(((flower)))
I can relate to what you are going through. For me it wasn't so much the question of "does God care?" (though you bring up some really valid points), but it had more to do with the bible itself being a fallible book with mistakes. I figured that an all powerful God would not create a holy book so full of errors. (Yes, I did read Christain apologeic books. However, I found too many stupid arguments, misrepresenations of truth, and mainly too many after the fact explanations that only might be true, and only if you have a good imagination.)
I probably had some doubts about God since my "faithful" JW days. I could never understand why he had to kill as many people as he did in the Old Testament. Sure, I knew the reasons given, but it seemed to me that he used unneccessary force; he could have tried to reform the people, look how many chances he gave Isreal! I also couldn't understand why he'd kill over 6 billon people (if you're a mainsream Christain about 5 billion people) for not worshipping him a certain way. Isn't "being good" regardless of how you express your spirituality, really important?
While I've pretty much rejected the Judeo-Christain God, I think it's at least possible that a higher power might exist, though I don't "worship" anything due to the fact I see no evidence of a need for it(or that that being even exist). As Gopher pointed out, if a God does exist somewhere, he probably has left us to fend for ourselves here.
You should probably do some more study on the topic of God and spirituality, so that you may be able to really know your beliefs. I did so and came to my conclusions, and you've probably done a lot of searching too ( I remember posting on an earlier, very long thread about God that you started).
Double Edge said:
This board is full of people who once had a strong belief in a higher power and once that belief system was shaken up everything falls apart. Just because the "picture" you had of GOD wasn't correct doesn't mean He doesn't exist, or that He doesn't care.
I think it's because many of us have a sense of skeptisism after we leave. We realized how fooled we were about the Watchtower, and we feel more free to question God altogether. Some of us don't like what we find, some find leaving the JW's increased their faith in God (e.g. Ray Franz). Most theist don't have the "crisis of conscience" most x-JW's have, most don't find themselves having to question many of the beliefs they hold dear, which usually causes them to question even more things. Intially, after finding out "the truth about the truth", I found myself to be a stronger Christain than before, resolving myself to serve God correctly from then on. However, the doubts just wouldn't leave my mind, and I knew I had to address the doubts about God the same way I did my JW doubts. I wasn't "angry" or "throwing the baby out with the bathwater", I just felt I had to be honest with myself intellectually. Today, I feel better for it.
Go therefore and baptize the people in the name of the father and of the son... what the hell, we just need to bring up the yearbook numbers!