it has been quite some time since i have posted on this glorious discussion group... it has been even longer since i have started any discussions myself.. and as somber (or possibly upsetting), my title or even thesis may seem, there is reason and respect coming behind it.... i do love the majority of the people who post here... though your faces and names may have changed since i started here, your kind words, sincere support and listening ears have always been very much appreciated... you have helped me through the hardest times of my life... my feelings of inadequacy (spl?) and loneliness have often been overshadowed by your caring and love... so i must start by thanking you....
now, that being said; sometimes when i come online and read the dribble that some of you protray as discussion, i am almost sickened... right now my stomach is in knots because of the recent description of one's fecal matter i was subject to read... and yes, i know i could have just clicked off of it, but the title seemed appealing, the subject matter on the other hand was not.... but even this is not enough to turn me off of this site...
the other thing that leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth, is the bull **** that i once believed... the terrible attitude and delusion of grandeur i once shared with the people of this terrible organization.... the pain i must have helped to instill in people who truly did not deserve it... the hatred i felt inside when someone decided to disassociate themselves, or the anger i felt towards the people that were disfellowshipped. the letters i wrote to my friends, who had left... the families that were falling apart around me, as my own was able to hold some semblance of happiness and stability (whether feigned or not)... all the pain and torture this borg has put me through...has put so many others through... this has left me reeling...
reading about it every day no longer instills anger in me, as it used to... now, it sickens me... sickens me to believe i once felt this way, sickens me that so many others still condemn others for thinking... sickens me to realize that there are other 15 year olds out there being beaten for smiling... sickens me to think that there is not much i can do to help them... except maybe hope that one day they will find this website, or find some friend, or find me, and we can all work together to help this person out....
yes, i needed to rant... the true nature of this message though is to say thank you to all of you for making me realize how sick the witnesses are... how morally blind they are... and how much pain they instill... thank you for helping me out when i needed the help most... thanks for being my family... and i just hope i can help you all and anyone else that needs it as much as you helped me... i hope one day we all feel sickened at the damage the witnesses caused and continue to cause
the infamous one