "New Order" and that is why Witness changed their terminology at one point and started saying "New System of Things".

The kingdom songs may not be evil in and of their own right - but to me they represent everything that I have tried so hard to leave behind. They trigger thoughts and feelings that are tied up with guilt and doubt. I feel that they are tools used to assist with the brainwashing of the rank & file. Because I feel this way I doubt I will ever be able to appreciate anything about them...

I JUST REMEMBERED - for the longest time I only lip synched during the songs at meeting. I couldn't bring myself to actually sing the words. That was when I was on my way out. It was my own private superstition...if I sang the words I was really accepting the JW mindset...it seems very silly to me now. And very sad...

35

Before or after?

by flag in

jw
friends

i'm curious, when you made your decision to leave the org.

did you do it before or after looking at this kind of internet sites?.

in my case i made my decision without ever looking any of this websites.

Jamelle

Before.

I remember the day I decided to leave the JWs for good. I remember the relief I felt that I'd finally made that decision. It was like the weight of the world rolling off my chest. The sick feeling in my stomach faded.

About 8 months later I found this website. I looked for ex-witness websites on a whim. Up until that time I had dealt with my situation by not facing it. I was somewhat successfully ignoring the first 19 years of my life.

This website and others like it helped me face my past and come to terms with it. I was fascinated to find all of the information that supported my decision to leave. I left because I couldn't take it anymore - I've stayed gone because I have this site and other support mechanisms to remind me that it was the RIGHT decision.

Thank whatever powers that be for that!

9

Who Has Read..'Bible Code 2 The Countdown'?

by Legolas in

jw
friends

i am only on page 23 and so far i must say wow

it has predicted, for the year 2006, a an atomic holocaust!

i will keep posting ...lol...every time i find something interesting!

Jamelle

I very much enjoyed reading the Da Vinci Code - and I'm looking forward to the movie starring Tom Hanks.

I avoided reading the book for a long time because of all the hype, but it ended up being a page turner.

Never heard of "Bible Code 2" but I've seen programs on the History channel now and then that talk about the Bible Code - I enjoy the discussion of such theories. But at the end of the day, they are still just theories to me.

It's better than reading the Watchtower or Awake, any day!

37

Would YOU Have Allowed Your Child To Die Instead Of Giving Blood?

by minimus in

jw
friends

be honest.

i believe there was a time we all would've done it or at least say we would've done it.

Jamelle

I have never been a parent - so was never faced with even the thought of that challenge while in the organization. But if there had been a situation where my parents or my sister needed a transfusion and I as next of kin was asked to make the call...???

It would have been very difficult for me...but I hope I would have said "Yes - do the transfusion." I would have known that my parents and/or sister would be able to blame me when they survived the situation. I hope that I would have put their lives ahead of my fears of the congregation or what anyone would "think" of me.

To be honest I would have been torn - which is sick and twisted in and of itself. At that time I wasn't aware of the lies the Society told about the real medical risks of a transfusion. Plus I had been brainwashed - my mother overcooked our meat and cracked eggs in seperate bowls just in case one had blood in it, for god's sake.

Add to that the pressure of a hospital liason committee and it's a marvel anyone can think clearly under the circumstances!

Good thread...very thought provoking.

41

JWs on MySpace are Freaking Out

by Saoirse in

jw
friends

the dubs are freaking out and listing every potential apostate on myspace.

i even got mentioned even though i have never posted or joined a jw group.

bunch of stalkers.

Jamelle

Wow - what a sad, sad little snippet of the JW world...

They are on a witch hunt. Maybe if they focus on who they think is an apostate and who is inactive, they won't have any time to notice that they are wasting their lives in a worthless cult...

Sorry...did I say that out loud? Oh that's right - I SURE DID!