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I like fishing for carrots, rubbing alcohol into open wounds and attending the kingdom hall.
serotonin_wraith
JoinedPosts by serotonin_wraith
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15
I asked why did the wise men bring Jesus gifts on his birthday?
by MsMcDucket inman, did i get that evil look from everyone around me.
they said because he was to be king, and all of the kings received gifts on their birthday, and how dare i presume to be like jesus.
i was confused.
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serotonin_wraith
Whatever happened to those gifts? To a humble biblical family like the Christs it would have been the equivelant of a rollover lottery win, yet they remain in the poorly paid carpentry business.
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6
I'm Off To Kiss Hank's Ass
by serotonin_wraith inkiss hank's ass and he'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
mary: "hank didn't have any paper.".
mary: "it's what hank wants, and hank's always right.".
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serotonin_wraith
I'm sure alot of you have seen this before, I think it's great. Taken from http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php
This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:
John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."
Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me:
"Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"John:
"If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."Me:
"What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"John:
"Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."Me:
"That doesn't make any sense. Why..."Mary:
"Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"Me:
"Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."John:
"Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."Me:
"Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"Mary:
"Oh yes, all the time..."Me:
"And has He given you a million dollars?"John:
"Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."Me:
"So why don't you just leave town now?"Mary:
"You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."Me:
"Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"John:
"My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."Me:
"Haven't you talked to her since then?"John:
"Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."Me:
"So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"Mary:
"Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."Me:
"What's that got to do with Hank?"John:
"Hank has certain 'connections.'"Me:
"I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."John:
"But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit out of you."Me:
"Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."Mary:
"No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."Me:
"Then how do you kiss His ass?"John:
"Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."Me:
"Who's Karl?"Mary:
"A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."Me:
"And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"John:
"Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."From the Desk of Karl
Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
Use alcohol in moderation.
Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
Eat right.
Hank dictated this list Himself.
The moon is made of green cheese.
Everything Hank says is right.
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Don't use alcohol.
Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.
Me:
"This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."Mary:
"Hank didn't have any paper."Me:
"I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."John:
"Of course, Hank dictated it."Me:
"I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"Mary:
"Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."Me:
"I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"Mary:
"It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."Me:
"How do you figure that?"Mary:
"Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"Me:
"Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."John:
"No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."Me:
"But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."John:
"There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."Me:
"Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."Mary:
"But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."Me:
"I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."John:
"Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"Me:
"We do?"Mary:
"Of course we do, Item 7 says so."Me:
"You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"John:
"Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."Me:
"But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"Mary:
She blushes.John:
"Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."Me:
"What if I don't have a bun?"John:
"No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."Me:
"No relish? No Mustard?"Mary:
She looks positively stricken.John:
He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"Me:
"So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"Mary:
Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."John:
"That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."Me:
"It's good! I eat it all the time."Mary:
She faints.John:
He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
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11
Door to Door-----End is Near----run to our Convention
by RachelHall inby ervin dyer.
pittsburgh post-gazette
it's 10:30 a.m. and a mix of sweat and rain bead up on the brow of dave hickok.
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serotonin_wraith
Yeah but ya know, earthquakes, and we've NEVER had them before!
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18
My personal experiences. How long can I keep up this facade?
by alienagent ini am a 34 your old man who has been raised a jw.
i am baptised and have been inactive for some time now.
i live with my mother (a devout jw) and my youngest sister who is df'd.
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serotonin_wraith
Don't take this wrong, I can see how it's happened, but you're a 34 year old grown man still worried about pleasing others, who frankly don't deserve your loyalty. Get your own place, stop hiding who you are, stop going to the meetings if that's what you want, and force them to accept it, same as they forced you to accept their way of life. If they don't, that's their problem. The happiness of an entire life is way more important than the tiny bit of happiness they get knowing you're following their God's way. The world is full of people with all different levels of morality and beliefs, haven't you been trapped in one fraction, one bubble of that for long enough? There comes a time you have to stop respecting what your parents want from you if it's not what you want, and I think one third of the way through your life means it's definitley time for a change.
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19
0-16. My Story.
by serotonin_wraith ini was raised from the womb until the age of 16 as a jw, i was never really a part of it.
i never got baptized, by the end i hated everything about it.
the worst part was not being able to voice any opinions i had on the religion, not unless i wanted them to fall on deaf ears and be considered immoral.
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serotonin_wraith
My mum was out of it, I'm not sure if she was disfellowshipped, she was in the past. My Dad had me because he'd laid the guilt trip on my mum after she left the JWs that I could die come armageddon, so it was best I went to live with him. I could still see her, but the distance made it so it wasn't often enough. That was when I was about nine.
My mum has started to show an interest in going back, she's stopped celebrating holidays and goes to some, if not all the meetings. Completely stupid in my eyes, because she had such a clear view on what is was all about, same as most people here. It's something I'm going to start talking about in another thread.
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12
Ever realize you're forgetting and like it?
by Mysterious init just struck me today how much jw behavior i have forgotten as opposed to the parts that are irritatingly hard to stamp out.
i realized how often i toast, buy meat without checking the label, swear when i drop something, research anything i want on the internet, go to metal concerts, etc.
i think sometimes we don't think of how far we have come but only dwell on how far we have to go and we shouldn't.
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serotonin_wraith
I think alot of it has to do with who you have around you in your life too. If you leave, yet nearly everyone you know is still a JW, the guilt could stay around longer. I became surrounded mostly by 'worldly' people and their normal views of holidays etc, and that helped tremendously to just carry on with all the things I wanted to do.
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Jesus and Apostles Parody Videos
by serotonin_wraith inthese are from a show made in the uk a few years ago called 'this morning with richard not judy' with comedians stewart lee and richard herring.
i can only find 2 so far, but 10 were made in total.. consider the lily: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igsn7vg5odc&search=tmwrnj.
satan tempts jesus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj2nxyeaefy&search=tmwrnj
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serotonin_wraith
These are from a show made in the UK a few years ago called 'This Morning With Richard Not Judy' with comedians Stewart Lee and Richard Herring. I can only find 2 so far, but 10 were made in total.
Consider the lily: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgSn7VG5Odc&search=tmwrnj
Satan tempts Jesus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj2NXYEAEFY&search=tmwrnj
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Great Educational Tool for those studying or thinking of studying with JWS
by sf ini was doing some web surfing and catching up on my reading and came upon a post i hope may help some lurkers and seekers understand better what they are getting themselves into or may have already gotten into, by studying the bible with jws.. i surely hope it is not going against any rule to copy/paste this.
i will not include anything but the text.
i will say though that it is from a longstanding exjw support board that can be found here:.
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serotonin_wraith
I think one of the main things that shows this site isn't trying to convert people to a non-believers view is that it isn't advertised by magazines or door to door salesmen. Everyone who comes here has done so because they have chosen to, and can leave at any time.
I can't see how the rule on not speaking to DF people is okay just because family members are allowed to. Stopping anyone talking to anyone is just unnecessary control. Are they afraid you may become corrupted? And for the victim, all it's going to do is make them feel pushed away and isolated, hardly a good thing if the end result wanted is them returning to the congregation.
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0-16. My Story.
by serotonin_wraith ini was raised from the womb until the age of 16 as a jw, i was never really a part of it.
i never got baptized, by the end i hated everything about it.
the worst part was not being able to voice any opinions i had on the religion, not unless i wanted them to fall on deaf ears and be considered immoral.
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serotonin_wraith
Thanks for the welcome everyone.
Bubble, I'm too scared to reveal my true location, ah who am I kiddin, I really couldn't care less. South Wales, near Newport. See, that's how your attitude changes the longer you're free. A few years ago I'd have been scared of my thoughts getting back to certain people, now to hell with it. I'm proud of the choices I made and I have never ever wanted to go back. I won't act like a different person for anyone.
Supersonic, I'm not sure what I would have done if I didn't have anywhere else to go, I got lucky there or I could have been trapped for a few more years. I think you said you were thinking about going on to university, which I'm all for, but it could hold you back from moving out too. Depends how you go about it.
I can see alot of people have joined up because they're at points in their lives where they need people to talk to about their experiences, I've also seen comments from people who still want to believe in Jehovah yet who don't like the witnesses way of doing things, which to me is a little strange. I'm only going from my own perspective there, I'm not speaking for others. For me, the religion was either an in or out affair. If you're between, to them you're basically out. I think that could be to do with people finding it hard to break free completely because it's been such a big part of their lives. They're clinging onto it.
I decided to join up because I was talking on msn to someone who'd just found out her friend was a witness, then the next day I saw some going around my area, so it was on my mind and after some searching of anti-JW sites I was drawn here. It could be a good way to help any youngsters who are in my former position. I broke free and now guilt trips won't work on me, I'll pretty much say whatever's on my mind and if it offends some people, life can be alot worse than a few insulting comments on a message board. Not that I'll go out of my way to offend, but you can't please everyone, with whatever you say.