Posts by Cindi

23

To those still "active", what makes you keep going to meetings?

by Cindi_67 in

i've been reading a lot of posts and a lot of you here on the board, are "active" members, attend all meetings and conventions, go out in field service, even help with quick builds.

i don't want this to sound like i am disrespecting anybody, but what makes you lead a double life?

doesn't anybody at the hall notice your lack of interest?

Cindi_67

I am no longer, but for a long time I kept active for a sense of community. I did not have a support system set up yet and didn't know what to do with myself. This was all I had known since I was a baby! I married a man that was not a JW and I do believe I was drawn to him for a reason. He has been my main support through the past few years. Now I am comfortable researching and reading materials to find out what I believe. I am, for the first time in my life, a spiritual person. Before I just went with the flow to avoid trouble from parents and congregation. Know what I mean?

I definitely know what you mean. You and I are in very similar situations. I just can't break my mother's heart by totally dissasociating. She'll bring me the magazines, and every now and then will go to Sunday meetings with her. In fact it's only been twice in more than a year. But I just stopped going. I told her, I need to make sure I am really doing it for love of God, and not just for appearances. I think she is OK with that.

My spouse does not want to leave (but spouse doesn't like meetings either). At this point, we are still doing the meeting thing to keep the parents happy. Sad and pathetic, I know.

I don't consider it sad and pathetic. I totally understand. My mom is 74 years old, I keep her hopes up by accepting the literature she brings, I glance over a few articles, so when she refers to them, I'll have something to say so she feels good, thinking I read them. But my feelings and my mood are written in my face and when I go to the meetings, if I'm bored I get in a bad mood, and everyone can tell, same as when I don't agree with something. I just pick up my stuff and go home before the meeting's over. So one way or the other, it doesn't reflect good on my children, they can tell when you don't really want to be there either.

23

To those still "active", what makes you keep going to meetings?

by Cindi_67 in

i've been reading a lot of posts and a lot of you here on the board, are "active" members, attend all meetings and conventions, go out in field service, even help with quick builds.

i don't want this to sound like i am disrespecting anybody, but what makes you lead a double life?

doesn't anybody at the hall notice your lack of interest?

Cindi_67

I've been reading a lot of posts and a lot of you here on the board, are "active" members, attend all meetings and conventions, go out in field service, even help with quick builds. I don't want this to sound like I am disrespecting anybody, but what makes you lead a double life? Doesn't anybody at the hall notice your lack of interest?

I ask because I had a hard time being active, but at the same time, feeling like I didn't want to be there anymore. I couldn't take it. I couldn't get to the KH and wanting it to be over already.

My purpose is to actually find out what goes through your mind, and how easy it is to keep pretending to be someone you are not, if at all easy. I am trying to see others point of view. Do you keep meeting because maybe your gut tells you this might be the true religion after all?

24

Are you automatically disfellowshipped if you join the Military?

by pratt1 in

does anyone know?

Cindi_67

Yes. It is an automatic disassociation, not disfellowship. It is an action they consider automatic rejection from being a Witness and they used to anounce it as "so and so has disassociated from the Org."

33

Did You Stay In Because of the Fear?

by serotonin_wraith in

growing up amongst jws, i saw the core beliefs as a threat.

be a jw, or die horribly.

but no one i knew ever admitted this, it was all about 'loving jehovah'.

Cindi_67

It was because of fear. I've always had Armageddon in my mind. Will go to meetings becauseof fear, will go out in service because of fear. But I sat down to think, "Do I love Jehovah with all my heart, mind and soul?" Not to JW's standards. To me wake up and go out in field service was a burden, to prepare for a 3 day convention a burden, to have to prepare for all 5 meetings, etc. If you don't do those things out of love for Jehovah, but for fear of him destroying you, then it is not love, but fear.

Do I love God? In my own way, I do. I still like to hear about spiritual things. Do I love him, to the point of making every little sacrifice there is to make? According to what JW's will think, NO. I fear him more than I love him. And that's not a healthy relationship not in human standards and certainly not in religious standards either.

15

Surprise Question at the 'Shop'

by bigmouth in

visiting my sons workplace yesterday and a colleague of his calls me over.

"tell me what you know about jehovahs witnesses" he says.

where did that come from i wondered.

Cindi_67

I have suffered depression for years and ithink alot of it is caused because you can never do enough or be good enough. If you're spending 12hrs in field service why not arrange your employment so you can pioneer etc.
On the other hand you are taught that Jehovah knows what we are capable of and even if it isn't much, it is acceptable to Him.
The struggle between these 2 lines of reasoning can make anybody feel depressed and worthless!

Those are the exact lines that started to get me depressed too. Wow, there we go again with the depression. I really never realized how many JW's were or are under medication. But the not doing enough is the real reason why some of them are depressed. I was, but not anymore. And I feel great, WITHOUT MEDICATION.

40

Pioneer Sister tells my Wife If your Raped just pray to Jehovah for help??

by Witness 007 in

while being new in the truth my wife dicussed the rape issue with her pioneer {my mums annionted} teacher.

her response was to say if your raped you need to pray to jehovah for help and just yell for him to stop so it's not considered fornication.

i was shocked at this so i found her an awake article about a sister who was assulted by a tradesmen in her home.

Cindi_67

So if a rapist comes in to my home, where my 3 kids are sleeping, armed with a gun pointed at my head and tells me that if I scream he will kill me and my children after me, I still have to scream so they wake up, see him on top of me, raping me and maybe see him shoot me to death, I'll be disfellowshipped because I chose not to scream for my kids sake? And all I have to do is pray so Jehovah will "probably" make him get off me? Oh, and I have to treat him with respect and not fight to the point of biting his ba_ _s off, (pardon my french), so I would not be considered a fornicator?

Can somebody tell me what's wrong with this picture? And since when this is a passionate action in the part of the assailant? Isn't rape an act of cowardness and power, not an action taken because he is just horny and wants to have sex?

Yeap, it's things like these that make me revise my thoughts when I feel guilty for not going to the meetings anymore.

30

There is so much pain...

by justhuman in

i don't know why things in life happened...i don't know why i was born in the most destructive cults ever existed.

my childhood was so miserable...is not nice to see the other kids at your age celebrating xmas and birthdays and other holidays.

my whole world was somewhere between kindom hall and field service with my pioneers parents.. i hardly finished high school because i was supposed to live in the generation that by no means will pass way.

Cindi_67

Are your kids close to you? They should be your first priority. I know family ties and how some cultures work can be a very difficult thing to change. I come from a culture where family gatherings are very important, and when the entire family are JW's and one chooses not to, that can be very painful. I am not judging you there, and certainly can't tell you to change the way you feel and were raised. However you can steer your boat towards developing a good relationship with your kids, which is more important now than the ties with your other family members. Of course, we can talk and talk, but we don't know everything that's going on in your life and what kind of relationship you have with your ex. That is something you need to work on, so you can stay close to your children. Her disposition in having you close to the children is what will make the difference. If she is willing to work it out with you, then you have won half the fight. The rest is up to you.

Is that something you might want to try?

30

There is so much pain...

by justhuman in

i don't know why things in life happened...i don't know why i was born in the most destructive cults ever existed.

my childhood was so miserable...is not nice to see the other kids at your age celebrating xmas and birthdays and other holidays.

my whole world was somewhere between kindom hall and field service with my pioneers parents.. i hardly finished high school because i was supposed to live in the generation that by no means will pass way.

Cindi_67

hardly finished high school because I was supposed to live in the generation that by no means will pass way. It was the famous generation of 1914 and it was the year 1984, and I was only 17 at that time. So i spend my best years of my life pioneering the false gospel of the WT. I got married just before the ''new light" came out

Can anyone bring back my lost years of childhood, or the years that I spend knocking doors to spread the "gospel".

justhuman:

Sorry to tell you no one can bring back those lost years. Only you can start making up for lost time. I am from your generation and went through the same thing you did, pioneered for about a year after I graduated from high school and took some lame one year course in a technical institute to say I studied something, which didn't help one bit. I can't say my life now is bad, I am married with three kids, have a decent home, but like a lot of people are struggling to make ends meet, just because neither of us had a college degree. My husband never got baptized but grew up in the "truth" and followed the same rules. Now we are beating ourselves up because we didn't finish or started college in my case, thinking there was no need, we wouldn't finish college, the end was too near. 20 years have passed and we could've at least had a 4 year degree in something, and might be in a better financial situation. But all I can say is hang in there, it is difficult to go back to college with such a busy agenda, but if you find the time someday, go back to school, finish what you started and become whatever you want to be. If that is not a choice now, because of the circumstances, then fight at least to have a good relationship with your kids, show them you loved them even if you are distant from them, when they grow up, even if they don't understand it now, they will appreciate that at least you were there for them or tried. Bad experiences with religions are one of the hardest to shake up, especially because they are supposed to be the ones to be there for you, when they are not you feel cheated. But don't be, man made rules are the ones to blame, not God, and I guess that is what we faced with all these so called "suggestion" on why we shouldn't be going to college, etc.

Keep in touch.

16

Went to the grocery store and...

by Cindi_67 in

jw
friends

i went to the grocery store on sunday and there was a lady in front of us paying for her purchase.

i believe she was a witness because the clerk asked if she had a good thanksgiving and she said " oh, i don't celebrate thanksgiving, but had a nice day off.

i just needed to tell somebody..

Cindi_67

She should've just said: "Oh, I had a nice day off, thank you" or something like that. It sounded very self righteous. For the first time, I felt very good about not telling anybody I am part of them.

16

Went to the grocery store and...

by Cindi_67 in

jw
friends

i went to the grocery store on sunday and there was a lady in front of us paying for her purchase.

i believe she was a witness because the clerk asked if she had a good thanksgiving and she said " oh, i don't celebrate thanksgiving, but had a nice day off.

i just needed to tell somebody..

Cindi_67

I went to the grocery store on Sunday and there was a lady in front of us paying for her purchase. I believe she was a Witness because the clerk asked if she had a good Thanksgiving and she said " Oh, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but had a nice day off." I felt horrible for the clerk, she looked like, "Geez, what did I say". What is the point anyway? Why do they need to even say they don't celebrate the holiday? She could've just said, Oh I had a nice day off, and go about her business. Isn't that stupid though? I don't know if it's me, because I can care less, but even if I was a JW in good standing, I would've not said that. Some can be so duuuhhh. Now when people tell me, happy whatever, I say thank you, you too.

I just needed to tell somebody.

Cindi_67

Posts by Cindi_67