Why would this even cross my mind?!?!?!?!

by Juniper 45 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Juniper

  Well, after 10 years of being together, hubby has decided that he's found his 'soul mate' (the second time this year, neither of which was me) and is moving out.

  I'm thirty years old and no kids, thanks to the fact that I spent 12 years in full time service telling everyone it's better to wait until the 'new system' for raising a family. What a dope~!

  That's all beside the point - and perhaps better suited for my counselor. :) Anyway, the thought that keeps going through my mind is "this never would have happened if I didn't leave" and "how am I going to find someone to spend my life with at this age and who will understand me the way an ex-jw can"??? I was a liar every day of my life as a jw - I never really 'bought into it'.....and now here I am with my subconscious telling me to go back for support and to find a 'good guy'.

  What the hell is wrong with my brain?????? If anyone has any words of wisdom, advice, or plain comiseration, I'd sooo appreciate it!

  I'm just plain heartbroken and feel like I have no where to go. :(....
• 

  katiekitten

  Oh petal, im so sorry this has happened to you. He hasnt found his soul mate, his pants just think he has.

  As for you, I can understand your heartbreak, as I broke up from my husband when I was 30, after being married 10 years and a JW all my life. I was devastated (his soul mate lasted a few months).

  But im here to tell you the good news.

  1) 30 is young! Real young. I know loads of people who dont start any serious relationships until their 30's.

  2) There are some wonderful people out there who are fully able to empathise with an ex JW even if they dont fully understand it all (my partner for one, who can now make as astute comments about JWs as any ex JW could)

  3) There are some wonderful ex JW;s out there too who will completely understand you.

  4) I was suecidal when it happened to me - the police picked me out of a public telephone booth one night in my own vomit holding an empty litre of vodka. But now my life is better than it has ever been.

  You can survive.
  You will survive.
  One day life might be even better. It just doesnt feel like it right now.
• 

  sandy

  Breakups are horrible. I know . . . I'm sorry you are going through this.
• 

  cyrus

  hi there u poor thing.and as we say in the uk what a wanker ur hubby really is.Anyway what do u mean at ur age ur only thirty yo .my wife and i split two years ago.and since then i have worked in turkey and spain and nearly a year ago i met a 24 yold woman with 2 boys 5 and 7 who i love dearly and have great fun with .Im 39 y o .Its never too late to start again and ur never too old to find happiness .so stop feelings sorry 4 urself make new friends and find someone to have some fun with ,do a bit of auditioning find a man who will make ur toes curl in bed .someone who will make u laugh.And more importantly someone whos more interested in making u happy than meeting his hourly requirements preparing 4 meetings or anything else to do with jws .good luck too u .make it happen ..Cyrus
• 

  Sirona

  OMG this is the most FANTASTIC opportunity of your life!

  Believe me!

  I'm 31 nearly 6 months ago my husband left me. Before he left, with all the hurt and upset I hit absolute rock bottom. When he finally left, I just thought I'd try and manage.

  As it turned out, I actually managed far better than I'd originally thought. No kids, like you, and all of my life ahead of me. I thought of the potential. No more pain from him - he who put me down again and again and again. I didn't have to put up with it anymore. My self esteem was a little knocked, but underneath I knew that he was in the wrong.

  Later it turned out he'd had another woman since the beginning of the year. When I did finally discover this, I wasn't actually bothered!

  Now I've met the most amazing person ever who treats me like I've never been treated before. It wasn't planned, I'd actually vowed to myself to not get into a relationship too quickly, but to be honest it was so RIGHT and so fantastic that I wanted to pursue it. We aren't going at 100 miles an hour but we are totally in love.

  Even if you stay alone, you'll be fine. Just think - you are so young - you know who you are. You are strong because of the experience you've had in life. You are in a PERFECT position to have a great life from now on and any man who leaves you ISNT WORTH IT.

  Sirona
• 

  restrangled

  (((((Juniper))))))

  So sorry to hear this. On the other hand you are in your prime! Go for it, no kids, a chance to start over, do what ever you want to do! You have put in your time and now are old enough to know what you want and young enough to accomplish it.

  Relish in your freedom.

  r.
• 

  Warlock

  What the hell is wrong with my brain??????

  There is nothing wrong with your brain that isn't wrong with most of our brains here. We have "J.W. think" implanted in them and I understand your point about only being understood by an ex-J.W.

  Actually, I was thinking about that this morning. If I wasn't married, there would be no way I could marry anyone other than a real weak J.W., or an ex-J.W., so as you can see, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your brain.

  As to what you should do in your situation, I think you really need to take some time to think about that, once things become less emotional in your life and you see clearly what your situation is. Hope that helps.

  Warlock
• 

  kid-A

  This joker does'nt deserve you and the good news is, you got out of this while still young enough to start from scratch.

  I met my wife-to-be when I was 32 and we got married 2 1/2 years later. There are TONS of advantages to waiting until you are in your 30s to tie the knot!

  First, you have a much deeper understanding of who you are and what you want by the time you reach 30. As for me, I married a "worldly" girl who had

  never dealt with JWs before and it has been pure bliss not having to deal with emotional baggage and being able to live a normal, happy, "worldly" life! LOL.

  Now, get out there, play the field, have FUN and the rest will just fall into place, no doubt about it!
• 

  megsmomma

  There is soooooo much hope for you....your only an ol' biddy at 30 if youre a JW! And....think of the "good brothers" that are left for you to choose from at this point....**SHUDDER**....There are so many men out there that will love you and understand your past. I guess the one thing that is so different with dating in the real world though is that there are so many choices....and not everyone believes the same things....like robots. Have fun with it.....I was divorced from a JW at 24 and at 30 I remarried my best friend. We only knew eachother a year before we got married...but we really clicked. Good luck!!!!!!!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  30 is young! Real young.

  SO TRUE. Some people are never satisfied. Your husband is one of them. If he can't realize what he already had, you are better off that he left while you were still way under 85 years old. Pretty much, anyone that young can start anew as far as romance and love goes. It takes time, you will get there.

  My wife is a faithful JW. I love her so much. My awakening is putting a strain on our marriage, and I hope she doesn't turn on me.
  If she does, though, I will be depressed about it then move on eventually. No hurry. Cry all you need.