I haven't been out long enough to forget anything yet, I hope to forget it all someday, but I doubt if I'll ever forget the judgemental attitude of most of the congregation, especially the elders and servants, when anyone made an error.
fullofdoubtnow
JoinedPosts by fullofdoubtnow
-
39
WHAT DUB THINGS WILL YOU NEVER FORGET?
by Mary innow as much as no one wants to admit it, we all know that there are things we learned in the borg that we'll never forget even if we live to be a hundred.
what is something that you know you'll always remember (despite your best efforts to forget!
for me, it's matthew 24:14 and the names of the three hebrews thrown into the firey furnace (shadrach, meeee-shack and a-bed-we-go)
-
-
-
19
How do JW's refer to DF and DA?
by Jourles ini cannot for the life of me remember how i used to refer to ones who were df'd or had da'd while i was a jdub.
i *think* i used to say "so and so was disfellowshipped" rather than "so and so was df'd.
" but i can't remember.. a few days ago, i briefly overheard someone say "was df'd," which caught my immediate attention.
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
We still said disfellowshipped or disassociated, but when my friend dedpoet da'd a few months ago the announcement said that he was "no longer one of jehovahs witnesses". He had da'd, not been df'd, but only those still in contact with him (myself really) knew he had.
-
14
How were your presentations?
by Mysterious inwere you the kind that stayed up for hours the night before finding the perfect point and the perfect scripture...or were you the one that was hastily trying to through something together the morning of and panicking when you realized the circuit overseer was visiting.
and then there was me...i was lucky if i knew which magazines were "it" for that week, lucky if id read more than the first page, and developed a good deal of improve skill when that 25% "at home" rate popped up on my 1 door in 10. eeps.
im not sure if anyone realized just how seat of the pants my approach to field service actually was.
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
I hated giving talks, I was always a nervous wreck before going on the platform. As for the ministry, my mag placements were always pretty good, and I had a persuasive way with people, so I was told.
I am glad I won't be doing either again though, especially the talks.
-
8
How should the congregations be disciplined ?
by vitty ini dont think disfellowshipment itself is wrong, its the enforced shunning that causes the damage.
i think a lot of posters here agree.
personally i think the public reproof is just sick and when a person is marked!.
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
Speaking as one who is about to face congregation discipline, probably disfellowshipping and, inevitably, the shunning that goes with it (thats if I don't get the chance to jump before I'm pushed), I have to say that I am far more apprehensive about the shunning part of the process. I have always been uncomfortable with that anyway, it has always seemed such an unloving thing to me. For many who have left, and probably for me soon, that seems to be the most damaging form of discipline that the congregation can mete out. For that reason I can't see that policy ever changing
-
10
Update on me
by fullofdoubtnow inhi, i am with my friend dedpoet again, we've been out for an hour or so, and he has kindly allowed me to post again from his pc as i have no internet access at home.. i have been reading all your kind replies to my posts of a few days ago, thank you all so much.
afew things have happened to me in the last few days which i would like to share with you all.
i missed tuesday nights meeting, as i have been doing for all the meetings for the last few weeks, and at around 930 had a visit from the po and another elder.
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
Hi, I am with my friend dedpoet again, we've been out for an hour or so, and he has kindly allowed me to post again from his pc as I have no internet access at home.
I have been reading all your kind replies to my posts of a few days ago, thank you all so much. Afew things have happened to me in the last few days which I would like to share with you all.
I missed tuesday nights meeting, as I have been doing for all the meetings for the last few weeks, and at around 930 had a visit from the PO and another elder. They didn't even phone to ask if it was ok to call, just turned up. I let them in, and the po informed me that they had come round to "straighten me out" as regards my missing meetings and my continued association with Trev. He said that I could either return to the fold and break off this "unwise" friendship or face a judicial committee - my choice. I think that they expected me to capitulate, if so they had a shock! I (relatively) calmly informed them that I have no intention of either returning to the meetings anytime soon or breaking off my friendship with Trev. I also told them that I'd been alone with Trev in his home on Monday evening, and you should have seen their faces, I wish I'd had a camera handy! I did tell them nothing happened, we are friends and nothing more, but I don't think they believed me. I told them that I thought they had acted in a very unloving way toward Trev, and that's why he had left, and now they were giving me the same treatment, and I was no longer prepared to accept it or even convinced that the Watchtower teachings were the truth.The po asked me if I really knew what I was saying, maybe I was a little confused, and I replied that I knew exactly what I was saying, my thinking was clearer than it has been for years, I then asked them, none too politely, to leave, and they somewhat unwillingly went. I have had a couple of phone calls from them since, but have not engaged in conversation with them, although they threatened the "ultimate punishment" for my "offences," disfellowshipping is what I would think they meant, though they didn't say that, but I am thinking of saving them the trouble by jumping before I'm pushed, so to speak.
So, I guess I have left. I know what to expect now - shunning from all my former "friends" in the congregation, but I am sort of prepared for that, though a kittle scared. I have been a jw for a long time, and until recently thought I would always be one, but I know deep down that it is not the truth and I can no longer be part of it and stay sane. I feel I have missed out on so much being part of that organisation. I have never married, I just didn't meet the right jw man, will never have children now, though I would love to have been a mother,have worked part - time at menial jobs so I could spend more time in service, I was a pioneer for many years till illness forced me to step down, and now it all seems to have been for nothing. I no longer believe in the promises I once believed in. It is so hard to come to the realisation that I have been duped, but I now know that that is the case, I have read and seen too much in the last few months to think otherwise.
So where do I go from here? Well, I at least have a shoulder to cry on. Trev is my best friend, he has been so kind and so supportive, and I know I can rely on him. I am also so pleased to have joined this forum, I know that there is support here from genuine people, not conditional friends like the ones I have left behind in the jws. I know the next few weeks and months aren't going to be easy, but I am relieved it's over now. I guess it will take me a while to recover from this, but one day I hope to feel the same sense of freedom and happiness that Trev and so many of you feel.
all my love Linda xx
-
24
Just to say hi
by fullofdoubtnow inhi, i am a friend of dedpoet, i think he may have posted about me occasionally, and he has kindly allowed me to join the forum from his pc as i do not have internet access at home.
i have known trev (dedpoet) since he first joined the same congregation as me 14 years ago, and we have always been friends.
i was very sad when he left us some years ago, but have maintained contact with him, something that has got me in trouble with the elders just lately now he is disassociated.
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
Hello again,
After doing a few hours work and a lot of thinking, I have just popped back to Trevs for a short while (alone with a man, I can just imagine what the elders would say lol). Anyway, I have been reading through your lovely replies and once again want to thank you all.
AuldSoul, you said
Ultimately, where your life goes from here is finally in your hands. But that is a scary proposition to think about because for 23 years you have had a structure and order that took care of most decision making for you.
You are so right there. For all those years I have felt "safe" in the truth, with a guaranteed future as long as I remained obedient. Now my head is so full of doubts about what I have been doing all these years and I am scared. I am no longer certain about the future any more, I no longer know what I'll be doing in 5 years, 1 year or even tomorrow. I have lived such an insular life all this time, never married or even had a meaningful relationship, no friends outside the congregation (except Trev), and the idea of starting again scares me, although it kind of excites me a little as well.
Abaddon, you make so many good points, especially this one
All that matters now is that you have been lied to, and you need to make yourself certain that this is so, rather than accept it on hearsay
A few years ago, I would never have considered that the things I have been taught as a witness were lies, but I am beginning to think that way. It all seemed so wonderful for so long, so believable, such a refreshing change from my early years in mainstream religion. I completely immersed myself in it, believed it completely. Now I am not sure what to believe any longer.
Tall Penguin wrote
. What you're feeling is understandable. The uncertainty of life after jw's is sometimes overwhelming
Well, I haven't yet fully experienced life after the witnesses, but Trev has and I know how hard he found it at times. To go from having a certain future to an uncertain one, I really can't imagine how I would deal with that, it seems such a daunting prospect right now, yet many on here have dealt with it successfully, I hope if and when the time comes I can draw strength from that.
The Listener wrote
Not knowing whether I should stay or go was the toughest
I know I am facing a tough decision, naybe the biggest one I will ever have to make. Trev has warned me of what is ahead if I stay away from meetings for much longer. I have already had several phone calls and visits already encouraging me to return to the kh, and its only a few weeks since I last attended! I must admit I am tempted to return, but on the other hand I haven't really missed going. I have had some strong counsel due to me refusing to shun Trev of late, and I certainly haven't missed that, nor would I particularly want to endure it again, so I will stay away for now, and I will take Lady Lee's advice
Meanwhile keep reading
I will read posts on here and stuff from freeminds, some of which Trev has kindly printed for me. I really don't know what I'd do without his friendship and support. I have had a few doubts about what I was doing for a while, and have sometimes missed meetings, something I would never have done a few years ago, but I am so full of doubts now I sometimes feel I could explode. The truth, if thats what it really is, can never be the same again for me now. I honestly don't know where to go from here, but I am so glad to be on this forum. Thank you for having me
all my love, Linda
-
24
Just to say hi
by fullofdoubtnow inhi, i am a friend of dedpoet, i think he may have posted about me occasionally, and he has kindly allowed me to join the forum from his pc as i do not have internet access at home.
i have known trev (dedpoet) since he first joined the same congregation as me 14 years ago, and we have always been friends.
i was very sad when he left us some years ago, but have maintained contact with him, something that has got me in trouble with the elders just lately now he is disassociated.
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
I just want to thank you all so much for your kind welcome. I have to go now to work, but I will be calling on Trev again a bit later I hope. He is being such a good friend, maybe the only one I'll have soon. I am so glad he got me to register here, I can sense from your replies and other posts I have read that there is true support available here from genuine people. Thankyou so much.
See you soon
love Linda
-
51
Still on the fence!
by acuragirl inhey everyone i know its been a while since i posted but today i felt the need.just wanted to update you all on my position which is still brainwashed!i just dont know what to do i gain my strength to conquer this disease,(thats what i call being born in the org) from others like freedom lover who have come out of this religon free and clear i know its not easy but i know it can be done.i dont know why i just cant get over it and move on already,but theres thats piece of me that says,but what if?then im back, screwed and tatooed with jdub on my forehead,thinking that jehovah is upset and dissapointed with me and satan has me in his grasp.im stil sooo confused even with all the evidence pointing to they are full of crap!what if they arent?i just want to know the truth even if i dont choose to follow it,i want to know if jehovah is watching me torment myself every day,going back and forth and i cant take it anymore.then i think what if there is no jehovah?who the hell am i praying to with my daughter at night?
(the air mabe)you see my daughter still believes even though she is ready to celebrate halloween this year and yes we bought her a costume,cinderella!my mother comes and takes her every now and then only if i promise to go to some meetings and i did last weekend i attended the sunday meeting for once in a about 6 months!felt strange to be there but once again going to a different cong i got love bombed.btw i feel guilty and scared about having anything to do with halloween this year.yup still dealing with the guilt,fear,agony,of knowing and believing in the dubs,for so long now trying desperately to get out without feeling the way i do.i just dont know what to do anymore and its a shame because the dubs have sucked the life out of me(guess i didnt check my doubts soon enough).if i dont get off the fence soon im going to go nuts.i like believeing that satan doesnt even exist and that there is no heavenly org.gives me peace of mind that i can just live my life,if theres a god,fine,is it jehovah?thats where the conflict arises and i cant just go on with my life thinking jehovah has lost me to the other side!
!im not a lost cause yet guys.i need new light!
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
Hi AG, I have so much empathy for you!
I am perhaps in a similar situation to you. I have recently been deliberately missing meetings, and have so many doubts now my head hurts, but it is hard to consider leaving, and I would think even harder to actually make the break, I haven't arrived at that point yet, but it could be in my future, I just don't know. What I do know is that being on this forum will help both of us. There are so many kind, loving people on here who will accept us unconditionally, unlike the witnesses, so I am going to keep reading and posting when I can. When we need support, this is the place to get it. I hope everything turns out well for you, whatever you do.
love Linda
-
24
While preaching, did you realize that you were also screwing up their lives
by JH in.
when you were going door to door, although you had the pure intention of teaching people what you taught was god's will, did you realize back then, that if they listened to you and accepted a bible study that you were also screwing up their lives and that they would suffer greatly by this?.
it was always in back of my mind.....
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
I thought I was giving people a way to improve their lives, I was so sure about the truth. Now I'm not so sure
-
24
Just to say hi
by fullofdoubtnow inhi, i am a friend of dedpoet, i think he may have posted about me occasionally, and he has kindly allowed me to join the forum from his pc as i do not have internet access at home.
i have known trev (dedpoet) since he first joined the same congregation as me 14 years ago, and we have always been friends.
i was very sad when he left us some years ago, but have maintained contact with him, something that has got me in trouble with the elders just lately now he is disassociated.
-
-
fullofdoubtnow
Hi, I am a friend of dedpoet, I think he may have posted about me occasionally, and he has kindly allowed me to join the forum from his pc as I do not have internet access at home.
I have known Trev (dedpoet) since he first joined the same congregation as me 14 years ago, and we have always been friends. I was very sad when he left us some years ago, but have maintained contact with him, something that has got me in trouble with the elders just lately now he is disassociated. I have personally never been comfortable with the idea of shunning, although I have joined in with it in the past, but with Trev I just can't do that, he has been and still is just too good a friend.
I have been a witness over half my life, and until recently never had any real doubt that I had the truth, but now I am very unsure and am currently not attending meetings or taking part in the ministry. I have looked at several sites on the net, and have read some of the posts on this forum (you seem remarkably well informed about us!), and I must confess that some of the stuff I have read has shaken my faith severely, to the extent that I am no longer sure that I have the truth at all. I am seriously beginning to wonder if the last 23 years has been a waste of time.
I haven't completely abandoned the congregation yet, but haven't been to a meeting for a couple of weeks, and I have to say that I haven't missed going as much as I thought I would, and at the moment I don't feel any real inclination to return. My family are not witnesses, so no problem there, but most of my friends, apart from Trev, are. I suppose everyone who drifts away encounters the same problem, I know Trev did, but he seems to have overcome it and is happier now than he ever was in the truth.
I really don't know yet what I am going to do in the future. I have spent so long as a witness it's very hard to imagine not being one, but I have so many doubts now about what I have been doing all these years that if I do return I just know that I may never feel the same about the truth again. Right now, if I do leave I wonder how I would put up with the inevitable shunning, although Trev says he got used to it after a while, and it doesn't worry him at all now.
Whatever I do, I am glad to have been able to post on this forum, and to have read so many of the posts on here. Sorry about the length of this, but I just needed to write down some of the feelings I am having now.
love, Linda