Hi and welcome!! Me and my husband both have been snooping for a couple of years too and just started to post. It has been an emotional journey to say the least and the journey hasn't ended yet, so I am loking forward to reading about your exit.
Posts by EC
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50Hi Im new and want to thank you all
by montana96 inhi all on this thread.
i am very new here quite excited to finally make the move and register.
i have a very long story but i would like to leave that for another time perhaps.
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28
A silly post......
by EC inbob and sue meet....bob says he loves sue and wants to marry her...sue's lawyer's step in and give bob a list of things that he has to do to show how much he loves sue:
1. you must go on 5 dates a week with her.
they will be predesigned and you will only be allowed to stay within the structure of those predesigned dates.
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EC
Bob loves Sue so much....How could he ever live up to all the regulations the lawyers put in place? He continues to try, yet at every turn he feels like he is failing. There is no hope...maybe it is the right way to love Sue, and maybe Bob is just not good enough for Sue......So, do they live happily ever after or not??
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28
A silly post......
by EC inbob and sue meet....bob says he loves sue and wants to marry her...sue's lawyer's step in and give bob a list of things that he has to do to show how much he loves sue:
1. you must go on 5 dates a week with her.
they will be predesigned and you will only be allowed to stay within the structure of those predesigned dates.
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EC
As silly as this sounds....it is so true...
We would never enter a marriage like this, so why did we enter a relationship with God like it??
Here's another one...
Sue has a guide book for you. And even though it is titled to be written for you, it really isn't. It is written for us to interpret to you. You are not smart enough to understand Sue, so you must take our word for it. Sue would be very angry if she found out you were reading it on your own and seeking the advice of anyone but us. Please, we already have warned you that you are stupid.....don't prove it. If you are found doing such as above most everyone in our firm will label you. You will be cut off! As far as we are concerned, Sue will no longer love you and you will now be considered Sue's enemy! -
28
A silly post......
by EC inbob and sue meet....bob says he loves sue and wants to marry her...sue's lawyer's step in and give bob a list of things that he has to do to show how much he loves sue:
1. you must go on 5 dates a week with her.
they will be predesigned and you will only be allowed to stay within the structure of those predesigned dates.
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EC
Bob and Sue meet....Bob says he loves Sue and wants to marry her...Sue's lawyer's step in and give Bob a list of things that he has to do to show how much he loves Sue: 1. You must go on 5 dates a week with her. They will be predesigned and you will only be allowed to stay within the structure of those predesigned dates. Don't try any funny stuff!! We feel like your ideas or suggestions to show your love to Sue are invalid! 2. When you talk to Sue you have to say certain things that we tell you to. If you do not say these certain things she will not listen to you. Whatever you do, DO NOT speak from your heart! Your heart is treacherous and will say things that Sue will not like. We know what Sue wants to hear and as long as you stick to the script you will not make her mad! Ok, what else does Sue's lawyer's tell Bob?? *smiles*
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How many did you "bring in"
by slugga incredit to
minimus
how many people did you bring into the truth, what was there reaction to you fading, daing or getting df'd and do you feel guilty about it now?
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EC
One....my husband...met him as a teenager when I "left the truth" for a little bit. Thankfully, he was the first to see the "light". Looking back now it is sad, I would always tell him he was not being a good head because he never took the lead in going to the meetings or out in service or had a regular family study....I remember a lot of private discussions between us with me saying that we were going to be responsible for our children’s death if we didn't get more serious. He would always agree and things would get better for a bit then it would go back to me being responsible for everything. I remember a pioneer sister would always drop by and she would say, "Honey, you just might have to take the lead...have yourself and the kids bathed and dressed and dinner cooked and when he comes home he will have no choice but to throw on his suit and go. He will eventually see how bad of a head he is being." To think everyone always thought my husband was weak or spiritually lazy, when in all reality, he is the most genuine, spiritual, loving husband and dad that I know. Then only thing we used to always fight about is the meetings, now our relationship couldn't be better!
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How very humbling....
by EC ini was never one to judge people.
most of the time i felt so sorry for ones.
however, looking back now, i remember times, especially in school where someone might have been really mean to me and i would think in my head "well, atleast i'm not goin to die!
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EC
I always appreciate everyone's comments.....thanks you all for your welcomes!
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Is there any way I can just cream skim the Truth????
by HiddenQuestioner ini have been lurking for some time and only recently started to post if you have seen my posts, i have always represented myself as a loyal jw and one who is planning to stay in however, lately my faith and commitment as a jw has been tested and, without going into details, i am having problems of faith and life that i could really use some help on.
if so, you might ask, why dont i just leave?
well, i have a wife that is a very devout jw and she would be crushed and very upset if i quit she believes it all 100% and lives to worship the borg in fact, she would be very upset if she even knew i was visiting this site.
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EC
You said you are willing to make your marriage work, but are you in love with your wife? I say this because if you get to the point where you decide to tell and try to get her to see it for herself then I would suggest you have a lot of love and support for her waiting. I know that leaving is plenty hard on the men here, but, you know, woman and men feel differently. Woman tend to be more emotional and wear their emotions openly. I truly feel that you, as a man and a husband, could do a great service to your wife by slowy "dripping" on her the real truth, BUT you would do an awful disservice to her if you are not willing to be there for her if and when she realizes it for herself. I can truly say it is the hardest thing, especially emotionally, that I have ever been through. I am not a cry baby, I consider myself to be a very strong woman, but I can tell you that I have broken down more over the last couple of months than I ever have in my life! My husband has been so supportive, but I know at times he is a little taken back because he has never seen me break like this. It is a very depressing time and without his unending support and his true unconditional love for me there is no way I would have made it. Everyone and everything I have ever known is in the walls of that Kingdom Hall including all of my family. Now, it is just me, him and our kids.....I thank God everyday I atleast have that!
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10
How very humbling....
by EC ini was never one to judge people.
most of the time i felt so sorry for ones.
however, looking back now, i remember times, especially in school where someone might have been really mean to me and i would think in my head "well, atleast i'm not goin to die!
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EC
I was never one to judge people. Most of the time I felt so sorry for ones. However, looking back now, I remember times, especially in school where someone might have been really mean to me and I would think in my head "Well, atleast I'm not goin to die!" What an awful, selfish and completely unchristlike feeling. I am feeling rather humbled lately to go from being a person that had all the answers and all the right ones at that!......to depending on ones we used to condemn for direction. A prideful person could never go through this experience and come out a better person.You definatly have to swallow a lot of pride and "eat a lot of crow" as they say....
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33
How do you choose......
by EC ini was born and raised a jw.... right now i know i am still going through the deprogramming, but in the pit of my stomach i so want to believe in something.
i don't know if it is because i always have had a regular "schedule" with god, but to leave and not believe anymore to me is very lonely.
where do you start?
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EC
Never in my wildest dreams would I have seen myself reading and especially posting at a site like this.....but I am glad I did. I have not been to the meetings in a while, but I did go to the circuit assembly. It just confirmed my thoughts. I have lived my whole life wondering why I wasn't good enough, why I would always have the best of intentions but it never seemed I was doing enough.....It was an awful feeling, especially as a child. I never could understand why so many people would have to die so terribly and how I would have to walk around after it was over and possibly see dead bodies everywhere, even of my friends at school and my unbelieving grandparents. And then picturing the "wild beasts" eating them. What an awful thing for a child to think about!.......They would be so pompous and then it would make me so angry to see witnesses living double lives and abusing alcohol (you know, abusing alcohol is an unspoken sin) Can't they see that they control people's lives so tight and have them so wound up that when they do give an "own discretion" rule for alcohol, EVERYONE abuses it, because it's actually something they feel like they can't control. So we end up having congregations of alcoholics! Crazy!!......... And even as a child I always wondered why we would think we could have the privilege to speak directly to Almighty God and just throw Jesus’ name in at the end??? I don't know if that sounds silly, but, here God sent his only son down to die a horrific death for ALL OF MANKIND and to be a mediator between us and Him and we just kind of ignore that and read a nice little book about Jesus. Is this crazy to you?? I have so many feelings. I have always felt deep and just could not understand why they were not loving. Don't get me wrong, some brothers and sisters are sincere, but, let's face it, with all the restrictions and requirements, who has the time to actually "care" about your fellow man?? A lot of the elders sure don't and the one's that do, the stress on their poor faces is pitiful. Some carry around the sadness looks......My entire family is still in and they consider me spiritually weak. My mom tried to talk to me and I just said that I didn't feel like I could talk to her because she might feel like she would have to come forth with something. She said, "Oh, I see honey, you and (my husband) have done something immoral?" I am like What!!??? "No, mom! We are the most moral people we know and all that we want is to be happy and raise our children to be the same." She totally didn't get it. She said her and my dad would love to sit down with us because we used to "have such a love for the organization." Man, once you take a step back you realize how completely ridiculous you sound. So sad.... I appreciate all the comments. They will all give me something to ponder. I hope that I will be able to make peace with this. It is a scary thing, because I will lose all of my family.....Why does it have to be this unfair?? At least me and my husband are on the same wave link. And I also am glad that my children are still young. I look forward to having chats with each one of you and I appreciate your time.
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How do you choose......
by EC ini was born and raised a jw.... right now i know i am still going through the deprogramming, but in the pit of my stomach i so want to believe in something.
i don't know if it is because i always have had a regular "schedule" with god, but to leave and not believe anymore to me is very lonely.
where do you start?
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EC
I just wanted to thank all of you so much for your replys. It brings tears to my eyes to think in just a few posts I have been helped more than in the organization my whole life! Amazing! I have alot to say, but I have to leave to go get the kids. I will be back later this evening and look forward to replying.....Thank you.