Posts by LHS123

57

"Normal family affections and dealings" continue - If only?!?

by LHS123 in

i am new to this forum - it is only a couple of weeks since i have allowed myself to acknowledge and research my doubts.

i am trying to be fair by reading both sides of the story and considering jw official explanation of confusing matters.

one of the issues i have been looking at is shunning - and i was shocked to see the misleading information about shunning on the jw.org website: .

LHS123

Thanks Faye Dunaway, you are so right!. I realize that every time I've talked to someone in the past I have several thought processes interfering with the act of being genuine and interested and friendly:

1. Should I try to preach to this person, I should really, how am I going to bring it up without sounding like a nutjob....I'll feel guilty later because I didn't , maybe I should try next time....

2. This person is really nice, I like him/her but I shouldn't get too close because they are in the world, if we get on well, they'll invite me somewhere and then I'll have to say no and feel bad about it. If it's their birthday it will be awkward. Better act cold and distant so this friendship doesn't develop.

With witnesses:

1. He/She's probably wondering why I wasn't out in service / at the meeting last week, there not really interested in me just trying to find out what's going on.

2 I better hadn't mention (what I did, who I've seen, how I feel, what my family members did etc............) That might not go down too well, they might think bad about me or they might tell some elder etc.

what have these people done to my brain!!!!!!

57

"Normal family affections and dealings" continue - If only?!?

by LHS123 in

i am new to this forum - it is only a couple of weeks since i have allowed myself to acknowledge and research my doubts.

i am trying to be fair by reading both sides of the story and considering jw official explanation of confusing matters.

one of the issues i have been looking at is shunning - and i was shocked to see the misleading information about shunning on the jw.org website: .

LHS123

Thanks for the replies, every day brings new Revelations.

Just reading ,' misquotes, deceptions and lies' on jw facts , no wonder they don't want us to read this stuff!

it is painful, but in other ways good, not lying to myself feels good and I find I'm looking at the world and the people in it in a much more positive light , had some lovely conversations with 'worldly' neighbors today, without thinking in the back of my mind, 'don't get too friendly' or acting closed off. 😊

57

"Normal family affections and dealings" continue - If only?!?

by LHS123 in

i am new to this forum - it is only a couple of weeks since i have allowed myself to acknowledge and research my doubts.

i am trying to be fair by reading both sides of the story and considering jw official explanation of confusing matters.

one of the issues i have been looking at is shunning - and i was shocked to see the misleading information about shunning on the jw.org website: .

LHS123

I am new to this forum - it is only a couple of weeks since I have allowed myself to acknowledge and research my doubts. I am trying to be ‘fair’ by reading both sides of the story and considering JW official explanation of confusing matters.

One of the issues I have been looking at is shunning - and I was shocked to see the misleading information about shunning on the Jw.org website:

What of a man who is disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are still Jehovah’s Witnesses? The religious ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings continue.

Since this is the only example given of the affects on a family of disfellowshipping, this clearly implies that ‘normal family affections and dealings’ continue in all families affected by disfellowshipping but we know that is far from the case - in fact a recent WT even told parents not to use EMAIL as an excuse to communicate with disfellowshipped family members. (wt 1/15/2013)

Really upset to see that any member of the public might read this thinking, "oh that’s reasonable, it doesn’t affect family ties" when we know for sure that is just not true. Shocking.

I am sure this has been mentioned before by seasoned members - but thought it might help someone else like me.

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

LHS123

Hi paradise beauty, just to say I am in a very similar position to you, this week has been like an awakening and is a very painful process. On the other hand it feels great to finally allow myself to acknowledge my doubts and research them instead of saying to myself something like "that each teaching doesn't seem quite right to me....but,.I must be weak and need more faith, I'll just go along with it and hope it falls into place". For me the big things are shunning esp. family, blood, 1919 (don't think it has any scriptural backing now), birthdays and all none jws will die! Now I'm researching it's amazing how quickly long held beliefs seem so false, it just takes a scratch beneath the surface, shocking - now we know why we were told not to read anything else other than WT stuff on any important matter! Having said that the guilt is ever-present for me. It's helped me to write down how I'm feeling on each subject today, and maybe I'll look back and see my progress of awakening. Its really helping me to know I'm not lone, hope it helps you too.

15

Stress on young ones

by LHS123 in

jw
friends

i had a horrible conversation with my 14 year old last night which i regret.

im still in but doubting more and more every day.. she is recently baptized.

she is outgoing and gorgeous and make friends easily, although not so much with the sisters in our hall, who pick her up and drop her again regularly , leaving her out of parties etc but then bringing her back into the circle, dropping her again...and so on.

LHS123

Thanks all of you, I know I'm a bit of a mess, not knowing which way is up to be honest and I need to get it together for my kids more than anything. I'm just starting to acknowledge my doubts but then I do still value some of the teachings . I Recognise that being a jw might have kept my daughter from experiencing too much too soon, although on the other hand I think it sent my son off the rails!! I apologized to my girl and she is fine, she said "well if anybody has a problem with that photo they can come and ask me about it can't they?", well said! I need to trust that she's intelligent enough to see the reality of how things really are and who her true friends are in her own time. I just want to protect her from the hurt I've experienced.

15

Stress on young ones

by LHS123 in

jw
friends

i had a horrible conversation with my 14 year old last night which i regret.

im still in but doubting more and more every day.. she is recently baptized.

she is outgoing and gorgeous and make friends easily, although not so much with the sisters in our hall, who pick her up and drop her again regularly , leaving her out of parties etc but then bringing her back into the circle, dropping her again...and so on.

LHS123

I had a horrible conversation with my 14 year old last night which I regret

im still in but doubting more and more every day.. She is recently baptized. She is outgoing and gorgeous and make friends easily, although not so much with the sisters in our hall, who pick her up and drop her again regularly , leaving her out of parties etc but then bringing her back into the circle, dropping her again...and so on. She has no reliable true friend in 'the truth' except me, her brother stopped going last year and they were really close, now they go their separate ways.

she has friends at school who she gets on with really well. I have recently 'relaxed' my strict husbands rule of no worldly kids in the house, (on occasion) and a school pal dropped into see her for an hour last night. She put a photo of them both on a social network and I panicked. I thought, all the jws will see that and be like, why is she with a worldly girl? Judge her and gossip about her and maybe she'll be less likely to get asked to the next get together! So I told her my fears and made her paranoid too, she went to bed in tears. She is pioneering this month and trying her best, she just likes some girls who aren't jws - how dare she?!

This is just what happened with my son, he had great friends at school and wanted to see them (only human right?), we said no so he started sneaking out and told his 'best' jw friend,....witness friends started distancing themselves and uninviting him, he of course starved for companionship turned even more to his school friends. The rest is history.

this is one of the aspects that has turned me off so much, the eagerness to judge and exclude young ones who are just under pressure and need friends. They push them out of the org when what they really need is true friends who won't judge them but will support them. So sad and I really worry about the consequences for mental health and future relationships.

32

Seeking support during confusing and stressful 'cognitive dissonance'

by LHS123 in

jw
friends

sorry for the long post but i need help.

ive been a jw for 20 years - still active and attending meetings, baptised at 18, i have recently become very dissillusioned.

a few reasons: ill treatment of my kids by a prominent 'assembly speaker' elder, then my son left the truth at 15 (not baptised) and was 'dropped' instantly, despite this community having been his whole life for 15 years.

LHS123

hi everyone, feeling quite elated today, was totally depressed a few days ago but things are getting clearer and clearer. I really feel great by acknowledging and 'owning' my true opinions on various issues, instead of squashing doubts and going along with the party line. I don't feel guilty, I feel good and I am still praying and don't feel bad about my new honest opinions on some issues which are out of line with what the GB say I should believe - the arrogance! Thanks again for your support.

41

"Jehovah's people as a whole can never be corrupted..."

by cappytan in

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zgds4z-h2i.

transcript below (with key points of interest bolded):.

please open your bibles to phil.

LHS123

This talk is just one of many which encourages us to forgive and put up with people who are downright mean and unchristian! The emphasis is always on forgive and cover over, move on, don't make a fuss. Nasty, power hungry people in the org. use this as an excuse to hurt others because they know they can with impunity. Why don't we get more talks telling people not to hurt others in the truth, not to misuse their position of authority, not to be judgemental and unpleasant - and how about the organisation actually deal with people who do hurt lowly ones instead of telling the meek ones to put up with mistreatment and shut up.

21

Thoughts: Convinced that my wife will never awake from the brainwashing

by goingthruthemotions in

hello all, it's been a long time since i have posted.

well, things have not changed on my end.

i am still going thru the motions.

LHS123

I agree that women are upset more by the emotional damage than the doctrinal issues. I'm still in but the disturbing things for me are shunning (especially young ones), child abuse, and the blood issue - I was absolutely horrified by the May 1994 awake which paraded pictures of children who had died for the blood issue - how can any organisation glorify such loss of young life? - another comment which really 'hit' me was a comment by a respected national newspaper about our allowance of blood fractions, along the lines of 'don't jws realise that blood fractions requires a great deal of donated blood being stored and processed - if that's ok why isn't a transfusion?' Looking at the way Jesus valued life, healing on the sabbath ('breaking' gods' law) then I don't think we really know what he would say standing by a hospital bed with a young child with leukemia in it, dying because of refusing a modern treatment nothing to do with ancient dietary laws. If we 'sin' by saving a childs life by new medical advancements then I am sure God would forgive us readily based on the sacrifice of JC just as he forgave the Israelites that 'rushed at the spoil' because they were weak and hungry in 1 Sam 14.

32

Seeking support during confusing and stressful 'cognitive dissonance'

by LHS123 in

jw
friends

sorry for the long post but i need help.

ive been a jw for 20 years - still active and attending meetings, baptised at 18, i have recently become very dissillusioned.

a few reasons: ill treatment of my kids by a prominent 'assembly speaker' elder, then my son left the truth at 15 (not baptised) and was 'dropped' instantly, despite this community having been his whole life for 15 years.

LHS123

Hi everybody, first of all thank you so much for taking time out to reply to a stranger - it is truly touching.

strangely enough, you don't all sound like tools of Satan (ha ha) but just reasonable people who went through doubts and a painful exit yourselves. thank you for your advice, I will take it all on board with an open mind.

My daughter was actually baptised earlier this year, I think part of it was reaction to her brother leaving, I was emotional so agreed even though I wasn't convinced, my husband is strong in 'the truth' and he was thrilled she wanted to 'dedicate' herself. I am just encouraging her to make her own decisions about friendships and education, not to give up these things like I did. She gets it and she is fiercely independent so I think she'll be okay. If she does choose to leave in the future at least she'll have my support and thankfully my parents and sister are not in the truth. Strangely enough, (I must have inadvertantly passed this on to her) but she told me last night she believes that many none JWs including children will survive armageddon, that Jehovah reads hearts and that's the only important thing - she says no-one will ever change her mind on that point. shes a good girl.

My husband has listened and been supportive, but said what I am reading sounds 'dangerous' - he wants me to meet with the elders, although he doesn't have much confidence in the ones we have here. If I do meet with them I will tone down what I have said here and probably just concentrate on the 'confused about children dying at Armageddon' point - surely they can't df me for thinking kids and sincere ones might survive! But seriously I will be careful because I don't want to be ditched by my whole community before I am ready for the fallout.

He was the abuser in years past unfortunately, but he has made some serious changes in the last few years, and I think because I am much stronger now there are a lot of things that I just won't tolerate anymore and he knows it. We are probably still together because of our new baby, and my daughter, and because there is still love there. maybe or maybe we won't survive me leaving 'the truth', if I do....?!?

Thanks again for all of the advice. x