Posts by Juniper

42

HELP - my boyfriend's ex called and wants them to reconcile....what to do?

by Juniper in

i've been seeing an amazing man for a few months now.

i recently found out that before we met, my boyfriend had been thinking about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend.

(who is going through a divorce of her own right now) they have a two year old son together.. he says that if his child weren't involved, he wouldn't even consider going back to her.

Juniper

I don't think that this is about him loving you or not, I think it's about his fear for his son.

Thank you, Eclipse! I'm so glad that someone understands that.

That's been the point of this all. He has told me that he doesn't love her anymore. He's told me that he feels that we have the potential of having a long-lasting, secure relationship...but of course, it's early yet. I believe him. But he also feels that trying to make amends with the ex will sort of 'rein her in' when it comes to her tendency to make quick and unhealthy decisions. She's not an 'unfit' mother in the full sense, but she's disfunctional when it comes to life decisions.

He knows I understand his situation. I was married for 9 years, and spent the last 4 of those years in misery waiting for MY mr. x to come to his senses. I stayed far beyond the point of love simply because of an obligation I felt was there. Of course, now I have no doubts that I didn't do my part to try and make it work...but at the time, when our marriage ended, I still felt like I was to blame.

He feels an obligation to his son, but it's becoming misplaced. His parents had difficulties raising him separately, and I think he is sensitive because of that. He's a good man. But like me, his sense of obligation is outreaching what is reasonable.

I hope he can see that, but it's not my place to make him see it.

42

HELP - my boyfriend's ex called and wants them to reconcile....what to do?

by Juniper in

i've been seeing an amazing man for a few months now.

i recently found out that before we met, my boyfriend had been thinking about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend.

(who is going through a divorce of her own right now) they have a two year old son together.. he says that if his child weren't involved, he wouldn't even consider going back to her.

Juniper

I feel that if he makes a decision not to go, then he's learned from his past mistakes.

If he decides to go back to her, then to me that means he truly prefers living in chaos.

This decision is going to tell me a lot about the man he is, and the man he wants to be. I won't wait for him or take him back if he chooses her and it doesn't work out. He knows that.

42

HELP - my boyfriend's ex called and wants them to reconcile....what to do?

by Juniper in

i've been seeing an amazing man for a few months now.

i recently found out that before we met, my boyfriend had been thinking about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend.

(who is going through a divorce of her own right now) they have a two year old son together.. he says that if his child weren't involved, he wouldn't even consider going back to her.

Juniper

Thanks for the input, all. :)

I'm doing some serious thinking about this one, that's for sure.

I asked him to make a final decision this week and to let me know what that is.

I gave him some things to think about while he makes his decision. He told me that his 'hangup' is that he is battling feeling 'obligated' to take her back, in the hopes that it is better for his little boy. He's worried about her running off and getting tangled up with some 'yahoo' that will mistreat his son - and feels that it might be 'the high road', even if it's what he doesn't want to do. I wondered out loud if their 'reunion' would in any way guarantee that it would never happen, as they had a volatile relationship right from the start.

He agreed that the chances of them staying together are pretty slim. He also knows that I am not, and never have been the type to leave 'when the going gets tough'. To me, the decision is simple, but I understand he has some guilt issues because of his son. He's a wonderful father, and his little boy is living proof of that.

I told him to think seriously about it, make a final decision, and I'll respect whatever that decision is.

In the meantime, if any of you all happen to have a crystal ball...........might I borrow it? :) j/k, hahah!

42

HELP - my boyfriend's ex called and wants them to reconcile....what to do?

by Juniper in

i've been seeing an amazing man for a few months now.

i recently found out that before we met, my boyfriend had been thinking about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend.

(who is going through a divorce of her own right now) they have a two year old son together.. he says that if his child weren't involved, he wouldn't even consider going back to her.

Juniper

I don't think he trusts her at all, actually. During the 3 years that they were together, she left him numerous times. Then she ran off to 'get back at him', and married a man six months later. She sounds like a total train wreck.

He already has his son 3 days a week, so he has a relationship with him. But he has a lot of guilt, and feels that maybe it would work 'this time' if they got back together. She claims she's 'learned her lesson' and wants him to forgive her for the past. I think she's just scared of being alone and is going through a divorce.

I hate being in the middle of this, since I love him and obviously want him to stay with me.

42

HELP - my boyfriend's ex called and wants them to reconcile....what to do?

by Juniper in

i've been seeing an amazing man for a few months now.

i recently found out that before we met, my boyfriend had been thinking about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend.

(who is going through a divorce of her own right now) they have a two year old son together.. he says that if his child weren't involved, he wouldn't even consider going back to her.

Juniper

I've been seeing an amazing man for a few months now. I recently found out that before we met, my boyfriend had been thinking about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend. (who is going through a divorce of her own right now) They have a two year old son together.

He says that if his child weren't involved, he wouldn't even consider going back to her. But now he says he's torn because he is in love with me, but he also wants to do what's right for his child.

I don't know what to say to him. I'm terrified that he'll take her back, we have a great relationship/chemistry together. We both feel that there is a strong potential for us to have a long lasting relationship. But I also understand that his motives are also driven out of love for his son.

Should I try to convince him to stay with me? Or should I let him decide without any influence from me? I'm afraid this whole thing will turn into a battle of 'who fights for him harder'. I'm not like that, if he chooses me, I want it to be because he loves me, not because I had the 'better argument'.

Any advice, anyone?

5

Breaking the news to my family this week....if I can get up the nerve!!!

by Juniper in

jw
friends

so, here's the deal....i've spent the last two years riding the 'inactive' train and it's gone pretty smoothly.

but it's gotten to the point where i have to tell my folks that i don't intend to ever go back.

i've been putting it off because i know my dad will want to hear exactly why i want to do this, and then (obviously) try and 'reason' with me to think otherwise.. i love my family a lot, but i can't lie to them anymore and continue to blame my lack of meeting attendance on fabricated excuses.. i'm trying to find a way to just say that i don't want to do it anymore without having it turn into a theological argument.

Juniper

I totally agree that I don't want to explain myself at all. But I also love and respect my folks and want this to be as lowkey as I can possibly make it.

I'm hoping I can find some 'cut and dry' thing to say to them. I kind of thought that if I told them I would speak to an elder here in my area, that they could harass him instead of me. :) Then, I could just call him and say whatever it is I want to say. I dunno. I guess there's no easy way to do this! ***sigh***

5

Breaking the news to my family this week....if I can get up the nerve!!!

by Juniper in

jw
friends

so, here's the deal....i've spent the last two years riding the 'inactive' train and it's gone pretty smoothly.

but it's gotten to the point where i have to tell my folks that i don't intend to ever go back.

i've been putting it off because i know my dad will want to hear exactly why i want to do this, and then (obviously) try and 'reason' with me to think otherwise.. i love my family a lot, but i can't lie to them anymore and continue to blame my lack of meeting attendance on fabricated excuses.. i'm trying to find a way to just say that i don't want to do it anymore without having it turn into a theological argument.

Juniper

So, here's the deal....I've spent the last two years riding the 'inactive' train and it's gone pretty smoothly. But it's gotten to the point where I have to tell my folks that I don't intend to ever go back.

I've been putting it off because I know my dad will want to hear exactly why I want to do this, and then (obviously) try and 'reason' with me to think otherwise.

I love my family a lot, but I can't lie to them anymore and continue to blame my lack of meeting attendance on fabricated excuses.

I'm trying to find a way to just say that I don't want to do it anymore without having it turn into a theological argument. The truth of the matter is that I don't beleive in the religion or a lot of the ways that they control their members. The farther away I get from it, the more skeeved out I get when I think about it!

Anyone have any stories they could share with me, or perhaps some things they said to their families that helped? My biggest concern is to not let this turn in to a 'battle of words'.

Thanks for all your support! :)

67

anyone feeling a wee bit guilty about celebrating Thanksgiving and Xmas??

by Star Moore in

jw
friends

i was feeling a bit guilty about celebrating as this is my 1st year out and i know the history of all the holidays and birthdays are pagan or bloody or idolatrous.. .

but i was thinking that it's not what someone made them in the past but what they are right now.. to us, at this moment.

am i going to sit down on thanksgiving.. and say, "i hate those indians, think i'll go kill some"..????

Juniper

This is my first year and a half out, and by golly.....I'm gonna have a 'holly jolly'! :)

Happy Thanksgiving, all!!!!!

45

Why would this even cross my mind?!?!?!?!

by Juniper in

jw
friends

well, after 10 years of being together, hubby has decided that he's found his 'soul mate' (the second time this year, neither of which was me) and is moving out.. i'm thirty years old and no kids, thanks to the fact that i spent 12 years in full time service telling everyone it's better to wait until the 'new system' for raising a family.

that's all beside the point - and perhaps better suited for my counselor.

:) anyway, the thought that keeps going through my mind is "this never would have happened if i didn't leave" and "how am i going to find someone to spend my life with at this age and who will understand me the way an ex-jw can"???

Juniper

Wish I had some of that migraine medicine! Sounds like you're having fun with all your liberating bra burning and karaoke-singing! :)

Yeah..... I've only been out a year, guys. What's an apostafest????

51

WHY DOES GOD HATE ME?

by Mary in

jw
friends

do you ever feel like god really hates you?

when nothing ever works out for you?

when you're stupid enough to actually think that you might find happiness?

Juniper

I agree, not having the Sat morning group to look forward to is liberating, indeed. :)

Don't worry - god does most definitely not hate you. :)

Just think, how could someone so big create all this massive universe with us as little specks in it.......and then take the time to pick on one of us? Nah, shit just happens, m'dear .... we all get it from time to time and some of us more than others. I also have had more than my share and am quite perturbed by the whole thing!

That's ok. Although god didn't create your bad situation, he most certainly created alcohol! :) Enjoy his wonderful creation this evening, I'm headed out to do the same...

ps - he also created Fridays...