Vidiot that is true, I no longer have anxiety though, I just feel like I'm outside sitting through total madness unaffected. It stressed me out so bad before. Now I just wait for the ridiculous, insane, and strange to happen, and look over at my wife then forward again. It's getting to the point were I think she catches the crazy before I do. So she is thinking more from my perspective and embarrassed by her religion. I fear she'd never leave it or question it though.
freemindfade
JoinedPosts by freemindfade
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52
New member, no longer just reader...
by freemindfade inso i joined very recently and began posting and commenting without a formal intro.
been reading for a while, decided it was time to jump in.
mentally i am completely cleansed of this thing, but still have to maintain a minimal involvement for spouse and family.
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TO THE STUPID ATHEISTS:
by atheist_R_stupid inbeing that this is not "ex jws" and in fact, more driven by atheists talking a bunch of crap, im not even going to address you people like you know anything about jws because you dont.
nor am i going to assume you know the bible because none of you do.. and yes, im speaking down at you all because you men have actually went out your way to make a site to speak down at an entire group of people.
yet i bet you cant even handle a single uswer talking down at you, like you talk down about jws can you?.
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Feeling low
by campaign of hate inchrist, my mind feels f***ed.
there is so many layers of indoctrination and rules and regulations in this, whatever this is (religion?
cult?
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freemindfade
your time, check out my other post on phases of mental extraction. You are at the home stretch to break free. I still attend some of the time with my spouse, however once I got through the detox part this became only a nuisance and not the stress fest it used to put me through. Now I sit and listen and see the million things wrong with all this.
the two things you need to get past are the all or nothing feeling baring down on you that you need to stay all the way on, or jump ship. Its a false alarm your witness mind is sounding. Take the time to turn it off and you will see clear. Second TTATTelder told someone else that time is on your side. This is another witness embedded subconscious alarm, that you need to rush and decide. Take the time you need and clean it out properly. There is no rush and no absolute thing you need to do. Just tell yourself you are going to live two lives for a while and continue your education in escaping however you will see fit.
FMF
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American Sniper - courage or cowardice?
by Simon inthe movie american sniper is breaking box office records and of course there is some irony that a movie about a sniper is released on martin luther king day (who was shot by one).. but of course there is a world of difference between an assassin and a military sniper ... or is there?.
some are making a big stink about it and claiming that "snipers are cowards".
it seems unfair to me.
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freemindfade
I want to see it. I feel anyone who serves is courageous. The end -
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Why do Jehovah's Witnesses do this?
by runForever inwhy do jehovah's witnesses as individual members readily think that apostates are having a sweeping mass delusion?
if some jw's have known you for a long time do they really think you based everything on some random delusion you randomly had instead of confirming the information?.
it's quite retarded even the bible itself is contradicting them in jeremiah about the 70 years.. i know some know, and some choose not to know but what about the rest?.
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freemindfade
Information control. That's all. Standard cult. Look at north korea -
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Phases of Mental Extraction
by freemindfade inin only the short time i have been no longer lurking but also posting, i have discovered some people with situations and reactions very similar to mine.
i guess there are different ways people get out, some do something and are outright shunned, then they may find ttatt and stay out.
but there may be more and more like me, who are 100% mentally out, but for the reason of not losing spouse and family fade.
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freemindfade
Also very valid. And grief a is a good way to describe it. I remember feeling so stupid for all the years I just Followed. When I would have doubts and talk myself out of it. -
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Phases of Mental Extraction
by freemindfade inin only the short time i have been no longer lurking but also posting, i have discovered some people with situations and reactions very similar to mine.
i guess there are different ways people get out, some do something and are outright shunned, then they may find ttatt and stay out.
but there may be more and more like me, who are 100% mentally out, but for the reason of not losing spouse and family fade.
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freemindfade
More and more everyday. Yea this was really just my experience and some things I've noticed from others. It would be interesting to collect all the information on the steps and emotions individuals took until they were in a healthy place mentally. To see if there are any patterns to those who try to break out.
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Phases of Mental Extraction
by freemindfade inin only the short time i have been no longer lurking but also posting, i have discovered some people with situations and reactions very similar to mine.
i guess there are different ways people get out, some do something and are outright shunned, then they may find ttatt and stay out.
but there may be more and more like me, who are 100% mentally out, but for the reason of not losing spouse and family fade.
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freemindfade
In only the short time I have been no longer lurking but also posting, I have discovered some people with situations and reactions very similar to mine. I guess there are different ways people get out, some do something and are outright shunned, then they may find TTATT and stay out. But there may be more and more like me, who are 100% mentally out, but for the reason of not losing spouse and family fade. In these similarities I began to believe there must be phases people go through on their way out. Maybe this can be worked on over time, but I propose this as the phases to free your mind.
Phase 1: Listening to your own rational mind. Maybe its what you read in the bible that goes against what your mind choses to accept. Maybe its bible vs science. Perhaps its the literature from the org that you view the same way. Or maybe its and experience from the organization, in the hall or bethel that has got your mind saying, "is this true?". This may happen again and again, for me it was 30 years of my life, but until I decided I was not going to shut off reason and was going to allow myself to think rationally, nothing would change. I had to listen.
Phase 2: Sampling outside "the Truth" This one is hard for me to put my finger on, but somehow you indulge a double life, maybe only dabbling in it, spending time with people outside the org, not caring about entertainment choice, breaking more serious rules, you may still feel guilty in this phase and hold on to some vestiges of being a witness. At this point you still might not read "apostate" material. This may be your last stronghold
Phase 3: Sampling TTATT. The frustration that builds between you're thinking rationally and you seeing that outside the org is not what they make it appear, will now make you give up your last stronghold and begin seeing what the apostates have to say, these people that you've been indoctrinated to believe spread only slander and lies. And being one is the worst possible thing you could be. But you go look. Maybe watch a few youtube vids, look at some exjw ig posts. You dabble, and try to pull back and process but you find this is now starting to feel like an addiction, you've looked down the rabbit hole, now you want to go in.
Phase 4: Immersing yourself in TTATT. Now you begin to feel how bad you were lied to, and the sand castle of "the truth" begins to wash away. How many of your life decision were made based on indoctrination from this organization? How many people did you hurt? Did you see hurt? Time wasted? Then you realize you want the f&%k out... but wait... you can't leave. (hotel California right?) You are stuck, you are embarrassed to be a part of this, and angry and you can't do a damn thing.
Phase 5: Detox. This is a critical point when things can explode. You may get confrontational with your spouse, you may suffer the attention you get as you stop commenting, stop going out in field service, or as you do these things you feel like a complete hypocrite. then this happens:
- Anger, then
- Anxiety, then
- Acceptance
At this critical point things could blow up, spiral out of control, you could DA yourself if thats good with you, but if like me you don't want to lose ties, you must over come the anger and anxiety. You must overcome two ways your mind has worked as a witness to get though the anger and anxiety and make a reasonable decision when you get to acceptance. 1. you must get over you're all or nothing mentality. This is how you used to think, you're in "the truth" or you're out. Stop thinking that way. Take yourself out mentally before removing or not removing yourself physically. 2. As TTATTelder said so eloquently "time is on your side". Why did we rush in to get baptized? My mom made me feel (20 years ago) if i didn't Armageddon was coming tomorrow and I was old enough now that jehovah would kill me for not choosing to be baptized. So I made a life altering decision at just 15! Because time was against me. You must realize there is no point rushing out, this will quell the anxiety you have living a lie. Get comfortable with the idea of thinking for yourself, and learning all you can about real truth. Get used to not being blinded by belief.
The best way to get acceptance which poises you to move on in which ever way you choose, is to find someone else just like you. You need to speak out loud about TTATT and the more you do and lightening doesn't strike you, you will come to peace with all this. Detox is almost done, for me, two of my friends were the first people i felt safe to vent to. Both faders, one for a long time, but still never learned TTATT, and the other just starting. That gave me peace. You can get something similar here, talking to people like you. You will accept. You've freed your mind. But you will always carry this burden of being in it with you. But you can help others, and continued to learn and reinforce your choice to be free.
Some may have varied experiences, but I think think in general the faders that have gotten to our point have gone through some phases.
-FMF
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A Mind at War
by cappytan inright now, i feel like my mind is at war with itself.. on the one side is reason, logic.. on the other is tradition, hope and fear.. reason and logic are challenging life-long beliefs.
they are telling me, "is this any more believable than the story of the lord of the rings?".
certain doctrines of my belief system are crumbling.. my mind still wants to hold on to the belief in a creator, his son jesus and the bible.
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freemindfade
Great advice TTATTelder, sounds like we al share some shockingly similar experiences. I think one of the best things you said is about time being out your side. At first you feel like its burning you up to realize all this and you want to shake everyone and it gives you anxiety, but once you come to terms with yourself and the time you actually have, you realize that would just be counter productive. Loved your post TE, very sound. And again since joining I can't believe the similarities I share with so many. I think this is a sure fire sign that it is a cult when coming out of it makes you go through a systematic process with different phases. -
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JW's - lack of knowledge of their own beliefs
by Illuminated inwhy are so many jehovah's witnesses unaware of their own beliefs.
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i would imagine the repetitive meetings, studies and door to door knocking would firmly root them in their beliefs.. yet, i've observed they either back out of challenging questions at times, or share a link to jay w org.. .
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freemindfade
the doctrine has become a noisy display of backflips and mystery that no one could follow and I think thats the way they want it. Who wants to be the one in a group think situation to stand out and say "guys this doesn't make any sense to me". no one. witnesses just want to parrot "isn't it wonderful the new light" "moving chariot" "blah blah blah". As them to explain the new understanding of the generation. Its so convoluted the brush strokes keep getting broader and broader so its harder to be in the wrong.
