Jst2laws:
My heart went out to you as I read your post. At the same time I could somehow sense in it, the beginning of the death knell for the WTS. Nothing as fixed and rigid as the Society could ever hope to weather the storm of controversy, or the many challenges (internal and external) swirling about it.
I never ceased to be amazed at the level of intransigence that has become the defining hallmark of those who would rule the world from Brooklyn. Certainly a siege mentality must exist at this time; what else could explain the unwillingness to see the need for adjustments in the course set by the org or in their treatment of those who’ve showed years of loyal service to it? Apparently we have little value in their eyes. While I have no intention of ever further involving myself in their activities, I shudder at the indifference shown toward those they claim as their “sheep.”
I will admit I am angry, with myself, for suppressing doubts for 25 years; for confusing loyalty to an organization (definition = unwavering obedience to a divine club) and for raising my children under the cloud of this cult mentality.
Many of us feel this way. But what other choice was there? What you did took real courage. Does Jehovah want a gang of sycophants and “yes men” serving him? If so, I’ve no interest in a god of that sort, nor in an organization that cultivates that attitude in those who would be major players in it. The whole thing is simply disgusting.
While I don’t have nearly your experience or years of service, I did identify with this much:
For about 3 years I have been evading service meeting assignments that I could not in good conscience handle. The last 9 months I have given every part assigned to me but gave it my way neglecting the garbage and teaching the truth relevant to the theme. My public talks have been either praised or challenged. As talk coordinator for the congregation I quit assigning myself out to avoid controversy.
I walked this same cramped and narrow road. The obvious attempts at manipulation woven into the service meeting parts was more than I could stomach. The constant appeals to guilt, poured over a group with many members already suffering from depression and low self-esteem, was something I could not be a party too. Unfortunately, there were many other men who wanted to be “stars” beaming forth from the platform, eager and willing to step in and take my place. These types have no qualifications as teachers or love for the brothers, but simply want their moment in the sun. And they’ll say anything to get it.
You’re almost free now. Hang in there. If there is a god (I’m no longer sure myself) who rewards acts of moral courage, you’ve earned his recognition. I’m doubtful that the WTS on the other hand will fare quite as well.
Take care,
Copernicus