Hello All,
I went to the last day of the circuit assy. and managed to leave with a few gems. One had to do with living WITHOUT a television. This because bad stuff comes on it and we would not want to bring into our homes questionable material, like Dateline episodes.
Others had to do with doing without the internet , associating with non-witnesses , and lots and lots of field service .
But the gem that caught my ear, and everyone elses because it got real quiet and nobody moved, including myself , was how the speaker incouraged those who "self abused" themselves to seek out the help of "those spiritual doctors, the elders". RETCH! RETCH! RETCH! GAK! PUKE! HUPA! BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Spiritual doctors. Riiiiiiiiight!
Anyway, I thought this guy was nuts! Can you imagine half, or more, of the congregation taking an elder aside and 'fessing up their dirty little secret. But think of the mind job the elders will have done on them knowing soooo many of the cong. have a habbit of too many trips to the bathroom, or closet, or bedroom, or garage, or linnen closet...
Yes, I could just imagine how those meetings would go. I could just imagine.
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VOLUPTUOUS SISTER SO AND SO: "Elder Blah, I have a problem".
ELDER BLAH: "Yes Sister So and so, How can we help you?" (big smile)
VOLUPTUOUS SISTER SO AND SO: "Well, you see (shifting uncomfortably) I have this problem with, um, you see.."
ELDER BLAH: "Yes Sister, you can talk to us". (bigger smile)
VOLUPTUOUS SISTER SO AND SO: "I have this problem with....self abuse". (lowers head)
ELDER BLAH: "Oh, we see. (looks over to Elder Humph with twinkle in eye)
ELDER HUMPH: "Now, Sister So and so, (elder humph sitting straight with serious face) in these matters, we need to know how many times you have done this and, um, was it during the day or night. We, uh, also need to know, um, exactly HOW you went about this self abuse. What you were thinking and what you were feeling we also need to know so we know how to proceed in this matter.
ELDER BLAH: "What you were wearing".
ELDER HUMPH: "Or not wearing".
ELDER BLAH: (Heart racing and crossing legs) "Now try not to feel embarassed Sister So and so, we deal with kind of thing all the time." (big, big smile)
VOLUPTUOUS SISTER SO AND SO: "Well, you see, late at night I get lonely, and since I have no husband I somtimes............... (both bro Blah and bro Humph with legs crossed and leaning over, wide eyed, to hear EVERY WORD of the sisters confession)
Don't laugh. They actually do this!
Or what might a "meeting" with REALY young Brother Someone go like::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
BROTHER GRRR: "Now, we don't have a lot of time Brother Someone so if you could be brief.....
BROTHER SOMEONE: "Well, I told my dad, and he said I should seek the spiritual guidence of the elders and...
BROTHER GRRR: "Yes, yes, go on!"
BROTHER SOMEONE: "Well, this is the second time it happened and I guess, I guess, I got a little worried."
BROTHER GASP: "What did you do."
BROTHER SOMEONE: "I, uh, I, uh, self abused myself. (head lowering)
BROTHER GRRR: "Oh, (eyes rolling up) I see".
BROTHER GASP: "Uh huh".
BROTHER SOMEONE: (Timidly asking in small voice) "Am I gonna get into trouble?"
BROTHER GRRR: "WELLLLLL, (sighing and looking down at bro Someone) I guessss this won't be too bad. Are you repentant?"
BROTHER SOMEONE: "Oh, yes! Yes I am very repentant! I'm realy sorry this happend! (slight sniffle)
BROTHER GASP: "Now, Brother Someone, you have to tell us EVERYTHING that happened. How this led up to this problem". (arms crossed with stern look on face)
BROTHER SOMEONE: "Well, you see, (drying eyes) I was practicing self abuseing my self, and,... oh, I guess Sheri already told you then.
BROTHER GRRR: "Huh? Sheri already told me? Do you mean Sheri, my 12 year old daughter?"
BROTHER SOMEONE: "Yeah".
BROTHER GRRR: "TOLD ME WHAT!"
BROTHER SOMEONE: "Well, you see, she was there helping me and...
BROTHER GRRR: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!"
BROTHER GASP: "GASP!!!"
BROTHER SOMEONE: "I thought you said I wasent gonna get into trouble!"........
..........and so on and so on it goes. A never ending confessional of morbid stories designed to keep a thick blanket of shame on the R&F to KEEP THEM IN CONTROLL! That what the WTS "spiritual witch doctors" are there to provide. Uck! uck! uck!
CornerStone