Sorry I just need to vent a little bit,, After I became inactive I moved away from my home congregation and town and things were really peaceful for a while. I even thought that I might get to avoid the February/ March elder visits as nobody knows me in my new location. Yesterday, I saw two sisters coming to the door and I didn't answer to hopefully avoid a confrontation. Anyway, I go to leave today and the same two ladies were at my door, saying that they had "heard from my mother that I needed some encouragement". Mind you, my mother lives atleast a few hours away and has never even seen where I live yet because I am "bad association." Remembering back, my mother did call me briefly last week and said that she would come for a visit if I would promise to go to a meeting while she was here- talk about emotional blackmail. I told here that I would be happy to have her come visit but would not promise to go to meeting with her. I guess she didn't like my answer, cuz she called and told them my situation and to come by. I told the sisters that I will not be going back and they didn't look to happy, so I imagine they will probably send the elders next week. Thanks alot mom!! Now they will not leave me in peace until I sign a DA letter. I can't believe that she put me in this position. I was enjoying my anonymity and still had a relationship with most of my family. It's her loss,,, I already told her that if the elders visited me and I told them that I didn't want to be a witness I would be DA'd but she didn't believe me. Well, I guess she just had to find out. Did your family "turn you in" too, when you became inactive? Or, otherwise force a descision? How should I respond to her the next time she calls?
dawn27
JoinedPosts by dawn27
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16
They Were Just Here,, Ugh!
by dawn27 insorry i just need to vent a little bit,, after i became inactive i moved away from my home congregation and town and things were really peaceful for a while.
i even thought that i might get to avoid the february/ march elder visits as nobody knows me in my new location.
yesterday, i saw two sisters coming to the door and i didn't answer to hopefully avoid a confrontation.
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When to put up Christmas decorations?
by Simon in.
the kids are very keen on having a christmas tree and some decorations.. is there any date these are supposed to go up or are we going to look really silly having it up mid november ?
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dawn27
My parents weren't witnesses when I was a youngster and we always put the tree up about 10 days to 2 weeks before. That way we had a couple of weeks to enjoy the smell of the pine and look at the lights but it wouldn't be turning brown yet by the 25th. If you had a synthetic one, though, I guess it wouldn't matter if it went up right after thanksgiving, would still look as pretty that morning,, The smell of the tree is one of my favorite things about it though,, I'd get a real one,,
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Where would you get married?
by Pleasuredome inthe thought of getting married at the kh was very depressing.
i always thought what a bore it would be, i mean afterall its a very special day in your life why do it at such a boring place?
i always thought about going to an exotic location for mine.. what about you?
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dawn27
I got married on the a coast (in my fathers back yard which overlooks the ocean) just before sunset and I'd never do it differently. I am inactive, my father is df'd and my husband is a sweetheart (no denomination). I don't miss having a Kingdom Hall wedding because after how the brothers and sisters were to me when I got engaged I realize that they wouldn't have wished for my happiness or success anyway. It was a small wedding but everyone who truely loves us was there and an oceanside wedding was what we had both always pictured for our big day.
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Hello...looking for some experiences
by Waido ini am the mother of a 25yr.
old daughter...she has broken off her engagement to her young man..after discovering that they have a few differences in beliefs...she is sick at heart and so am i..after a year of dating they got engaged...then a year later..she dicovers he is an inactive jw...they lived together...and she has a two year old baby..he is not the father...but he is a wonderful man..and really was very good to her and my grandson...my grandson calls him daddy...well the issures started popping up...all of the sudden...he is a jw...and he doesnt celebrate...anything...not so much said..as he doesnt show for the festivities...sort of passive restance...long story short..they started discussing..issures..and my daughter freaks over the not accepting transfusions...her precious baby...not save his life!!
!...she is not a staunch christian...but she has absorbed beleifs having been raised in my church...now she is laying here with tears...and trying to figure out how they can make this work....he says that she can raise the baby in her beilfs...and they could just each beleive what they beleive...she is in that same mode..her heart hurts..and she wants to figure out a way that all this will work...she keeps asking me...she is twenty-five...i am her monther...i am heartsick...i want my daughters happiness...for the long haul...we discussed about the words warning of being unevenly yoked...i was hoping prehaps she could get some of your experinces....and your insight....thank you....
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dawn27
Hi,, I am 27, an inactive witness and married to a wonderful spiritual (no-denomination) man. When I started seeing my husband I had a tremendous amount of pressure put on me by the congregation and I had to decide then and there if I would ever go back and after some research into the background of the religion and seeing alot of hypocrisy I decided that I would never be back and walked away. Her boyfriend sounds like he is on the fence right now and is probably facing alot of pressure as well. They make no honorable way to leave, if the elders found out about the living together he would be disfellowshipped (meaning being shunned by witnesses, even family members) and even if he goes to the elders and says he doesn't want to be a witness anymore he would be announced as "dissassociating himself" and would still be shunned. I didn't live with my boyfriend until we got married and got caller ID so I wouldn't say anything that they could use against me. And, I simply quit going. He sounds kind of torn, but he will have to decide soon between leaving altogether or becoming an active witness again, because the peer pressure he will get from the congregation and elders to conform will get more intense. Hopefully, he will follow his heart and do what is right for he and your daughter,, Being married to someone torn between their religion and the person they love would be frustrating. I was the one that was torn for a little while and was frustrating myself and my fiance until I made my final descision. Please be there for him as friends right now, because it is a lonely place when your family and friends start to turn their backs on you. I didn't mean to be so negative but I hope I've given a different perspective, as I've been in his shoes before. ThankThanks
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Reporting Time
by dsgal in.
i read on another post that something new was started at the last elder's meeting about "turning in time" or "getting time in".anybody know what it is?
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dawn27
I don't know if this is what you mean but I have only been inactive about three months and they were starting to have you turn in time to your book study conductor. If you didn't have it in by the third or fourth of the month you'd get a phone call asking if you had time to turn in. Nothing like putting you on the spot. I think alot of dubs could see through that though, I heard complaints about getting called and pressured. I guess they were just trying to tighten down on inactivity but it was pretty ridiculous to get those phone calls at ten at night asking for your hours. Glad I'm out!
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I MAY HAVE HIT BOTTOM
by BONEZZ ini thought i'd hit it several times before...as i have been thru the divorce over the past couple of years...lost all my so-called friends...lost my belief in what i thought was the "truth"....and now my own loving daughter, being the good little dub she is has told me she doesn't want me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
she told me today at lunch.
i almost threw up.
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dawn27
I am so sorry.. I truely believe your daughter will regret her actions just as I regret how I treated my father when he first got df'd. My brother was getting married to a sister and they left my mom (pioneer, holier-than-thou) in charge of the invitations. She did not even send one to our dad to attend the ceremony and not the reception.He was so sad and hurt but kept showing my brother and I unconditional love and concern while mom continued to bash dad and knit-pick everything my brother and I did. "Evil seed" you know. It was the first time we saw another side to the so-called truth. To make a long story short, my brother and I are both inactive now and my father is walking me down the aisle next week to a wonderful, spiritual (non-denominational) man. Although I took the high road and still sent my mom an invitation, she and the other dubs are not going to come. So, it is their loss. I guess they can feel the hurt of being excluded. They can dish it out but sure can't take it. Please don't give up on your daughter,, she will see how much you care and it may be the first step for her like it was for my brother and I. Take care & hang in there. Dawn
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I MAY HAVE HIT BOTTOM
by BONEZZ ini thought i'd hit it several times before...as i have been thru the divorce over the past couple of years...lost all my so-called friends...lost my belief in what i thought was the "truth"....and now my own loving daughter, being the good little dub she is has told me she doesn't want me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
she told me today at lunch.
i almost threw up.
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dawn27
I am so sorry.. I truely believe your daughter will regret her actions just as I regret how I treated my father when he first got df'd. My brother was getting married to a sister and they left my mom (pioneer, holier-than-thou) in charge of the invitations. She did not even send one to our dad to attend the ceremony and not the reception.He was so sad and hurt but kept showing my brother and I unconditional love and concern while mom continued to bash dad and knit-pick everything my brother and I did. "Evil seed" you know. It was the first time we saw another side to the so-called truth. To make a long story short, my brother and I are both inactive now and my father is walking me down the aisle next week to a wonderful, spiritual (non-denominational) man. Although I took the high road and still sent my mom an invitation, she and the other dubs are not going to come. So, it is their loss. I guess they can feel the hurt of being excluded. They can dish it out but sure can't take it. Please don't give up on your daughter,, she will see how much you care and it may be the first step for her like it was for my brother and I. Take care & hang in there. Dawn
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My mommy doesn't want me. . I need a hug
by StinkyPantz ini sent my mom a letter not too long ago telling her that i wanted my family back.
well, i got a very unexpected response.
she basically said "no".
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dawn27
I am so sorry. I am in the same situation with my mom right now and it hurts. I an inactive and marrying an unbeliever and my mom informed my she won't be at my wedding even though it is going to be by a judge and not in a church. I guess they had a article last month about how to treat people who marry out of the borg. So, she has been getting pressure to not be supportive of me,, makes me so mad and upset. I called and told her that our relationship needs to be based on mother/daughter love and not on my status in the borg and she said that was "apostate garbage thinking". So, I told her that if our relationship is "garbage" to her we have nothing else to say and she hung up. I guess I got my answer. I know it hurts but I've just had to remember that they are misled in their loyalties and still love us in their own way. I think what hurts the most is that I am loosing respect for her for not loving her children unconditionally and standing up to the elders to be at my wedding. So, I keep trying to make excuses for her, but it is just hurting me to want acceptance that will never come. I think there is just a mourning period that we have to go through. Hang in there! I truely believe that they will see down the road that their children loved them unconditionally and they will have regrets that they allowed the borg to dictate their relationships with their own children. We are the ones showing natural family affection, and I will be ready to forgive my mom with all my heart when she comes around. Take care and hang in there, Dawn
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A SISTER IS AFRAID SHE WILL GET MARKED
by minimus inyesterday, a friend told me that she has been secretly dating a non- witness.
she plans on marrying him and will tell about her relationship only after she is married.
she is worried that she will be marked.
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dawn27
I am in her situation, getting married to a non-believer very soon and unfortunately if she doesn't kiss up to them right now the elders will do everything they can to make sure she will be "marked" in her cong. They told me that I needed to agree to break up with him immediately after my elders meeting (not judicial, haven't done anything to be df'd) or face consequences (no privileges, marking talks, ect.). I calmly told them thank you for their time, left, and got caller I.D., and never went back. They have called several times and sent sisters to talk to me and find out info, if I am still getting married and when, ect. I don't know what marking talks they have given, but they have managed to scare a few members of my family from going to my wedding, who formerly were going to be supportive because they like him and know I'm not being immoral. So, they are working behind my back and it ticks me off, just because I hurt their pride. They can dish it out but sure can't take it. If she wants to stay in her cong. peacfully, she has to kiss up and play by the rules and hope they go easy on the marking talks. If not, she needs to get caller ID and not answer the door because they will look for a way to df her or get her to sign a da letter. Any info she tells anyone right now can be used to nail her. I am sorry to be so blunt but if she is the trusting sort, she needs to know what they will do before hand. I am so glad to be free.
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Well today is the day that I leave the WTS
by Leander inthis morning i told my wife about my decision to step down as a ms and that i also would'nt be attending any meetings.
she made a few comments that i expected her to make, but strangely enough she was for the most part very silent.
she made it clear that she was against the decision but outside of a few other comments she said very little.
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dawn27
Please let us know what happens,, I am in a similar (fading)situation. I stopped going to meeting three weeks ago after an aweful meeting with two elders (gave me an ultimatum about breaking up with my boyfriend and picking up my service hours). I work full time and go to college and love my boyfriend so I said I couldn't agree to do everything they said. I've had phone calls and notes on my door but haven't replied (done nothing to get df'd)so I am just curious if they will try to get us to sign da letters or just call a time or two and let us fade.. Hopefully the later because I don't know about you but I won't sign and play their game ( have family in ). Looking forward to reading your posts,, Dawn