Read all of this. I don't have a whole lot I want to share indelibly on the internet, but suffice to say, the GB's attempt at controlling sexuality at all levels has been one of the most offensive things about the cult to me. As an elder appointed at 26, I had to listen to stuff that frankly, was none of my damn business. But it was YHWH's, so, there ya go.
I mean, have you met the Governing Body? Have you ever wondered why they don't have kids? It ain't that difficult to figure folks... These guys are real Richards.... but I digress.
In all seriousness, my heart breaks that such a sensitive and private part of a person must be introduced to an invisible "god" that only exists in your mind. And who will kill you, or reprove you, or whatever, over how you use your genitalia. Good luck getting over that without therapy.... Meaning, get some help. It'll be good for you. :)