Welcome campaign of hate. It's exciting to see so many new ones waking up and moving toward freedom.
It's a process, but I promise you, it gets better. The "what ifs" are killers...and they haunt me from time to time. Like Blondie says, be proactive in your healing...whatever it takes. Read. Find out who you really are and what you really want...it will strength you and give you courage for each step of the way.
Discover/rediscover things that you love. Refuse to give the WBTS any power any more. Your actions have consequences, but they are less if you are strong and confident in taking charge of your life.
We've all been right where you are. We are happy to have you on board. Welcome to the dark side...we have cookies.