Still on the fence!

acuragirl

Hey everyone i know its been a while since i posted but today i felt the need.Just wanted to update you all on my position which is STILL BRAINWASHED!I just dont know what to do i gain my strength to conquer this disease,(thats what i call being born in the org) from others like freedom lover who have come out of this religon free and clear i know its not easy but i know it can be done.I dont know why i just cant get over it and move on already,but theres thats piece of me that says,but what if?Then im back, screwed and tatooed with JDUB on my forehead,thinking that Jehovah is upset and dissapointed with me and Satan has me in his grasp.Im stil sooo confused even with all the evidence pointing to they are full of crap!What if they arent?I just want to know the truth even if i dont choose to follow it,I want to know if Jehovah is watching me torment myself every day,going back and forth and i cant take it anymore.Then i think what if there is no Jehovah?Who the hell am i praying to with my daughter at night?(the air mabe)You see my daughter still believes even though she is ready to celebrate halloween this year and yes we bought her a costume,cinderella!My mother comes and takes her every now and then only if i promise to go to some meetings and i did last weekend i attended the sunday meeting for once in a about 6 months!Felt strange to be there but once again going to a different cong i got love bombed.Btw i feel guilty and scared about having anything to do with halloween this year.Yup still dealing with the guilt,fear,agony,of knowing and believing in the dubs,for so long now trying desperately to get out without feeling the way i do.I just dont know what to do anymore and its a shame because the dubs have sucked the life out of me(guess i didnt check my doubts soon enough).If i dont get off the fence soon im going to go nuts.I like believeing that Satan doesnt even exist and that there is no heavenly org.Gives me peace of mind that i can just live my life,if theres a god,FINE,Is it Jehovah?Thats where the conflict arises and i cant just go on with my life thinking Jehovah has lost me to the other side! HELP!!Im not a lost cause yet guys.I NEED NEW LIGHT! (side joke lol!!!!) Seriously though my husband has helped me a great deal through this battle and i can only hope he continues.There is just a huge difference in the way we feel,he is not burdened by his upbringing he believes what he believes whole heartedly and i want to also.One thing though he will never understand, what it is like to be born in the org grow up in the org spend your teenage years and some of your adulthood in it,then find out that they might not be THE TRUTH! Let me say its earth shattering! i felt,so terrible.I can be thankful though for Mr.gringojj who i love more than life itself,he has been going through hell and high water to help me live my life happily.Thats all for now,please some words of encouragement? AG

Legolas

Have you read 'Crisis of Conscience' and 'In Search of Christian Freedom' both by Raymond Franz?

Sam the Man

Hi, thanks for posting...your post brought back memories.

Have you read Ray Franz Crises of Conscience? If not, please take time to do so. It set me free, at last. I was in the same position as you, undecided. What if they really were the Faithful Slave? Well, the answer lies in the Bible. Deauteronomy says that if a prophet speaks in the name of God, and that word does not come true then we should not believe the prophet. Jesus said Beware of False Prophets. Do the Watchtower/Governing Body claim to be prophets?

Yes.

Watchtower of 1972 April 1. Under the heading 'They shall know that a prophet was among them' , we read: People today can view the creative works. They have at hand the Bible, but it is little read or understood. So, does Jehovah have a prophet to help them, to warn them of dangers and to declare things to come? IDENTIFYING THE "PROPHET" These questions can be answered in the affirmative. Who is this prophet? ... This "prophet" was not one man, but was a body of men and women. It was the small group of footstep followers of Jesus Christ, known at that time as International Bible Students. Today they are known as Jehovah's Christian witnesses. ... Of course, it is easy to say that this group acts as a "prophet" of God. It is another thing to prove it. The only way that this can be done is to review the record..."

So you see they are asking you to review their record. What is their record?

Check out freeminds to see a comprehensive list of all Watchtower false prophecy. You cant argue against this. They claim to be prophets...but they are not! Who can argue against that? I challenge anyone to argue against it.

lonelysam

i agree with legolas, i am looking into CoC at the moment, its going to be a tuff one, but worth it in the end.

As for words of encouragement, i am going through similar at the monent and i can say it isnt easy, just try and look at it from a logical view, and trying to look at it as if you are looking from a third person is also very helpfull. sorry but thats all i can think of, i hope you pull through

acuragirl

No i have not read the books.

Undecided

I agree, read CofC and it will free your mind of whether the borg is really of God or is a man made religion. My brother was having problems freeing his mind and the book freed him from that guilt.

Ken P.

ocsrf

Dear Acura,

wanderlustguy

Read COC, it will help you a great deal. As far as the other answers, thats somthing you have to figure out on your own. Everything is trackable, even the start of religion itself.

Ask more questions...

ocsrf

Acura,

Sorry about that, new here and make mistakes on posting.

Born and raised as well, so I can relate to all your feelings. My kids are grown, so for me it is easier to decide for myself, when you have little ones you worry about what is best of them.

I am a slow fader who goes to the meetings here and there, mostly because I have good friends in other congregations I have not yet decided to give up yet. I know if I go completely away, many of them will no longer talk to me, this is a very difficult junction. I am sure it is the same for you as well.

I believe what keeps a large number of JWs in is just this one issue, so there numbers of 6 million does not tell the real truth which is that who knows maybe 2 million of them feel it is crap as well even if they go out in service and to the meetings.

No real advise other than to say Hi and for you to know that many of us suffer the same way.

OC

defd

STILL BRAINWASHED! We ALL could use a good brain WASHING now and then.

Jehovah is watching me torment myself every day,going back and forth and i cant take it anymore. Sis Jehovah KNOWS your pain. He feels for you, believe me. Jehovah is more patient and understanding than we know. Just CONTINUE to take your concerns to Him. It is written....Throw all your burdens and anxiety upon Jehovah and he will sustain you, because He CARES for you.

D.

Still on the fence!

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