DesertRat

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Posts by DesertRat

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  60

  Are You Afraid That Armageddon Is Going To Come Since Leaving "The Truth"?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'm not but i bet that there are some that quiety worry about it.....what about you?

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  DesertRat

  Every so often that thought still forces its way into my consciousness (AAARRGGHH!!!), but as time goes by it is less a concern because:

  1.) I realize that what does & does not happen in the world is completely independent of my spiritual leanings of the moment. As many of you undoubtedly realized long before I did, leaving the Org or not going to meetings anymore does not in itself create a worsening of world conditions (perhaps it is just that one's perception of or sensitivity to such events is changed..)

  2.) There is my deeply-held conviction (which I think will always be there to some extent) that I never should have been born in the first place, so death for any reason would be no great loss. Among the reasons for that are the fact that my parents waited 13 years before I was born (so I was not exactly a priority), my feeling that the pregnancy was merely an attempt to 'patch things up' after my father's indiscretions, & the difficult infancy (which may explain my many challenges later in life..)

  3.) I share the sentiments of LisaRose earlier in this thread--if murder at the hands of a 'loving' God is the price to pay for trying to be a more compassionate, understanding, & tolerant person post-Org, then so be it. Nor can I understand how this 'loving' God could similarly annihilate billions of kind, loving, or compassionate people worldwide just because they are not full-fledged members of a barely-century-old American religion..

  4.) Perhaps the most revealing thing to me about 9/11 was how scared my seemingly devout JW mother seemed as we watched those events unfold on worldwide TV. She paced the floor, endlessly wringing her hands, muttering 'the End is here, the End is here,' ad nauseam. I, the newly-fading ex-JW, sat there calmly thinking, 'Great!!! Now if only Jehovah is loving enough to allow me one last hike in the mountains before putting me out of my misery!!!'

  I wonder how many other JW's harbor a secret fear of the future despite all pretenses to the contrary..

  DR
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  85

  Remember when KH's had a piano and real singing?

  by WingCommander in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the thread about got me thinking about my very early childhood, back when witnesses were allowed to be social and have get togethers.

  they also had a piano in every congregation i ever attended, and an older sister would always play the kingdom melody.

  there was actual singing - not mindless droning and humming.

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  DesertRat

  Those were the days, indeed. I still remember that piano in the corner of my first KH, & the older sister who played it. Those arthritic fingers could really fly...

  DR
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  47

  Why does god allow suffering?

  by GBSJG in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i always had trouble with answering that question.

  if there is a god why is there so much suffering?

  so i looked up the offical explanation of the wts in the bible teach book chapter 11 paragraph 12 says: let us consider an illustration.

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  DesertRat

  Of all the issues that enraged & confounded me while growing up in the Org, this has got to be the biggest one (so please forgive me in advance if I rant just a little). The usual WT explanations of integrity, proving God's right to rule, etc. (as discussed earlier in this thread) just didn't hold water for me...

  I once came up with an analogy similar to yours, GBSJG, but tried to put myself in the place of the supposedly 'loving' Father. Suppose I had a son who was out playing ball with friends in the front yard. The ball goes sailing out into the street, right into the path of an oncoming vehicle. Could I say that I loved my son if I saw what was about to happen, was perfectly capable of intervening, & yet did nothing about it? "I love you so much, son, I'm going to help you ENDURE this!!!"

  It is slowly beginning to dawn on me that maybe the problem I have is not with the idea of God himself (if He exists, or how), but 'God' as dictated to me by the WT publishing company all those years. I try honestly to read the Bible & Christian publications at times, but always run up against the same obstacle--the ideas of God, Jesus, etc., immediately trigger their JW interpretations in my mind. Which only gets me angry & frustrated all over again. Many others I have met who left the Org (including some I have met on this site) have maintained a Christian outlook or belief system. I sincerely wonder how that can be done..

  Though I am a long ways from figuring everything out for myself (including the nature of God or a Higher Power), there IS one conclusion I have arrived at: 'God' as manufactured by the WTS is a self-serving being who loves & protects individuals only to the extent that it accords with 'His' plan or interests. The young German JW of WWII, with a young wife & newborn child at home, who is about to face a firing squad for his beliefs, MIGHT have been delivered via angelic intervention if it was in line with 'God's' will (or whim?). Then again, he might not have been. The first time I ever swore in front of my mother was when I said, "If Jehovah is so loving, why doesn't he just TAKE DAD'S F***ING CANCER AWAY!!!" All I got for saying that was a slap across the face...

  I cannot help but think of a line (which I have almost memorized) from the movie 'Devil's Advocate,' where Al Pacino (playing the 'Devil') says the following, "Let me give you a little inside information about God...God likes to watch...He's a prankster...Think about it...He gives man instincts...He gives you this extraordinary gift & then what does he do, I swear, for his own amusement--his own private, cosmic gag reel?...He sets the rules in opposition...It's the goof of all time..."Look, but don't touch"..."Touch, but don't taste"..."Taste, don't swallow"...(he laughs)...And while you're jumping from one foot to the next, what is he doing?...He's laughing his sick, f***ing a** off!!!...He's a tighta**...He's a sadist...He's an ABSENTEE LANDLORD (emphasis mine)."

  Thanks for letting me vent

  DR
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  78

  100 reasons to love Canada.

  by jeeprube in

  1. social
  2. humour

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  1. crown royal.

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  DesertRat

  Better healthcare (from what I have heard)

  Molson beer

  The people!!!

  Vancouver, BC (probably my favorite non-US city). Stanley Park on a sunny day is incomparable...

  Canada's 'pocket desert' in Osoyoos/Okanogan Valley, BC.

  The rock bands Rush & Triumph

  The FDR (former president Roosevelt's) summer home on Campobello Island, New Brunswick

  My parents once had Dub friends in Kitchener (suburb of Toronto?) & may have attended conventions there. They had an opportunity to relocate in '67 or so but the call of Gilead was too strong

  DR
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  46

  As An Ex or Fading Witness, Do You Have Any Goals?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  do you hope to accomplish anything at this point in your life?

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  DesertRat

  1.) To stay sane (i.e., no more hospital visits--EVER)

  2.) To somehow purge myself of every vestige of my JW upbringing & programming from my mind & my life (a good hypnotist would be wonderful...)

  3.) To develop myself as fully as possible in all areas--physically, mentally, emotionally, & spiritually. To continue reading, exploring, growing, & attempting to find something positive in every experience or interaction...

  4.) To overcome my social & neurological deficits as much as possible & gradually widen my circle of friends & acquaintances, eventually including at least one special lady & the proverbial 'older sister' & 'little brother' I never had...

  5.) Perhaps to write a book someday...

  6.) To buy & tinker with at least two or three of the cars my father loved but never lived to acquire--an early 1970's Porsche 911, an Alfa-Romeo Spider or GTV, Triumph TR6, etc.

  7.) To buy a nice little piece of land in Sonoita (remote high-desert town southeast of here), but spend lots of time away from home, travelling the world & visiting all of the places I have always wanted to see (especially Latin America & Europe).

  8.) To learn & grow with this site indefinitely, & hopefully to meet many of you in person someday..

  DesertRat
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  33

  Fluff- Have you named your vehicle?

  by serendipity in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was emboldened by elsewhere's post where he called his mini cooper "nancy".

  the large glass of wine also helped me to make an admission.

  many years ago, i named my car "sully" after the scrumptious character in "dr quinn, medicine woman", mainly to tease my daughter.

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  DesertRat

  Daystar--I once had a white '91 Prelude Si that I simply called 'Baby.' Totalled in a 2004 rollover accident. I still miss her every day

  Now I am driving a '98 Accord V6 Coupe that I call 'Tigress' because of the growling sounds she makes on hard acceleration. Great car--sleek, fast, all the bells & whistles, ultra-reliable--but even routine maintenance costs $$$.

  Just got her out of the shop last week after the latest scheduled oil change, plus replacement of a faulty ABS (anti-lock) brake sensor, power window regulator, & a SLOOWWW leak from the rear main engine seal. Total damages: $794.00

  DR
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  23

  Has anyone had Shingles???

  by mama1119 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  hello.... i was in the er last night because apparently i have shingles!!!!!!!!

  the doctor said it is caused by stress, which re-activates the chicken pox virus that lays dormant in your system.

  so i guess i need to learn some stress management skills.

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  DesertRat

  I had shingles two years ago, in an unbroken arc on my right side. While it was not the worst pain I have ever experienced, it was almost intolerable & made sleep especially difficult. The antiviral medication (acyclovir) almost made me sick

  Aloe vera gel helped alot. If the medication upsets your stomach (as it did mine), taking it with yogurt might help too..

  Hope you are feeling better soon..

  DR
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  68

  What Did You LOVE About Being a Jehovah's Witness?

  by Seeker4 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok. minimus had his 'what did you hate about being a jw' thread, so i want to take a different tack on this.

  i'll even start it.

  i loved some of the get-togethers we had.

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  DesertRat

  I loved being able to get out of going to a meeting by offering to stay home & 'take care of Dad' (the ONLY positive thing about his illness..). Feeding him, changing him, giving him medications, etc., was not exactly FUN, but far preferable to another boring, guilt-inducing evening at the KH..

  I missed many meetings in his last year...all with the full knowledge & understanding of the congregation

  DR
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  5

  Parking lot encounter, but not with JW's...

  by DesertRat in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  yesterday (monday) while getting out of my car in a supermarket parking lot, i was approached by two well-dressed young men carrying bibles.

  at the first instant i froze, thinking that they were 'you-know-whos.

  ' it should have occurred to me right then, from the fact that both were wearing white shirts, black ties, & name tags, that i was not dealing with jw's.. my immediate response was to say that i was not interested but thanks anyway.

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  DesertRat

  Yesterday (Monday) while getting out of my car in a supermarket parking lot, I was approached by two well-dressed young men carrying Bibles. At the first instant I froze, thinking that they were 'you-know-whos.' It should have occurred to me right then, from the fact that both were wearing white shirts, black ties, & name tags, that I was not dealing with JW's.

  My immediate response was to say that I was not interested but thanks anyway. The first one was pleasant enough & shook my hand; the second was a bit more persistent (actually starting to open up his Bible), so I was more forceful with him. I was so distracted at the time that I did not think to ask a couple of the questions I have always had about the LDS faith (perhaps there will be another time..)

  Anyone else ever have a similar experience (i.e., parking lot encounters with groups other than JW's)??? I found myself wondering whether the JW's picked up the idea from the LDS, or vice versa

  DR
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  65

  What Things Did You Hate About Being A Jehovah's Witness?

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

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  anything in particular?

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  DesertRat

  Missing Saturday morning cartoons because we had to go in field service. Having to get all dressed up & go out into a territory where I knew kids from school (& also knew what teasing would follow on Monday...)

  Getting picked on for not saying the Pledge of Allegiance, or for having to leave the classroom whenever holiday activities began. Sometimes just the stares hurt most of all.

  Getting slapped for using the word 'darn' in a sentence..

  While out with 'worldly' relatives & my cousins are getting new toy pistols, my parents saying, "We don't let our son play with things like that.."

  Struggling through a Bible reading or demonstration in the Service Meeting (even if it meant getting sick afterwards), only to hear later, "You're just doing what Jehovah expects of you.."

  The constant feelings of guilt, often for no reason that I could think of, & the thought that I absolutely HAD to let everyone know who I was & try to 'witness' to them somehow, or their blood would be on my head & I too would die at Armageddon..

  All of the prayers that went unanswered. Trying to make sense of a God who supposedly 'loved' me but could paradoxically annihilate me at any moment..

  Elders coming to me in the hospital, telling me I was weak & needed to 'try harder' spiritually. "You know, once you feel a little better, one of us would be glad to pick you up for field service sometime." (Spoken while I had my head in my hands, trying to shut out the whole world...)

  The full knowledge & awareness that no matter what I did, no matter how long or hard I tried, it was never, ever, EVER going to be enough!!!

  Anything & everything that made me feel even more alien & unworthy than I already did..

  DesertRat