(((purps)))
Being down sucks, but I love your poem. To me, the most beautiful poetry is that charged with emotion and born from anxiety or conflict. Love poetry is sweet too, but for some reason, those types of poems don't make me think as much.
I think what you're going through is normal. You are in a situation that you know is dysfunctional yet you can't see what lies outside the gates yet. You've been taught that your intuition, heart, desires, and such are untrustworthy and that you shouldn't think for yourself. Of course you're going to second guess yourself, but you also can draw on the confidence that people that love you have been where you are and taken that step and prospered.
There is life outside of the jw. For me it was the quiet resignation that I was going to be destroyed soon, but then I found this site and I discovered others how not only understood my feelings but went through the same or something similar. I wasn't alone. I could finally reach out to people who knew how to hold me up because they themselves were held up before me. I made it home.
You can do it too. That's a beautiful poem and while I may lack the eloquence to say exaclty what I want to say right now, I have full confidence that you can stand up to what's held you back and discover a life that will knock your socks off. I belive that about each of us.