Gift...no!
Card...sure, whatever.
Basically, since your "friend" didn't invite you, you'd be inviting yourself to this function. If you feel fine with that...
Personally, I don't think you should go. I DEFINITELY don't think you should send a present. A card is okay, in my opinion.
You deserve to have people in your life who are proud and happy to share not only their lives with you, but to happily enjoy YOU sharing your life with them. Sure, she can sit there and accept your present... but where is she in extending kind words or gifts in celebrating your life and accomplishments?
The only good I can see in going is that your mother might be horrified at how badly they treat you...which could cause a slight crack in the mindset. And a small crack (or several) might eventually lead to questioning...
p.s. don't call her until you find out if the shower is a surprise or not!!
p.p.s.
Though the shower is for "the baby", the child won't know if you are there or not. Officially, it's for the kid. Realistically, it's for the parent. So, I wouldn't allow yourself to get too caught up in the "do it for the baby" concern. There may be a time when the child will need you, but at that time, the child would probably be old enough to know who you are.
Edited by - detective on 18 December 2002 11:16:53