I have read many posts on here and on other websites from people who were brought up or became immersed in a particular religion or belief system, who later ,often because of bad experiences with their religion, went to the opposite extreme of not believing in God at all. This often puzzles me because I wonder if people who reject a belief in God because of the hypocrisies they experienced in their former belief really are rejecting God or just a man-made organization which claims to be God's spokesman and has shown to be anything but.
I was raised in a Presbyterian church which is about as traditional and conservative as you can get and my image of God was molded by that belief. I saw the services and people there as dead basically. Everyone just read off a bulletin and went through the same robotic motions every week. No one there really talked about God outside of church or seemed any different than those who never even went to church. It seemed everyone just followed a bunch of traditions without question in the hope God,if there, might see them as better people for it. It was as though people went more for social and community reasons (good for the kids and that kinda stuff) than out of any real longing to know God as a body of Christians.
Later, when I was at an age where I was fighting my parents every Sunday morning about even going to church with them, I had a one on one encounter with God that changed my whole view of things. One night when my parents were out on the town, I pulled a Jehovah Witness book out of a drawer my mother had put in there and told me I should read it, "maybe it would do me some good" ,she's say. My mom was very naive and accepted the book from some JW's who came by earlier and in her mind they were probably just some nice "Christian,religious" folk, My mom really didnt know what they believed and if she did ,she'd probably take the book anyway just to be nice.
Anyway, one night my curiousity led me to pull the book out and start reading it (I waited til noone was around to catch me). I read several scriptures which I had never read before and which turned my world upside down. To make a long story short, I felt confused and convicted by some of the Scriptures and started crying out to a God I wasnt even sure heard or cared. When I got to the point I couldn't cry anymore, I felt the most awesome peace and presence come over me. I almost thought I had left my body because it was so spiritual, like I was floating and overcome with love and lightness . I now know this is what being born-again means (even though this term is often used as a label now).
Well, to make a long story short, I briefly studied the Watchtower books,thinking they'd help me grow spiritually--after all they were what led me to God in the first place. But when the things I read started contradicting my personal experiences with God ( ex: the belief Jesus is not God,when it was Jesus I cried out to and saved me) I came to realize they were not God's organization but God used their book to get to me just like he used a talking ass once. Since then I have been in several churches, evangelical, pentacostal, baptist, non-denominational, and visted several others and have seen many hypocrisies and legalisms and problems. I knew when I was being a hypocrite,even when others didn't but it never caused me to disbelieve or doubt God. In fact , the more problems I see in the church world the more it makes me want to seek direction and wisdom straight from God instead of through flawed human beings. Religion will often use God's name to boost themselves, their egos. Its easy to go to a service ,go through the motions,pretend to be super-Christian, then secretly do just the opposite of that belief.
But ultimately when I pray and commune with God, I have peace,I have order, I'm more calm because I'm no longer controlled by outside circumstances and I realize He is still in control and very much real and alive for those who wish to know Him. I have a very positive view of God and all my negative experiences with "Christians" and religions and those who don't believe never changes that. For me to doubt the existence of God would be like doubting the existence of my mother or father. Once you know someone and let them in your heart and experience their unconditional love its impossible to doubt their existence even if you choose to reject them or stop communing with them. That is why when I read peoples posts about not believing in God anymore,it makes me wonder if they really "knew " God at all-not a religion, not a belief,not an organization,not a theory, but a one -on -One, life-changing,powerful, living ,vital, communion with the Creator of all things. I hear a lot about people and their relationship with their church or kingdom hall but hear little of people talking as though God was ever really real to them or able to be known as anything more than just a doctrine or tenet of their religious institution.
