Posts by done4good

19

New Here and happy to have found you

by flowerfreaks2 in

have been out officially for 5 1/2 years.

i was the only one out of all my 4 other siblings that stayed with it.

baptized at 16 and felt the need to carry on the heritage that my mom gave me to do.

Were you 100% in?

by pontoon in

i was baptized in 1968. last meeting 2010. i have to say i was never 100% in.

there were times i absolutely believed, but i never really gave it my all.

never liked service, assemblies, meetings.

100% until July 12, 2005. Very quickly dropped to about 50% that day, and 0% by March 2006, (read CoC by then). Sure I had doubts before that, (everyone does), but they had no meaningful effect. The cognitive dissonance was too strong.

12

What is your status???

by lrkr in

my family and i are planning a trip to a nice vacation area close to where my (active jw) parents and sister and brother in law live.

my family and i are not df'd, da'd or anything else- we just executed a successful fade and havent looked back.

sooo- i've expressed my interest in spending some time with them on vacation (why not- right??).

done4good

lrkr-

It is hard to accept, but this is the price to pay for fading. Eventually, it becomes inevitable that you either have to come clean with who/what you are and doing with your life, or fake it, to keep the relationships going. It is not fair, but it is their game, their rules.

For the most part, I moved on years ago, DA'd, and did not care what anyone thought. In the end, that is still the case, but...it does not mean I would not want to have a relationship with some good JWs I know. I tried to do this recently, and failed, and yes, it still hurt.

My point is, even if I did not DA, the same eventuality would have taken place in time. I actually was very honest with this one friend right from the outset of our recent conversations, and especially so because I care about her. I know she sensed that there was more to the story that I was not mentioning, (I was not trying to keep anything hidden, the DA letter did just not occur to me anymore), but because she was suspicious, she kept digging, and found the letter on this site. That was the end of our short lived "new" relationship. In any case, even without the letter, enough would have been spoken about that would have likely made her avoid me anyway. The only way that could have been avoided, would have been to lie. I could not, and would not do that.

And yes, I did get the "what is your status?" question, (or some variation of it), also. This is a typical trigger phrase question that would have no meaning outside of the JW world, but has a very specific meanining within it. If you try to answer honestly, (in the non-JW literal sense), you may as well be saying you are "no longer one of JWs".

I will send you a PM. We did meet up in NY a few years ago.

d4g

31

My Successful Fade

by Darth Rutherford in

it's been a while since i've posted anything about myself.

i've been on jwn for a couple of years.

my leaving the organization was not because i lost my faith, but i left because of my faith.

done4good

Darth-

Wonderful story! Made my day reading it this AM!

I see many parallels to my own story.

d4g

52

It is so obviously a lie......now

by snare&racket in

once the spell is broken, one you take a deep fresh breath outisde of the watchtower camp, the amazingly obvious realisation becomes clear.... of course this is a lie, of course this is ridiculous!

you find you have memories of really believing the claims and promises, but it seems like another life, another experience.

it seems so incredibly false once you leave and it is very difficult to belive you even once accepted it!

done4good

Great post, Snare.

The gambling addition analogy is appropriate. Actually, the concept of addiction itself is fitting. You made a point that I do not see made often on this board, but I observed in JWs as well. Born-ins and converts are not much different, once the "addiction" sets in. Think of a baby born to a drug addicted mother, vs. an adult addict. There is no real difference in terms of the signifcance of addiction in either. Either is equally powerful, and damaging.

Addicted to what though? The addiction in this case, is of an existential nature. Existential anxiety is "fear of the unknowable". Concepts that religous belief cater to include,"why do we exist", "what do we feel when we die", and so on. These are things that fall into the unknowable category, when an absolute answer is sought. Generalizations can be made, (some obviously more accurate than others, i.e. those that lean toward a scientific explanation), but these things do remain unknowable in the absolute sense. Religions that have very black and white, very "absolute", answers about such things tend to dull the natural effect of this anxiety, (much like heroin does physical or emotional pain), and just as heroin, are very addictive. A born-in just inherits this addiction from their parents. An adult convert makes this choice once exposed to the "relief" it offers, of the existentialism. In the end, this is why there is little difference, and either type of JW really has just as good of chance of breaking free under the right conditions.

What are the "right" conditions? Basically, in my observation, the pain of something else either directly or indirectly caused by the belief system needs to be more prevalent, than the pain caused by the existentialism, to the point where even the "withdrawal" symptoms are less painful.This is why many leave after experiencing a divorce, a judicial committee, being forced to "step down", etc. All of these things expose the sickness caused by the addiction.

Add to this, the enormous amount of cognitive dissonance one experiences when reality challenges their belief system, and it becomes easy to see why it is so hard to break free. The cognitive dissonance is experienced because a person cannot imagine life without their "drug". It changes how they understand everything around them. The "unknowable" answers to things the religion once provided are suddenly not valid anymore. This is unaccaptable to almost anyone under the spell of belief, and therefore the response is rationalization, denial, etc.

d4g

25

If only there were another GB member like Ray Franz

by tornapart in

i'm just rereading crisis of conscience and was thinking if only there were others on the gb like him.

maybe things could change for the better.

for instance when he felt troubled that a woman couldn't get a divorce when her husband cheated on her with another man.. his response was this:-"the emotional upset i felt moved me to make a study of the original language terms (in greek) used in matthew, chapter nineteen, verse 9.".

done4good

All they need to believe is this is "Gods" organization, and that their reason for existence is to protect and perpetuate it. With that mindset, they do not need to believe anything they teach at all. What is taught, is so, because it is thought of to have the best probability of protecting the organisation. Pure pragmatism with a good level of cynicism to keep it that way.

Ray spoke of this cynicism in CoC and ISoCF. This could only have increased in the last 35 years. IMO, no chance of another Ray Franz "incident".

d4g

103

That does it ! I'm leaving ! ! !

by Billy the Ex-Bethelite in

jw
friends

leaving the university with my degree!.

exams are finished and it's just a matter of days before i walk.. i was certainly stressed about doing this.

i'm older than my classmates and armageddon was sooooo close!

done4good

Congrats Billy!

d4g

34

I be a walkin......

by out4good3 in

jw
friends

across that stage tommorrow dressed in graduate garb picking up a masters degree.. .

.

done4good

Nice!

Still about a year off on my M.Eng.

d4g

21

New Scientist Article: God not-botherers: Religious apathy reigns

by AndersonsInfo in

jw
friends

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg22229671.500-god-notbotherers-religious-apathy-reigns.html#.u2je8vco7mr.

god not-botherers: religious apathy reigns.

01 may 2014across the developed world, people are losing interest in god without becoming atheists.

done4good

As the prime minister, David Cameron, said in his next breath: "faith is neither necessary nor sufficient for morality"

Oubliette-That is an awesome statement!

Agreed. I thought that was probably the most succinct articulation of the thought I have read.

d4g

25

How to cope with depression?

by make yourself in

i know its very common for jws and ex jws to deal with depression.

maybe it's a side effect of cognitive dissonance or the whole outlook on life being a jw.

but what are some ways to cope with depression?

done4good

1. Get help. No sense in going it alone, or without professional expertise.

2. Identify the enviromental situations that trigger it, and remove yourself from them if possible.

3. Get medication if needed.

4. Do not abuse alcohol. It will make it worse.

d4g