Posts by FreeChick

Thank you for your kind words. I've read many of your posts. I don't have children, and won't pretend to understand the pain you are going through, I do understand the pain from the other abuse.

I hope that over time your children will realize the truth in the situation and accept you back into their lives.

Take good care of yourself and feel free to PM me.

FreeChick

49

What is marital rape?

by Lady Lee in

i had never heard of this term until i was divorced for many years.

the term "marital rape" confused me as i am sure it confused others.. but i knew what it was.

i knew how it felt.

((LadyLee)) thank you for this post. I'm so sorry for the hurt you have experienced and am thankful that you can share it here so that other women in this situation know they aren't alone. If my mother were alive today, she would've written the exact same story. I've shared some of it with you in PM's.

From my personal experience, selfish men, like the ones you describe, hurt their entire family with this behavior. There is the direct abuse of the wife, but it causes peripheral abuse. The wife is put into a survival mode, which makes caring for children and her own basic needs more difficult, and, at times, impossible. I assumed the role of caretaker to my mother at a very early age, had to become independent and tough, handle very adult situations and responsibilities, had to protect her from my father, stand between them during arguments, force my father to leave the house when he was unreasonable. So many years of abuse broke her...her soul was shattered.

On one particularly intense middle of the night situation, I forced my father out of the house, and then told my mom she had to leave. We packed a suitcase and found a safe place for her to go. She never went back. I took care of her financially and in other ways. But, she never healed...she tried...she was a fighter. She was "marked" by the elders because she left...she lost her extended family, who she cared so deeply for.

She was an absolutely beautiful woman, so caring, nurturing, intelligent, and extremely creative. I'm so proud of her for finally standing up against the religion. We were able to share several holidays and birthdays before she passed and I finally shared my entire life with her without feeling any JW judgments.

While I miss her so intensely some days, I know that she is in a better place now. Because of my thoughts on life after death, I know that she has healed now and is traveling around seeing the world and enjoying her freedom.

There is never any excuse for this type of abuse, the abuser will make you think it is your fault and after years of hearing it's your fault, you start to believe it. It takes many more years to undo the hurt, once removed from the situation. Your one point, LadyLee,

We recognize that neglect is a form of abuse. We also recognize that the "silent treatment" is a form of emotional abuse. So it make s perfect sense to me that the withdrawal of attention, whether that is emotional, physical or sexual would be yet another form of abuse.

really hit me hard. This occurred in our family regularly. My father would, without warning, completely withdrawl. It would go on for 2-3 weeks at a time. I could handle everything else, but to this day, this was the most hurtful...deeply hurtful. We would know when he was ready to start talking again, usually by some small present appearing. I hated those presents...they marked one cycle of silence ending...the next one to start again at anyone's guess. It was such controlling, passive/aggressive behavior. We were forced to always try to be perfect so as not to upset dad. It didn't matter.

Thank you mom, for doing the best you could. For the beautifully detailed clothes you made for my dolls; teaching me to read, write, and do math even before starting school; teaching me to sew, cook, crochet; opening a savings account at age 4 to give me responsible spending habits; all the late nights on the phone. Thank you for helping me build my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-love so that I can avoid the same family situation; for showing me the importance of taking care of my needs. I love and understand you more and more everyday. I know why you held on to me so tightly...I was the only positive in your life. Thank you for feeling that way toward me.

My heart goes out to those who suffer from this same pain. Please do whatever you need to start healing, to start living a fun, fulfilled life.

FreeChick

80

WHO'S 40 OR NEARLY 40!!!!!

by bubble in

jw
friends

hi everybody and happy new year.

2007 is the year i turn 40, in fact in exactly one month's time to be precise.. i've noted that a lot of people on jwd are a similar age to me.

i think it's because it takes us this long to pluck up the courage to finally leave the borg.. i need to know how turning 40 makes you feel.

FreeChick

Belated Happy Birthday, AnnOMaly!

27

HEMP LOVER IS 40 TODAY!!

by bubble in

jw
friends

hi hempy, how are you doing?

pop in and let us know.. happy birthday to you.

happy birthday to you.

FreeChick

Happy Birthday, Hemp Lover!

53

SIMON IS 40 TODAY!!!

by bubble in

jw
friends

so simon, how are you?

have you launched into a mid life crisis or are you celebrating in style?.

hope you have a great day and ..... happy birthday to you.

FreeChick

Happy Birthday, Simon

41

Soulmates do you believe in them

by fifi40 in

jw
friends

do you believe in love at first sight?

do you believe that we have a soulmate?

has any one ever experienced either of them

FreeChick

CBB wrote:

What's sad is when you know you have found someone you could be happy with, but can't because of something stupid. (At least I think so)

That's for sure!

Anyway, I don't believe in love at first sight or one soulmate. There are many people who we may be compatible with.

FreeChick

138

What do women REALLY want?

by Abandoned in

ok, i've heard it all: sincerity, honesty, security, money, love, romance, flowers, poems, promises, and more.

but, in my arguably limited experience, i've been shot down while doing all of these (at differnt times obviously).

so, what do women really want?

FreeChick

hmmm....I'm shortening my list from the one I wrote above to just one thing....

HONESTY

Guys...know what you want, need and can give in a relationship be true to those things...don't tell us something else.

138

What do women REALLY want?

by Abandoned in

ok, i've heard it all: sincerity, honesty, security, money, love, romance, flowers, poems, promises, and more.

but, in my arguably limited experience, i've been shot down while doing all of these (at differnt times obviously).

so, what do women really want?

FreeChick

J-ex-W says:

I learned early on, post-divorce that there are plenty of men out there who will put forth that effort/ financial investment into a hopeful prospect, even when the woman is straight forward about there being no prospects (still hoping that something down the line will change). I have more compassion than that, than to allow a man to give and give into a situation that I know to be a black hole (reaching no point of capitulation on my part).
As for the men misrepresenting themselves...yeah...experienced that one, too. Broke my heart. Let him go. I need a man with integrity, not someone who fakes it.

I agree with you on both of these points. Sometimes it takes several "no's" for a man to realize he doesn't have a chance. I've gotten a lot of respect back from them though...you know for not accepting those vacations, gifts, etc.

Men who misrepresent themselves...the game players, well, they suck.

138

What do women REALLY want?

by Abandoned in

ok, i've heard it all: sincerity, honesty, security, money, love, romance, flowers, poems, promises, and more.

but, in my arguably limited experience, i've been shot down while doing all of these (at differnt times obviously).

so, what do women really want?

FreeChick

I don't need a man to make be feel happy, fulfilled or have money (well, he does need a job)....got all that.

They do need to possess self-respect, self-confidence, self-love...be spiritual (know why you are here...have a purpose).

I want a man who isn't afraid to communicate and show his feelings.

Be able to laugh, laugh and laugh some more.

Be intellectual...nothing more boring than a guy who doesn't use his brain.

Have the backbone to take the lead and know when to step-aside...know I will still respect him even when he doesn't have all the answers and we have to take the lead together.

Not get scared when I say what I want/need...because I don't expect men to guess what those things are and don't think less of you for not knowing. Respect the fact that I am able to communicate my needs and will listen to yours.

Be honest with yourself and me...don't play games with my feelings or my heart. Don't say you love me one day and be confused about the relationship the next.

Don't say you love me until you are ready to work out potential relationship issues.

Prove that it's okay to feel secure and trust you...that you will be my confidante and I yours.

Please respect our intimacy...oh right, if we have all of the above, be ready for lots of intimacy.

FreeChick...of the Live, Love, Laugh Club