Gayle, Barb Anderson had one when Jaracz had a stroke that smoked this one.
Paul, when your faith is shattered like a pane of glass, one has two options, to try to fix the original pane of glass like a puzzle, or simply, to get a new piece of glass, a new window to which you can look at life out of.
I don't know how old you are, but I think anyone in their 20's, a young adult, has to go through some sifting of beliefs at some point. We all wish the world was what we thought it to be in those heady days when we could do no wrong, and the institutions we put our trust in was 100% reliable.
Preparing yourself for this is part of maturing and growing up. Some people start this in their 40's or 50's.
One of the biggest permissions we all as former JW's must give ourselves is the permission to find our own truth. I understand that goes against GB doctrine. I understand we were taught that was pride, the sin of the devil. As if God gave us a brain and a heart, and wants us to turn off our brain.
I am not saying that your answers will be my answers, or that one permanent truth exists. But your truth about God and how that informs you about the world and how to treat people only need to be good enough for you.
I would say the first thing God wants you to do is to get to know and love yourself. It's hard to be useful to anyone else if you don't know yourself and aren't honest with yourself. And I am not talking about those occasional bouts of irrational, emotional thoughts we are all prone to. I am talking about that side of you that is well reasoned, just waiting for you to discover him.