first of all, i'd like to sincerely thank all of you who responded to (and called me, and p/m'd me) about my recent thread (read: blind raging rant).. i've had more time to think about why i reacted, and felt, the way i did, and i've talked to my closest friends, and i chose to start this separate thread because what i felt has more to do with jw/exjw/christian upbringing than the particular circumstances in which my rage was induced.. simply: my rage was because a raw nerve had been touched, a nerve that i thought i had long since healed---the feeling that nothing i do is ever good enough!!.
i remember that feeling as a jw: now a publisher, but, that's not good enough...you must put in more time.
now a vacation pioneer, but, that's not good enough...you must now become a regular pioneer.
If you don't mind my asking: Is there someone close to you who can help you with this?
I come here a lot - and read a lot. My daughter is fading too. My non witness brother is very understanding and supportive. But other than that I have to admit life sucks
we were deprived of so much as jws.
service and meeting had to come first which meant putting a lot of interests on the side - waiting for the new world when of course we would be too busy trying to convert the resurrected.
i've tried many different things.
My husband and I would really really like to do a sprint triathlon tog - and then maybe .........
A few in our cong and roundabout had been training before I started fading. I have access to all the facilities nearby - its just a question of putting my mind to it and getting the fitness in. That would be such fun.
first of all, i'd like to sincerely thank all of you who responded to (and called me, and p/m'd me) about my recent thread (read: blind raging rant).. i've had more time to think about why i reacted, and felt, the way i did, and i've talked to my closest friends, and i chose to start this separate thread because what i felt has more to do with jw/exjw/christian upbringing than the particular circumstances in which my rage was induced.. simply: my rage was because a raw nerve had been touched, a nerve that i thought i had long since healed---the feeling that nothing i do is ever good enough!!.
i remember that feeling as a jw: now a publisher, but, that's not good enough...you must put in more time.
now a vacation pioneer, but, that's not good enough...you must now become a regular pioneer.
Can identify with your topic Onacruse.
In my situation - my hubby a very zealous elder - it seems to me that vibes and feelings of not measuring up and no being good enough are coming directly from him - but really they are there from my and his indoctrination. - so simple but so easy to forget. Need to keep reminding myself otherwise can see a huge wedge developing between us. Don't want to lose him to the wts.
thanks for drawing attention to this aspect.
bernadette
alright, i admit it.
i have been this close to posting a number of times.
i saw uuus2b1 post and the welcome he received and figured i'd post too.
Hi skeptic 1914
glad you've joined us. We have our ups and downs sarcasm and jokes wise like any big extended family.
welcome
bernadette
im making progress, as i have just cleared one more big step.
my plans are progressing.
d-day is coming.
good for you junctionguy
when my mom first came to live with me, i begrudged it.
i was angry.
i left home at age 14 and that was fine by me.
It is a very big thing your brother is doing and that is what he is compelled to do. Nothing but the very most is what he feels will satisfy him and so he must do it. See?
Sparky thanks for that insight.
In thinking about your situation and my situation, I have to say that I have always resented that my mum has taken over my brother's life - am very very close to my brother - and i hate that she is so dependent. But at the same time I can see he wouldn't have it any other way. So i have to let things be.
thats life i suppose
keep strong and courageous
love
bernadette
please join me in toasting our two friends, dedpoet and fullofdoubtnow who have just exchanged vows.
linda and trevor - we love you so much and know that your happiness will join you together for so many years to come.. congratulations!.
congratulations Linda and Trevor
when my mom first came to live with me, i begrudged it.
i was angry.
i left home at age 14 and that was fine by me.
(((((((((sparky)))))))
I'm really sorry about the distress you are experiencing.
My mum is very ill and dependent too at the moment. My brother has given up his job to look after her and is living on his savings. He does everything for her. I visit twice a week for emotional support for him. Like your brother he won't consider letting her go into a care home but unlike your brother insists on doing everything himself - he actively excludes all of us from hands on care. But he is becoming ill himself. I wish I could get through to him but have to accept what he wants - for now anyway.
Please don't allow yourself to go under - there is a point where one can lose track of what's really important in the long run and then everybody loses.
love
bernadette
many people don't know why they "feel" what they feel.
they fall in love with the wrong person.
they cry unexpectedly.
I'm cautiously finding it helpful to aim to balance my emotions. It seems to me that life in the wts and damaging upbringing unbalances us emotionally and then that has an impact on how we percieve and live life.
A marvellous tool for me is to take unavoidable destabilizing emotions into myself and watch it dilute itself in a huge sea of peaceful water.
Trying to push the emotion away or forget about it doesn't work for me becuase it always comes back when I least expect with damaging destructive outcomes. Mu emotions are so huge otherwise and they terrify me.
in one type of meditation the mind is able to be fully conscious without he intrusion of words, which lead to thoughts,.
trevor, i'm not trying to get on your ass here, but, please.... thoughts without words?
that is a fundamental epistemological impossibility...rather like farting without emitting gas.. or, perhaps, we're talking about a purely personal "mystical" experience, which cannot be put into (and did not spring from, nor finds any possible formulation within) words?
Glad you raised the topic onacruse - cos it seems to me that 'meditation' can take many forms when described in words but in experience it not like that - but it seems there are stages. But even the simplest most straightforward form it is beneficial.
