Posts by done4good

31

My Successful Fade

by Darth Rutherford in

it's been a while since i've posted anything about myself.

i've been on jwn for a couple of years.

my leaving the organization was not because i lost my faith, but i left because of my faith.

done4good

Darth-

Wonderful story! Made my day reading it this AM!

I see many parallels to my own story.

d4g

52

It is so obviously a lie......now

by snare&racket in

once the spell is broken, one you take a deep fresh breath outisde of the watchtower camp, the amazingly obvious realisation becomes clear.... of course this is a lie, of course this is ridiculous!

you find you have memories of really believing the claims and promises, but it seems like another life, another experience.

it seems so incredibly false once you leave and it is very difficult to belive you even once accepted it!

The gambling addition analogy is appropriate. Actually, the concept of addiction itself is fitting. You made a point that I do not see made often on this board, but I observed in JWs as well. Born-ins and converts are not much different, once the "addiction" sets in. Think of a baby born to a drug addicted mother, vs. an adult addict. There is no real difference in terms of the signifcance of addiction in either. Either is equally powerful, and damaging.

Addicted to what though? The addiction in this case, is of an existential nature. Existential anxiety is "fear of the unknowable". Concepts that religous belief cater to include,"why do we exist", "what do we feel when we die", and so on. These are things that fall into the unknowable category, when an absolute answer is sought. Generalizations can be made, (some obviously more accurate than others, i.e. those that lean toward a scientific explanation), but these things do remain unknowable in the absolute sense. Religions that have very black and white, very "absolute", answers about such things tend to dull the natural effect of this anxiety, (much like heroin does physical or emotional pain), and just as heroin, are very addictive. A born-in just inherits this addiction from their parents. An adult convert makes this choice once exposed to the "relief" it offers, of the existentialism. In the end, this is why there is little difference, and either type of JW really has just as good of chance of breaking free under the right conditions.

What are the "right" conditions? Basically, in my observation, the pain of something else either directly or indirectly caused by the belief system needs to be more prevalent, than the pain caused by the existentialism, to the point where even the "withdrawal" symptoms are less painful.This is why many leave after experiencing a divorce, a judicial committee, being forced to "step down", etc. All of these things expose the sickness caused by the addiction.

Add to this, the enormous amount of cognitive dissonance one experiences when reality challenges their belief system, and it becomes easy to see why it is so hard to break free. The cognitive dissonance is experienced because a person cannot imagine life without their "drug". It changes how they understand everything around them. The "unknowable" answers to things the religion once provided are suddenly not valid anymore. This is unaccaptable to almost anyone under the spell of belief, and therefore the response is rationalization, denial, etc.

d4g

25

If only there were another GB member like Ray Franz

by tornapart in

i'm just rereading crisis of conscience and was thinking if only there were others on the gb like him.

maybe things could change for the better.

for instance when he felt troubled that a woman couldn't get a divorce when her husband cheated on her with another man.. his response was this:-"the emotional upset i felt moved me to make a study of the original language terms (in greek) used in matthew, chapter nineteen, verse 9.".

done4good

All they need to believe is this is "Gods" organization, and that their reason for existence is to protect and perpetuate it. With that mindset, they do not need to believe anything they teach at all. What is taught, is so, because it is thought of to have the best probability of protecting the organisation. Pure pragmatism with a good level of cynicism to keep it that way.

Ray spoke of this cynicism in CoC and ISoCF. This could only have increased in the last 35 years. IMO, no chance of another Ray Franz "incident".

d4g

103

That does it ! I'm leaving ! ! !

by Billy the Ex-Bethelite in

jw
friends

leaving the university with my degree!.

exams are finished and it's just a matter of days before i walk.. i was certainly stressed about doing this.

i'm older than my classmates and armageddon was sooooo close!

done4good

Congrats Billy!

d4g

34

I be a walkin......

by out4good3 in

jw
friends

across that stage tommorrow dressed in graduate garb picking up a masters degree.. .

.

done4good

Nice!

Still about a year off on my M.Eng.

d4g

21

New Scientist Article: God not-botherers: Religious apathy reigns

by AndersonsInfo in

jw
friends

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg22229671.500-god-notbotherers-religious-apathy-reigns.html#.u2je8vco7mr.

god not-botherers: religious apathy reigns.

01 may 2014across the developed world, people are losing interest in god without becoming atheists.

done4good

As the prime minister, David Cameron, said in his next breath: "faith is neither necessary nor sufficient for morality"

Oubliette-That is an awesome statement!

Agreed. I thought that was probably the most succinct articulation of the thought I have read.

d4g

25

How to cope with depression?

by make yourself in

i know its very common for jws and ex jws to deal with depression.

maybe it's a side effect of cognitive dissonance or the whole outlook on life being a jw.

but what are some ways to cope with depression?

done4good

1. Get help. No sense in going it alone, or without professional expertise.

2. Identify the enviromental situations that trigger it, and remove yourself from them if possible.

3. Get medication if needed.

4. Do not abuse alcohol. It will make it worse.

d4g

11

RIP: Timothy Campbell

by Wild_Thing in

jw
friends

this is old news, as it happened six or so months ago, but i just found out today.

timothy campbell died of kidney cancer in november of 2013. he started one of the first ex-jw forums, beyondjw.

i met him in person once.

done4good

Sad news for sure. Timothy was instrumental in helping me through the mental part of my exit back in 2006. I learned so much from his website, including learning about Ray Franz and CoC. Very kind and gentle person.

RIP

d4g

38

Did you ever write your disassociation letter?

by make yourself in

but never gave it to the elders or anyone in the congregation?

.

done4good

Blondie-Just be careful that the result is not what you intended.

That is a very good point. I think it deserves a thread of its own.

In short, I would say that it is impossible to know exactly what might happen when a person DA. When I DA'd 7 years ago, I decided it was more important to allow myself to just be me. I am still learning this to a ceratin degree, I think. Most JWs opinions simply did not matter to me all that much at the time. Very recently, I figured out there were some that still mattered to me a whole lot, and to make a long story short, one such friend found my letter a few months ago. It is on this site and even signed with my real name, so if someone wanted to find it they could. I very possibly lost that friend. Nothing really could have prepared me for the pain that followed, but in the end, if I were to continue the dialogue with that friend, the relationship would have likely been damaged anyway, (DA or not), simply because it is not in my nature to fake it, so the truth woud have come out.

In the end, I believe the real issue is does a person need to keep their friends/family more, or do they need to keep themselves more.

d4g

38

Did you ever write your disassociation letter?

by make yourself in

but never gave it to the elders or anyone in the congregation?

.

done4good

Blondie-No

I don't play their game

No pearls before swine

Sorry, but this "playing their game" platitute is something that needs to stop. It is repeated far too often here, and many times by respected posters on this board. It could not be any farther from the truth. I DA'd 7 years ago and it had nothing to do with playing anyone's game. I had completed a successful fade by the time I did it. It had nothing to do with "closure" either. Rather, it was a pragmatic decision to ensure my freedom. No looking over my shoulder if I want to put up a Chirstmas tree or be seen at the voting polls for me!

If you think about it, if you have to hide who you really are around JWs, (and this is NOT judging those who are fading, I know there are many good and important reasons to do so), what could be "playing their game" any more than that?

d4g