Posts by gabriella

71

My Boyfriend's not a Witness...

by Hikaru in

alright, with my last post it should be obvious i'm in conflict...if it's not, then yeah.. my boyfriend is not a witness.

he understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses.

but i guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...stalling doesn't work anymore.

gabriella

There's nothing wrong with internet relationships, but I would suggest meeting in person before you jump into anything. I went inactive before marrying my sweety and knew him really well. I could not live a lie and pretend that I believed that all nonbelievers were evil- so I left before commiting to my now husband. You will likely face alot of challenges and repercussions from family members, ect. and it would be miserable to go through that with a stranger. Best wishes and all the best to you!! Gabriella

26

scripturally free to remarry secret!!!

by asilentone in

i know a brother that was not scripturally free to remarry to the best of his knowledge, his ex wife was disfellowshipped in another state, his ex wife did not contact him letting him know that he is scripturally free to remarry, but the elders at his congregation knew about it, but they chose to keep it a secret from him for whatever reason???.

he did not know about it after one year after the fact!

he learned about it from a brother from another state.

gabriella

I always thought that was such a stupid rule- waiting for someone to cheat on you before you could remarry. If my hubby moved away out of state I would not sit around like a puppy dog waiting for him to cheat. Dumb xxxxs!!

71

I can't take this pain anymore...my life at dead end

by JustHuman14 in

my life has reached to a dead end...i'm stuck and there is no way out.

i was inactive for 6 years and i'm disfellowshiped for the past 3. i would never think that my life would have been in this terrible mess.. .

i wasn't planned to be disfellowshiped by my "wife" turned me in to the elders for apostasy 2 times!!!

gabriella

I am so sorry for what you are going through- it reminds me alot of my parent's situation. My dad was done with the JW's and wanted to start a new life and mom would say that he was an 'apostate' and brainwashing us ect. He finally got frustrated and layed it on the line. He said that he would go to an occasional meeting if she would share some of his interests with him (mostly fishing, camping, ect). Her reply was that it would take her time away from spiritual things- so they got divorced. It was confusing for us as kids because we felt torn between what we had been told was right and wrong. I realize now as an adult how much courage it takes to start a new life and how important free will is. I have a good relationship with both parents today, but probably a more open one with my dad just because he speaks his mind and his advice isn't based on what he has been taught from the platform. I guess what I am trying to say is that it would be hard on your kids, but in the long run they may come to understand why you did what you did. It took alot of time, healing, and communication to get to that point, though. Whatever you decide, I wish you and your family all the best.

26

What's Your Opinion: Is Legal Marriage Important?

by GoddessRachel in

hey everyone,.

so i've been thinking about marriage a lot lately, with same-sex marriages being approved in some states, banned in others, and flip-flopped in still others (see: california).. i recently read an article in my local newspaper about how marriage is a personal and religious union that has no business being in any of our laws, and that the laws should instead be for a legal domestic relationship, to establish and recognize legal families, and that marriage should be altogether separate from that.

i really agreed with all that was said in the article.. i want to get married.

gabriella

I can see both sides of the marriage debate- it helps children to feel secure that they have a real family and committed parents. However, how practical is it to promise a person that you will never love another for as long as you shall live? People change so much and loves grow and fade. When my husband first asked me, I told him that I loved him more than anyone, but that I could not make a promise that more than 50% of people do not keep because I respected him too much. He respected my honesty and our relationship grew even stronger. Eventually, I came to appreciate his high regard for marriage and he was the person that I trusted more than anyone that I had ever met. I knew that he would never intentionally hurt me or beak my heart, so we did get married and I have been happy with my best friend ever since. So, I guess what I am saying is that I only believe in marriage if both people are realistic about it, communicate openly, and really respect each other. Otherwise, I think that it is a legal institution that so many people hold in very little regard. I had to come to respect the institution and my husband before I could make that promise. Just my two cents.

40

MY DAD WANTS TO STUDY WITH THE KIDS

by thebigdebate in

i am in good standing (of sorts) with the wts.

i have not gone out in service for 10 years - i have not been to a meeting in about 2 years - i skipped last years memorial.

my dad is a pioneer and elder.

gabriella

My mom is doing the same thing to my brother right now. She wants the kids to study so that they don't "suffer for his poor choices". It makes me sick how they can claim to love a God who they actually believe would kill their own Grandkids,, Plus, kids don't need to grow up being affraid of God and of Armaggedon. I would decline, plus it is insinuating that your training/teaching at home isn't adequate. They are a prideful/arrogant bunch sometimes.

53

Should I go to the elders about the affair?

by weeone in

i am a sister that kind of "fell away" from the organization.

i felt that i wasn't accepted by my brothers and sisters (long, long story).

whatever i did i wasn't "perfect" enough.

gabriella

I think that you should come clean with the wife (but only if you genuinely feel sorry for your actions). Otherwise, walk away and never interfere in the marriage again. Chances are they will probably not last very long anyway, but it wouldn't be because of your continued involvement. I once loved someone who was married and I refused to have an affair because I loved him enough to not be the cause of his failed marriage or of taking him away from his kids. It was painful and I thought about him all of the time because there was real feelings there. He went on to cheat with someone else and I am happy that I was not the one who broke up the marriage. I realise now that if a guy is not man enough to either work on his relationship or come clean and end it before hooking up with someone else he is not a very honest person. Chances are he will be single sometime in the future, but you might want to consider if he would the one for you even then. The guy that I loved is now single, but I will not be with him because of his actions (hitting on me while he was married and then cheating on his wife). I am sorry for being harsh, but relationships should be respected. I wish you the best in the future and I hope you continue to post here. Gabriella

34

The Efficacy of JWs Shunning (Your experiences and analysis)

by JW_Researcher in

im doing a bit of research for an academic paper on shunning and am interested in your response to any or all of these questions.. please think back to when you were a jw (if necessary) or to other jws you knew.. 1) does shunning work?

(for example, does it bring sinners to their senses?

does it keep the congregation clean?

gabriella

I am inactive but not df'd. When I get shunned it makes me angry and hurt, but definitely doesn't make me want to go back. So, in that way I'd say it is ineffective. It just seems ridiculous to me and doesn't make me want to be active again. I think where they are really going to get themselves in trouble with lawsuits is not making exceptions for family members. There is such a thing as grandparent rights and parental rights and when they encourage young people to shun their own df'd parent or grandparent that seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen. I've come to look at shunning as emotional blackmail and I could see them having to change it in the future, if not by choice by Caesar's law.

77

Well, It Didn't Take Long for Obama to Play the Race Card...

by owenfieldreams in

http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-politics/20080421/politics-usa-politics-obama-race-dc/.

wow...who didn't see this coming?

lol....and keep in mind, this is coming from a guy that claims to be different and a uniter.

gabriella

I think that Obama was right on about what will be brought up, "he's young and inexperienced, I'm just like you, oh and he has a black preacher." That's exactly what the McCain arguement will be, but Obama should let the voters see through it and always take the high road, because that is what we like about him. I think that people are fed up and can see through the Republican group thinking. They are so affraid of any differing views, acting like all Muslims are radical suicide bombers and we wonder why foreign relation are how they are. Diversity makes the world go round, rather it is race or religious diversity. It is time to join the 21st century and stop acting like a country of cavemen.

8

Brothers studying for Phds concerned about stand on higher education

by truthseeker in

jw
friends

this is a post from channelc and is relevant here for the discussion of higher education.. http://www.channelc.org/cgi-bin/eboard30/index.cgi.

hi friends,.

perhaps some of you have read the forums and seen the wts has moved one step further backwards in its attitude to education.

gabriella

They are actually taking 'privileges' away now for going to college? Unreal! Who is going to pay the Kingdom Hall mortgages? I am in Nursing School to get my R.N. and ever j.w. I run across act like it's a big waste of time. So, I can imagine how they react to those going for their PHD. When will they allow people to think for themselves? I really want to retire in Tuscany someday and ask them if it was still a big waste of my time.

35

What do you want out of your relationship?

by Bumble Bee in

i know there have been alot of threads lately about what men want, what women want etc, but i'd like to hear what you want out of your relationship, be it marriage, living together, or whatever.

what is it you are looking for in a relationship?

what do you want the relationship to fulfill for you individually and as a couple?.

gabriella

Friendship, honesty, and good communication. I was friends with my hubby for three years before we got married and trust him more than probably anyone I've ever met. I think the tricky part, though, is balancing 'dependability' and friendship with passion and excitment. Because of the years of friendship and knowing everything about each other, it can be difficult to keep things new and unpredictable. I would say that the perfect relationship would involve keeping a balance between those two kinds of love, being comfortable but not too "comfortable" that you take each other for granted. There are so many kinds and degrees of love, that finding a love that you can both live with and live for is a beautiful thing.