Posts by Eliveleth

19

What do I tell the kids?

by strawberry cake in

i am quickly fading, desperate to leave.

my children, however have been brought up jws and are used to the jw way of life and ethos.

i have told them how i feel.

Eliveleth

TJ: And you know what? Our kids are HAPPY, they are having FUN, they LOVE their new life, and they DON'T MISS THE MEETINGS.
Just let your kids be kids... let them live a "normal" life, be an active and concerned parent, but not a domineering controlling JW one.
You won't have to "prove" your stand to them. They'll see how much better it is, all on their own.

Momzcrazy: I recently faded with my 3 kids. Your 20 yr old I don't know about. But you could try with your other two: Let them slowly do more things at school. Clubs, sports, newspaper, etc. Gradually start allowing worldly friends. Do things as a family away from the truth. Go to concerts, plays, anything like that. Then slowly start tapering off service. Then meetings. Then parts and talks. Plan fun activites with maybe some neighbor friends on Sunday morning after you have started fading. I stressed to my kids how Jehovah gave us a mind to make decisions with and the Bible to guide us. But in the org. we aren't allowed to do so. I wanted us to make decisions as a family. I pointed out that all their worldly friends were going to die according to the truth. I asked them to find in the Bible where it says that they are wicked. Replace what they are losing by leaving.

From my experience, TJ and Momz have discovered the right idea. Children are very smart. I think most parents try to control their thinking too much (at least I was guilty of that as a JW)

When we tell them how we feel and then let them decide they are better off and they are more likely to come to you for advice when they need it. After children reach a certain age, they are going to do what they want to. It will either be with your knowledge or behind your back. They want your trust and if you show you trust them they are most likely to participate. When we left the WT, I learned to let my kids make their own decisions. They did not always make the right ones (the ones I would have liked) but they learned from their mistakes. (They were teens what can I say).

I just learned to give them to God. Since I could not protect them, I knew He could. The youngest is now almost 40 and even though they are not all living the way I would, they are happy and we have a good relationship.

Love and hugs,

Gramma Velta

39

I'm scared everyday...

by 4mylove in

i'm scared everyday that i will lose my husband to this cult.. i'm scared everyday that i will offend my dear friend because of my bitterness with this cult.. i'm scared everyday that my husband will choose to go back to studying and become active again.. i'm scared everyday that my life will crumble after working so hard to build the wonderful relationship that i have.. i'm scared everyday that his family will eventually say that they cannot associate with him anymore unless he goes back.. i'm scared everyday he'll choose.

i'm scared everyday that i'll never have a family of my own because of this stupid cult.

i won't bring innocent lives into this shit.. i'm scared everyday that i'll give up.. i'm scared evertday that he'll be gone.. i'm scared they will convince him.

Eliveleth

still_in74, freeme, 4mylove,

When you allow the WT to determine how you will live your life, they still control you. You should do what you want to do. If you desire to have children, then do so. Do not allow the fact that your spouse is in the WT to determine this. IMHO the WT has nothing to do with our relationship with God. Whether you are a JW or not, I believe that God is in control and your child will not be harmed by being in the WT or out of it. I believe that God reads the heart and all JWs who love Him will be saved. If your spouse has a good heart (of course you cannot read it, but you can see the fruits of who he/she is) then your children will be OK. Do not let the WT lead your life for you. Love yourself, Love God and trust Him.

There are so many people who love you; who will love you unconditionally. Do not fear what the WT can do. They are powerless if you stand up for yourself.

Love and hugs,

Gramma Velta

31

Hello

by letsgetout in

jw
friends

hi everyone, i have been a longtime lurker to this website, but i have never posted.

so here is a little bit about myself:

i was raised a jw, got baptized at 13, became a regular pioneering right out of high school, i was used extensively at the hall and on assemblies, came from a nice jw background.

Eliveleth

Hi letsgetout,

Welcome!!! Most everyone here understands what you are going through. We are with you 100%. There is life outside the organization and

we are the proof.

Here is our website: www.geocities.com/veliveleth

Love and hugs,

Gramma Velta

68

I Got The Job

by Abandoned in

jw
friends

i go in monday at 10:00 am to work out the details and total number of hours and such.

Eliveleth

Abandoned,

Wonderful!!! Hope it turns out to be your "dream job" or maybe just what you need in the interim.

Love and hugs,

Gramma Velta

176

You Who Have Been on the Board For Awhile - What Are your Concerns ?

by flipper in

jw
friends

well, it's late.

i need to go to sleep, got home from work, but i thought i started a newbie thread why not a thread for those who have been on the board a long time , or for awhile now ?

so, lay it on me, what are your concerns for jwd ?

Eliveleth

Grace,

You are so sweet. I hope you do not leave. I know we can always count on you to love and encourage us. Heck, if old was a problem, I wouldn't be here.

We just want to be able to see your smiling face and to feel your love.

Please don't leave us

Love and hugs,

Velta

176

You Who Have Been on the Board For Awhile - What Are your Concerns ?

by flipper in

jw
friends

well, it's late.

i need to go to sleep, got home from work, but i thought i started a newbie thread why not a thread for those who have been on the board a long time , or for awhile now ?

so, lay it on me, what are your concerns for jwd ?

Eliveleth

Ian,

The main reason I stayed here so long was to help others, but now there are others who are doing an excellent job of that. If it wasn't for the vigil threads I doubt I'd even be visiting as much as I do.

Your strength and courage and all you have endured over the months,years have been an inspiration to me. I think that you may have been posting mostly when I had taken a leave of absense from JWD. I mostly just lurked when I first found JWD. But I remember your maturity and kindness. I understand that you may want to move on. Sometimes, as you said, we just see the same things over and over and we just stay to help others. You are right. The questions and answers will always be new to the new ones coming out of the organization. This is why I stay. I want to encourage those who have been through so much hell. I want to show them love and that there are people out there who will accept them for who they are and not what they believe. Whatevery your decision I hope that you will keep in touch and let us know how you are and what is happening in your life.

With much love,

Velta

176

You Who Have Been on the Board For Awhile - What Are your Concerns ?

by flipper in

jw
friends

well, it's late.

i need to go to sleep, got home from work, but i thought i started a newbie thread why not a thread for those who have been on the board a long time , or for awhile now ?

so, lay it on me, what are your concerns for jwd ?

Eliveleth

AK - Jeff said:
I believe that part of what has happened is that the board has many mature members now. Some are unable to recall the fear associated with leaving, others have become totally paranoid about newcomers. Having been here a while, I am finding that when I look at the active threads, nothing seems to be of much interest - it is a rehash of things already discussed a thousand times for me. But I am interested in newbies, so on those threads I often click. Honestly, if someone just posts here, why would we want to overload them with every possible doctrinal problem, fight between ourselves, and accuse them of being a 'troll' before we get to know them.

I am agreeing with most all of the posts so far. I agree with Jeff that Newbies are the most important. I have very strong opinions and beliefs (I'll admit that ) but IMHO it is not acceptable to set them forth as the TRUTH and invalidate the thinking of other people. There is no TRUTH here, it is what we BELIEVE. I do not feel that it is my right, or the right of anyone, to put forth their opinions as the only right way to think, no matter how strongly they believe. My belief is made up of what I have learned. From people, books, emails, newsletters and Internet sites among others. We all take what we need from other people and make it our own. I find it hard to accept from dogmatic, abusive people even if they are right. (or seem right)

When I was a newbie, I was scared to post because I was afraid that my belief would be pounced on and I would be berated for my opinions. I hope this can be a place where everyone is respected. We are all right in our own minds. I also believe "trolls" should be respected. Who knows why they are here? Maybe, just maybe, kindness will be the one thing that will get them to think. Everyone should get the benefit of the doubt.

Love you all, thanks for your kindness and support.

Love and hugs,

Velta

51