Posts by MEtheMC

44

depression and why JW's don't reconize it

by nogs in

well as you know unless you are an elders son or daughter generally jw's don't lift a finger to help all those ones feeling downtrodden and lonely.

i felt like this from july 1994 to march 2000. i prayed to jehovah constantly for help to ease the loneliness, i begged the elders and even others.

for a long time the only ones who would talk to me where the elderly ones(who i miss now since i left) i cried every night and felt after five years of being at meetings and feeling invisable (even though i was an auxillary pioneer) i decided that my life was worth fighting for.

MEtheMC

you sound like me serendipity

44

depression and why JW's don't reconize it

by nogs in

well as you know unless you are an elders son or daughter generally jw's don't lift a finger to help all those ones feeling downtrodden and lonely.

i felt like this from july 1994 to march 2000. i prayed to jehovah constantly for help to ease the loneliness, i begged the elders and even others.

for a long time the only ones who would talk to me where the elderly ones(who i miss now since i left) i cried every night and felt after five years of being at meetings and feeling invisable (even though i was an auxillary pioneer) i decided that my life was worth fighting for.

MEtheMC

gracias, willyloman. i was actually working on a term paper about law enforcement and pedophilia and this website came up in the google search. i saved the link while i debated if i should visit it or not. (you know we have been getting all kinds of warnings at the meetings, assemblies, and conventions about visiting JW websites online unless it it is the society's official website). i am glad i found it. thanks everyone for the great welcome. methemc

44

depression and why JW's don't reconize it

by nogs in

well as you know unless you are an elders son or daughter generally jw's don't lift a finger to help all those ones feeling downtrodden and lonely.

i felt like this from july 1994 to march 2000. i prayed to jehovah constantly for help to ease the loneliness, i begged the elders and even others.

for a long time the only ones who would talk to me where the elderly ones(who i miss now since i left) i cried every night and felt after five years of being at meetings and feeling invisable (even though i was an auxillary pioneer) i decided that my life was worth fighting for.

MEtheMC

got it anewme. i send you a PM in reply.

44

depression and why JW's don't reconize it

by nogs in

well as you know unless you are an elders son or daughter generally jw's don't lift a finger to help all those ones feeling downtrodden and lonely.

i felt like this from july 1994 to march 2000. i prayed to jehovah constantly for help to ease the loneliness, i begged the elders and even others.

for a long time the only ones who would talk to me where the elderly ones(who i miss now since i left) i cried every night and felt after five years of being at meetings and feeling invisable (even though i was an auxillary pioneer) i decided that my life was worth fighting for.

MEtheMC

i am very new to the board, just an hour or so. this topic caught my attention because i have been dealing with depression for about 4 years now (and the therapist i saw said it has probably been longer). the past 18 months have been the worse - my mother, a faithful sister, died from kidney cancer (she was diagnosed and died two months later) and then five days after i buried her, i was admitted to the hospital and had to have a total hysterectomy. follwoing my surgery, my health has gotten progressively worse. the first year follwoing my mother's death, i didn't mourn. i felt like if i grieved it would be showing a weak faith, or disbelief in the resurrection. then towards the end of 2005, all the grief and emotion dropped on me like loaded safe. i was also upset about turning 40 and having never been on a date, or had a boyfriend, and being older, my chances of ever having that gone. (i say this becasue here in the States the brothers my age like 'em young with perfect bodies and pretty faces - forget about personality and spiritual qualities). anyway, i spoke with the elders on several occasions, but the sessions were fruitless because i never felt i could honestly express myself. so it was the same speech all the time. what really used to tick me off was when they would tell me that i should appreciate my singleness and view it as a blessing (not in those exact words but really close). of course it was always married people who tell you that. and i was in a congregation in florida where 95% of the members were married, 4.7% were widowed (and a lot older than me!)and .2% were children, and .1% were single, however, they were younger than me and most were dating. i was made to feel like i was doing something wrong for wanting to find someone to share my life with. having never had a man in the truth notice me made me feel ugly, and unworthy. and then on top of that the elders made me feel guilty for wanting to have a husband and family of my own. and not just the elders, but the other MARRIED sisters did the same. I remember one sister jumped down my throat about appreciating my singleness, and then invited me to her house to watch a movie with her and her husband. they sat on the couch cuddling and grinning at each other and i sat there alone and uncomfortable. i let her know that i didn't appreciate her telling me i was wrong for wanting to end my singleness and have a husband, but then she turns around and without regards for my feelings make me feel like third wheel. i never went to their house to socialize again. weddings also became a depressive activity for me. i haven't been to one in about 6 years. why? because i get tired of sitting there watching everyone else dance to songs i love becasue i am single and should not be slow dancing with a man. so, i now boycott weddings. the same thing would happen when all of my married friends would invite me out "dancing" - they would dance and i sit at the table all night looking like a retard. so, my last shepherding call was a disaster. the one of the brothers told me that it was up to me to make myself happy and until i was ready to do so, they couldn't help me (mind you i am also on welbutrin, because i have been diagnosed with clinical depression). i blew up. i finally just told them to go ahead and give their speech and i would just stare off into space. following that i rarely went to a meeting. of course the guilty was killing me and i have sinced moved back to the state i grew up in and i have started attending meetings again. but it is hard. i feel like Jehovah turned his back on me years ago (as is His right), so i don't feel like i belong in the Kingdom Hall. but where else am i going to go? i have been thinking a lot about death lately becasue i don't feel like i have much to live for. i haven't actually tried anything, but the thought is always there.