Posts by detective

I watched it as well.I was mostly being tricky about it though. I really wanted to have my (ex)JW friend watch it with me as he is still in the JW mindset at times and I thought it might be a good way to open a conversation with him about uh, tightly knit communities. Besides, The Amish are considered a high control group that also practices shunning- a pretty good way to get my friend thinking. So, despite my aversion to reality shows, I planted my butt with my buddy by my side and we watched.

It was interesting, although some of the people were a little hard to take (mostly the "city" kids). It is true that several of the Amish kids spoke about leaving the group in the past tense which struck me as odd while I was watching it. I suspect that there may be merit to the argument that several of them had already left the group before signing on to do the show. Then again, I'm not sure it matters too much. Heck, they found parking meters fascinating- good for them.

{getting closer...}

15

my last contact with my mom

by doogie in

jw
friends

i wrote an email to my mom last friday.

it didn?t go so hot.

my girlfriend had sent her a pretty harsh letter criticizing my family sharing her opinion about the religion about 2 weeks ago and she had never gotten a response (which kind of surprised me, actually.

detective

Wow Doogie, that stinks. I'm sorry you are hurting. I think the idea of sending flowers is nice, if you remind yourself that it is just a gesture, and not get your hopes up that it will melt her heart! I found the Steven Hassan book, Breaking the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for themselves was pretty helpful to me in thinking about a long term goal of a positive relationship and how to help make it happen. I found it interesting and took advantage of some tips in it.

I never sent flowers to my beloved, but I did offer a variety of one time "gestures" without any (apparent) strings, in hopes that my friend would know that I was there for him no matter what. I say "apparent" of course, because on some level I hoped each gesture would finally crack that cultish attitude and get my back my true friend. Those gestures weren't always easy to extend and at times, I felt very resentful that I continued to reach out to my friend while feeling slapped in the face. It's important to balance keeping the door open without being a doormat. Ultimately, you have to look after your emotional well-being.

I wish you well with your struggles. Be the best person you can be to yourself and your new family-that crazy ass girlfriend of yours who sent that letter (go girl!)

{not yet...}

11

Serena in the News Again

by Kenneson in

serena claims she puts god first, family second and tennis third in her life.

see "serena trying to stay focused on tennis.

when you're the first tennis player to have a bobblehead doll cast in your image, what's to worry?

detective

Looks like even Wally's changes over time. Had a bunch of rather pale, suburbanite friends who'd frequent the place in the early nineties. Never made it there myself though. Heard it was great.

9

Hassan's "Releasing the Bonds"

by TallTexan in

for those of you who have not read this book, i encourage you to immediately obtain a copy, especially if you still don't believe that jw's are a cult.

although inactive and filled with doubts about the organization for a number of years, i truly disregarded all thoughts of it as a 'cult'.

i figured that it was simply misguided men who thought they were doing the right thing.

detective

I definitely modified some of the techniques in the book when I was working on getting my friend out. It was extremely helpful. In particular, I found that Hassan's mention of looking for physical clues as to when someone is in "cult" mode and when someone was relaxed and in a mood closer to themselves was quite helpful. It seems obvious, but sometimes we get so caught up in our own agenda, we don't always look to see if the conversation is really open or closed.

I would often push the envelope a litle and then watch for the body language that indicated even a subtle shift into defensiveness on my friend's part. Then, I would change my approach and watch for signs that the authentic personality was kicking back in. It gave me a good indication as to when I needed to lay off and let things ride or when I could push a little bit without my friend getting all cult-y.

I also worked with the idea of losing trust and regaining it. If I challenged the cult too much, then I would lose my friend's trust. I'd end up having to slowly regain it by making sure he didn't feel threatened. When I really became cognizant of the subtle shifts in mood and perspectives.

I spent months actively working on my approach. Of course, 9/11 happened and it all went to the potty anyway, but I feel that the months of actively building the trust stayed in his mind over the months that we had limited contact after that and I believe it helped bring him around in the end.

I didn't enlist team help as most people seemed unwilling to recognize that my friend was in a high-control group, so most of the work I did, I had to do on my own. Would have been nice to have that sort of support in the real world though (not here online- where you can get that support).

24

Impregnated with Wrong Sperm

by simplesally in

did you read the story about the lady who got inseminated with the wrong sperm?

it was not her fiance's sperm, who is black, the lady is black as well.

it should be a happy time for 40-year-old laura howard of trumbull.

detective

My goodness Elsewhere- it's her child. Yes, I understand it's not her fiance's baby, but it's her biological child! What kind of a partner would he be if he expected her to kill her own much sought after baby? Would you really want your partner to kill her own child because, by no fault of her own, she was impregnated with someone else's sperm?

16

Good-Bye (Good-Riddance?)

by proplog2 in

this is my 999 post.

i've been fairly active on this board for the last month trying to get to 1,000.. this has not been an easy task for me.

my posts aren't just brief comments.

detective

I know exactly what you mean- I'm saving my 2137th post for the great tribulation kick off party.

(Ah, but in a tricky twist I'm never going to make my 2137th post, only my 2136th post- thereby delaying the great tribulation! Brilliant, huh? I'll be preventing the eager Jehovah's Witness over-molestion of newly tame lions by preventing the whole Tribby process! I'll save the whole world... all by not posting! I'm a hero! Well, heroine. Awesome, I say! Awesome. I'm way smart!)

Well, have a good day then! Ciao ciao!

218

Another great picture posting Thread.

by Stefanie in

jw
friends

here is mine and my hubby's.

i might take it down latter so my crazy ex dont find it.

feel free to post pics of you, your kids, your pets plants anything will be grrreat!

detective

Love the picture of you and your sweetie, neon!

Great!

9

activism...yahoo.

by detective in

jw
friends

okay, i'm not that excited about it, but i feel i've done my part today, albeit, with mixed emotion.. i happened into a clinic at the hospital and lo and behold amidst the peoples and newsweeks in the waiting area... hmmm... someone tucked a few magazines into the reading selections- big surprise, i know!

it just wouldn't be a waiting area without a "100 best dressed celebs", a dog-eared better housekeeping, a barely touched newsweek and of course, our best protection against satan- the ever-popular watchtower and awake magazines.. ugh.

now i'm miffed.

detective

Sorry guys and thanks for the responses. I checked for responses and saw that my story was growing dusty and unnoticed so I never checked it again! Bad me!

I did get a response from an hospital administrator, but I'm not sure if I can post it. I'll probably give the gist of it in a post next week...