Posts by Paralipomenon

44

What to do when your parents are toxic?

by Paralipomenon in

from reading people's stories and life experiences i thought i'd poll the members here for some advice.

my inlaws are extremely toxic.

i know, every person says that about their inlaws, but the way they treat their family is absolutely horrible.

Paralipomenon

I think this tells you that, for good or bad, she cannot, as hurtful as they are, ignore them completely. She knows how you feel, so doesn't want to discuss it with you further. Please don't push, because then she will feel even more in the middle. Some things just can't be resolved so easily.

Hi Quandry

You may not have noticed, but the thread in question is almost two years old. :)

My wife did read the book, "Toxic Parents" and it was a major eye opener for her as she was able to read exactly what she had been feeling and got the perspective from why her parents act that way. I'm proud to say that she has largely addressed this issue and now keeps up with friendly family news, but doesn't go out of her way to seek approval from her parents, she now knows it will never come and is fine with that.

38

How do you confront someone abusing their daughter?

by Paralipomenon in

seeing how child abuse has affected many people here, i am hoping for some advice.

we have friends of our family that have it on good authority that a father is abusing his four year old daughter.

he's always seemed rather creepy to me, which is a bit of the problem.

Paralipomenon

Hi all,

Good news. She was confronted about it yesterday and it validated some suspiscions she already had. With a support network of her family around her she made the immediate decision to leave him and filed a police report last night.

She's going to stay with her sister for a while until she hears back from the police or Children's Services. After they cleared important items out of the house, filed the report and got the children to safety, the stress of the whole situation really hit her and I guess she didn't sleep at all last night. The father isn't aware what's going on yet and thinks she's just going for a girl's sleepover. We're figuring he'll find out today from either the police or the fact that the bank account is cleared out.

The kids are going to be safe. The girl hasn't even asked where her dad is, I think she must be relieved he's not around. We're all really proud of the mother for doing the right thing even though it means rebuilding her life from scratch.

Thanks for all the advice and thoughts.

30

Taking my life back

by Junction-Guy in

jw
friends

i have come to the crossroads where something has to give.

i no longer enjoy visiting any xjw forum.

i have to pull myself away from the negativity or else i will implode from within.

Paralipomenon

"Arguing with Avatars and people I may never even know is not productive and very little can become of it."

One step to overcoming negativity is to stop thinking negatively. I'd suggest looking at it this way. If you are really serious about making change, then view the years of time spent on this site as an awakening and learning process.

Look for the good in the bad and I really hope that you are serious about this.

38

How do you confront someone abusing their daughter?

by Paralipomenon in

seeing how child abuse has affected many people here, i am hoping for some advice.

we have friends of our family that have it on good authority that a father is abusing his four year old daughter.

he's always seemed rather creepy to me, which is a bit of the problem.

Paralipomenon

Thanks for the input everyone. It's pretty much in line with what they were planning to do.

It's an absolutely nerve wracking situation. The basic plan was to talk to the mother at a neutral location away from her house. Make sure both children are there and confront her with the facts. If she decides to file a police report, then we had numbers on hand of shelters where she could take refuge.

They realized that staying with a family member would be dangerous for all parties involved. If the mother was in denial, the family was going to file a report with Child Services anyways. My suggestion to them was not to let emotions get the best of them and approach it critically. It would be better, in my eyes, to take the time to talk to the police or CES and approach it right rather than fast. If they didn't cover all the details correctly, he may have time to coach the child and then cut off all association with the family and the abuse would be hidden for a long time.

The man in question works shifts so they were planning on getting both the mother and children out of the house when he wasn't around. He is extremely controlling and doesn't like her leaving the house without him.

I'll post an update of how things went when I hear more from them.

Thanks

38

How do you confront someone abusing their daughter?

by Paralipomenon in

seeing how child abuse has affected many people here, i am hoping for some advice.

we have friends of our family that have it on good authority that a father is abusing his four year old daughter.

he's always seemed rather creepy to me, which is a bit of the problem.

Paralipomenon

Seeing how child abuse has affected many people here, I am hoping for some advice. We have friends of our family that have it on good authority that a father is abusing his four year old daughter.

He's always seemed rather creepy to me, which is a bit of the problem. I know that many abusers fly under the radar and put on a different face for everyone else, but this guy displays really creepy behavior right out in the open.

With alot of suspicions, the grandmother was finally able to pry her granddaughter away for an overnight sleepover and talked to the child in terms that she'd understand. From the conversation, it was very apparent that he's abusing her.

Now the rest of the family has to address it somehow. The question is how? They want to talk to the girl's mother and inform her, but they are worried that it will go one of two ways:

1) She flips out and confronts her husband alone and ends up getting beaten or killed since he has the capacity of physical violence.

2) That she will ignore it completely and dismiss it as not possible.

The family is all for giving her the chance, then calling child services to intervene. The circumstances are less than ideal. The man in question is a very controlling, demeaning individual. He is a complete chauvinist and pervert without any self control.

He is very disliked in the family and I'm looking for advice to pass on to them. How do you confront this? They were all for confronting the mother right away and giving her an ultimatum but I offered they do a bit more research. I have two fears, first is that if they don't approach this properly, he'll wiggle out of it and start to conceal his methods. Second is that he could just be a creepy jerk and the child misunderstood what was being asked of her.

I know others here have had to deal with this issue very intimately and I'm hoping there is some advice on how they should proceed.

45

Einstein on God....Rare Letter At Auction

by hillary_step in

jw
friends

this rare letter gives us a good insight into the 'religious' views of einstein, oft quoted by mainstream religionists in the hope that they could glean from him some allusion to his belief in a conventional 'god'.. why his views on god or even the rear end of marilyn monroe would be of much interest has always eluded me, but it is just as well that we all know that einstein did not believe in any god, at least not in the conventional sense, so that defenders of the bible and a god free of sociopathy are not tempted to haul his einsteined majesty before the court of debate again.. http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/articlenews/story/ctvnews/20080513/einstein_letter_080513/20080513?hub=scitech.

hs.

.

Paralipomenon

Einstein was very vocal. Very, very vocal. He provided many quotes and many of his letters survive to this day.

That said, you can see his frame of mind change over time on various subjects. He started life as a devout pacifist, decrying all war as unnecessary. But after watching Hitler come and rise to power, he changed his mind to recognize that sometimes war is necessary to keep madmen from oppressing a peace loving people.

His quotes on religion and God too change. While his family wasn't very religious, he tried out religion at a young age in an attempt to connect to his ancestry but quickly gave it up. From that point on, he didn't embrace any religion, but could see great order in the universe.

He felt that the universe was governed by rules and laws so perfectly that it was awe inspiring. Perhaps the universe was a "god" in itself. He completely rejected the notion of a personal God, a holy book and the concept of salvation.

Sadly his clinging to the idea that the universe adhered to a set of rules fueled his rejection of quantum physics. He could not fathom this concept that the universe had chaotic aspects to it that couldn't be predicted or explained by pure raw math. Interestingly, his attempts to disprove quantum physics forced the minds at the time to make many breakthroughs in the field, much to Einstein's dismay.

He was a smart man, a well thought man, but really, his opinions were imperfect and flawed just like everyone here. Requiring the validation of a celebrity scientist as a means to support your belief structure is just silly at the best.

13

Brother-In-Law's JW Baby Momma Is Insane In The Membrane!

by Dorktacular in

jw
friends

my brother-in-law managed to knock up a jw girl (she forgot to tell him she was a jw until after they were screwing for a year and after she was pregnant).

anyway, the baby's here.

she's cute.

Paralipomenon

Immunizations can contain blood products so some of the more hardcore witnesses refuse them. It's not very well known and the society would dearly love this "old light" to just fade away.

2

Witnesses were right! Blood substitutes better than real blood!

by Paralipomenon in

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/health/04/28/blood.substitutes/index.html?iref=werecommend.

hahaha, just kidding, they're now linked to heart disease and attacks.

let's just get some new light to clear up this little misunderstanding....

Paralipomenon

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/04/28/blood.substitutes/index.html?iref=werecommend

Hahaha, just kidding, they're now linked to heart disease and attacks.

Let's just get some new light to clear up this little misunderstanding...

16

negotiating with mom

by tavash in

jw
friends

yesterday was sunny and i felt strong.

i felt up to the challenge, so i called mom.

tomorrow is one year since nan died, so we're bound to have contact.

Paralipomenon

thank you!
sorry about the formatting of the post, so thank you all the more for reading it! i was on this board 3 years ago, but can't find my login. my brother joined since, i'm sure he'll post up. i made it clear to mom that i will be supporting him and we're splitting off our own branch of the family.
i am feeling closer and closer to closure, but i can't help but wonder: could disassociation do the trick?

Hi sis,

I've been debating calling mom. Tomorrow is the anniversary of nan's death so I wasn't sure if I should call to offer support or if that will increase her grief. I guess I'll give her a call too and let her decide for herself how she wants to take it.

I'll try to give you a call tonight if you're going to be around.

39

CONCERED WITNESSES ARE SIGNING UP FOR LIVE TELEPHONE CONFERENCE

by kool aid man06 in

jehovah's witnesses, if it was proved to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have been lied to, would you care?

deny it?

make excuses for it?

Paralipomenon

I have to ask, what is a "house church"?