What a terrible situation!! I can absolutely identify with it though. My mother has lived with my abusive father for over 35 years although sometimes can be really good, the times that are bad are unbelievably horrible from smashed teeth to name calling to just about anything you can imagine. I wish I could give you some magic answer that would free her of this monster but unfortunately there is not one. Just love her and support her but be certain that she knows where you stand as far as your feelings on him and his treatment of her. Talk to her about the safety of her child and make sure she understands that it is her sole responsibility to protect this child and give it a secure a secure and happy childhood. 29 years old is so young to be dealing with such a problem. Drugs can grip a person so tight that they really have no conception of the pain they are inflicting on the rest of us. My brother was a crack addict for years and it seemed liked everything he touched turned to shit. (excuse my language , but there is no nice way to say it) He has ran up bills, all but deserted his children, and isolated himself from anyone who really ever cared. I guess the bottom line is there is no help for someone refusing to help themself. This goes for her as well as her heroin addicted boyfriend. I know this wasn't much for advice but I know how you feel - helpless. Give her a good tight squeeze and just be there for her until she can see he is not worth it.
WANTMOMBACK
JoinedPosts by WANTMOMBACK
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10
What can you do with a heroin addict?
by katiekitten inor more to the point, what can you do with your cousin who is in love with a heroin addict, lives with him, has a child to him, is regularly beaten by him to the point that she went into a womens refuge last year, and supports him with all her income because she is the breadwinner.. sigh.. i just got in touch with my cousins again after several years, and i find out my beautiful cousin has been brutalised by this fuckwit for years.
but until she is ready to see hes ruining her life nobody can do anything to help her.. the whole family has given up on saying anything because she always goes back to him.
she loves him.
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24
I can't be proud of my kids!
by WANTMOMBACK intoday i went to my daughter's school and they sang "america the beautiful" and i videoed her.
i do have a question though!!
how do most people explain to their children about why grandma and grandpa never come to their birthday party or any holiday function?
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WANTMOMBACK
When I was registering I put that for the reason that I was worried my sister would find this. That's all!! But I can understand the confusion!! LOL
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24
I can't be proud of my kids!
by WANTMOMBACK intoday i went to my daughter's school and they sang "america the beautiful" and i videoed her.
i do have a question though!!
how do most people explain to their children about why grandma and grandpa never come to their birthday party or any holiday function?
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WANTMOMBACK
Thanks for the advice I just really am at a loss for now. My mom was such a fun and non-judgmental person before she got reinstated and now that has all changed drastically!! MY kids adore my mother but they are still very young so I guess time will tell. I know it may sound silly or perhaps even selfish but I do want my mom back!! And when I am with her I don't want to hear about how great the assembly was or what a wonderful talk they gave at the hall or she has to go study because some stupid something or other. Sorry but this is the only place I can really go to rage about this! I know they don't celebrate any holidays and they make damn sure that we don't enjoy the ones that we celebrate!! but they do enjoy having baby showers and anniversary parties and weddings. I know these have pagan origins too ( well I think I know) Seems like she has one to go to every other day!!! I always feel like these people mean so much more to her than her real family. She always says what good hearted people they are and they are so kind and giving and blah,blah,blah....
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I can't be proud of my kids!
by WANTMOMBACK intoday i went to my daughter's school and they sang "america the beautiful" and i videoed her.
i do have a question though!!
how do most people explain to their children about why grandma and grandpa never come to their birthday party or any holiday function?
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WANTMOMBACK
Today I went to my daughter's school and they sang "America the beautiful" and I videoed her (like most good parents would do) In the meantime my mother was watching my other child and when I got home I really wanted to share this video with her but I couldn't because I would get the same evil eye that I have come to know so well. I wish things could be normal like most families. I never get to share any joy with her. Except the day they were born. After that it is all pretty much doom and gloom.
I do have a question though!! How do most people explain to their children about why grandma and grandpa never come to their birthday party or any holiday function? The older my kids get the harder is it to avoid this question.My mom does tell my kids that Jehovah wouldn't approe of this and Jehovah wouldn't like that and my daughter is like "Who is Jehovah?" Although she has a mild understanding now. I'm not sure I want her to fully understand. My mom wants me to read her The My Book of Bible Stories but I don't think my husband would be very happy about it. I just don't know what to do. I can't teach my kids anything because I don't really have any knowledge about religion. Any advice would be appreciated
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Hello! My mom is aJW and I have lots of questions!
by WANTMOMBACK inmy mom has been a jw for most of her life.
she was df in 1989 for having an affair.
our lives(me and my borthers and sister) became unbearable because she didn't leave my abusive father.
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WANTMOMBACK
wow that is funny you say that because I always get the feeling that my mom wishes(secretly) that something would happen to us so we would make it through. I have tried every angle with my mom but I can't make any progress. My life has been so screwed up I have seen my dad beat the living s$%t out of my mother and one of my siblings and then deny doing it and she will also deny he did it until the time comes when she is angry with him and then she doesn't minimize it anymore but as soon as everything is OK again then she goes back to the land of denial. I don't know how someone so pious and devoted to her religion can overlook some of the things that she does. for instance my dad's gambling(he is not a JW) his degrading attitude and the beating of his children. I can't understand why she won't leave and when I ask she says because he hasn't given me reason!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! She misses meetings only for things she deems necessary. Such as vacation or dinner with people she hasn't seen in awhile or out of town company. OK OK I am rambling again Sorry!!!!
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Hello! My mom is aJW and I have lots of questions!
by WANTMOMBACK inmy mom has been a jw for most of her life.
she was df in 1989 for having an affair.
our lives(me and my borthers and sister) became unbearable because she didn't leave my abusive father.
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WANTMOMBACK
thank you so much for all the advice. I will see what I can do.. I have a feeling nothing will work she will say that I am an apostate and that will be the end of it. She is absolutley consumed with this. Every free moment she has is dedicated to underlining and reading and finding other people to read it(the watchtower) to . I wish I could her but I truly don't think I can and the sad part is I think the only reason she went back to be reinstated is so she could talk to my aunts! Now everything from music to magazines to just about anything you can think of she says has some sort of demonic link to it. She didn't want me to buy something at a yard sale because she said the people who owned it may be into demonized music or rituals or whatever. I can't take the crazy anymore
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Hello! My mom is aJW and I have lots of questions!
by WANTMOMBACK inmy mom has been a jw for most of her life.
she was df in 1989 for having an affair.
our lives(me and my borthers and sister) became unbearable because she didn't leave my abusive father.
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WANTMOMBACK
Hello Anitar!! To answer your questions No I don't live with my mom, I can very rarely speak to her without her quoting scriptures and telling me the end is near. But I only live 1 1/2 miles from her. I love her very much. I just wish she could see what I do and she wishes the same about me!
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My heart hurt today at all the wasted years in the ORG.
by purplesofa init was on the history of the morman religion.
one of the docs i work for is morman.
i always try to find something to chitchat with the docs with, so i asked him about his religion.
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WANTMOMBACK
i'm so sorry you are having a bad day. I am not and have never been a JW but my mother and her whole family are JW's. It is a very confusing and scary to me. I have absolutely no understanding so maybe you can explain some of it to me. I know you must feel very alone. My mom was DF in 1989 and reinstated in 1998 what a lonely , isolated time for her. She would see her own sisters and they would not speak to her but instead walk by her as if she were a stranger. Just wanted you to know you have a friend.
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there is more to my story...
by WANTMOMBACK ini started yesterday about my mom being a jw and my being so confused about, well, just about everything.
like i said earlier my parents got divorced and then remarried.
my dad goes to the meetings sometimes when he is not out gambling or making someone miserable with his hateful demeanor.
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WANTMOMBACK
I started yesterday about my mom being a JW and my being so confused about, well, just about everything. Like I said earlier my parents got divorced and then remarried. My dad goes to the meetings sometimes when he is not out gambling or making someone miserable with his hateful demeanor. My parents are NEVER affectionate toward each other but never want to be apart. I believe my mom stays for the money, my dad is very wealthy. My mom has always been in the truth, and when my siblings and I were younger she wanted us to be. She never really taught us anything about it-There was always just this feeling like we SHOULD go and do everything according to them. I celebrate holidays with my family( I am married and have 2 children) and so do my siblings but there is very rarely any joy to it because my mom always uses it as an opp. to tell me I am going to die a horrible death and I will also be responsible for the agonizing, scary death of my children. I am so conflicted in most things e.g. I cannot bring myself to sing happy birthday, I cannot bring myself to sing the National anthem( this was very hard on me esp. in the days after 9/11) at Christmas time my husband is usually upset with me because he says I don't let my kids enjoy the traditional things. I remember one time when I told my child there was no such thing as the tooth fairy he was so angry!! I have so much confusion in my life I just don't know where to turn. I always feel guilt and then it turns into hostility toward my mom and she tells me she and other JW's are used to persecution and then she says it will only get worse. I love my mom so seperating myself from her is not an option but I really feel like I need a better understanding of what is going on in her head. Her family is very involved in this religion and everything they do is pretty much centered around it. My husband has absolutely no understanding of any of this and I can't help him because neither do I. My mom never has a straight answer for me. If I ask her any questions she says let me get someone to answer that for you. And I feel like saying you have based your entire life on this and you don't know the answers!! But I can't because she would shut me out and if I ever told her I was on this site she would say you are all a bunch of apostates and I should not be speaking to you. There are so many nights that I lie awake and think am I endangering my children? Is she right? I have never told her that I don't believe in her beliefs but I have never told her I do either. She always gets angry or cries when we celebrate anything!!! and she is very secretive like she doesn't want anyone to know her business. If something happens she says well I hope so and so doesn't tell everyone. OK enough for now!!! I just need someone to talk to and help me. I feel so conflicted inside and when I tell her that she says it is because I know I am not living right and I need to come to the KH hall with her. I have been and I really don't like it there. See I feel guilty saying that right now! Thanks for taking the time to read this. There is moreso if anyone wants to hear it let me know please!
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18
Hello! My mom is aJW and I have lots of questions!
by WANTMOMBACK inmy mom has been a jw for most of her life.
she was df in 1989 for having an affair.
our lives(me and my borthers and sister) became unbearable because she didn't leave my abusive father.
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WANTMOMBACK
My mom has been a JW for most of her life. she was DF in 1989 for having an affair. Our lives(me and my borthers and sister) became unbearable because she didn't leave my abusive father. She is still with him. They divorced, this was the reason for the DF, and she continued to live with him. So my aunt went to the elders and told them and they had a meeting and then nobody could speak to my mother. Her family anyway(brothers,sisters,friends) She still had us and she lived a happy life even celebrated a few holidays with us even though you could tell she didn't feel comfortable about it.Anyway my dad asked my mom to remarry him in 1998 and she started studying again with her sisters she would attend the KH and nobody would speak to her. Her sisters were there but they couldn't talk to her. I find this very odd! Then on the day she got reinstated they all came and hugged and kissed her like something had changed. Now my mom spends most her time reading her literature or trying to tell us what she has learned. The problem is she is always insinuating that I don't love my children because we celebrate birthdays, Christmas and so forth. She says that I am risking their very lives by doing this. by the way noone else in my family is JW. I love her very much but I feel like there is always a wall between us. I wish my mom would be like she used too. She seems certain of her everlasting life but she really does not seem to be enjoying this one. Just some thoughts on any of these topics would be helpful. Thanks