Maybe spend some more time thinking about who will take this information most seriously, and tell them.
jgnat-------------Thank you. That's what I'm trying to do with this thread.
Have the two of you gone to the police? What do they say?
That's one of the steps I'm trying to determine right now. Samantha at this point doesn't even know that I believe her allegations, much less that I had that conversation with my ex. Part of me is seriously afraid to approach her on it, even now. And Sally....................a whole 'nother story!!! She did NOT come forward...so any mention of her at this point would be totally out of the blue for everybody!!!
Did you read the extremely long post that I put on this thread, AFTER the letter to the former parents-in-law?
A lot of these details/concerns are included in there.
My mother-in-law still worships her son.
OH, BOY!!! can I relate to this............ It's been said more than once in this family that the mother's attitude is that the girls catch heck for everything, and the boys can do no wrong. It was two sisters-in-law at a shower saying this............................ I was just listening, nodding full agreement, glad I wasn't the only one who thought so!
I fully expect the mother to stay this way. The father.............verdict out....................may at least begin to get a doubt...never know--even if he does resent ME for being the message bearer. He felt obligated to check into it the first time...maybe would do so again (if only nominally)..........but you can be sure that whether it's a more thorough 'investigation' by him this time or a cursory one, EVERYONE in thefamily would hear about it all, if it got to that point. [Then again, maybe he would do nothing...not expecting anything.]
My [ jgnat's ] ex-husband heaped all kinds of abuses on me [ jgnat ] and my [ jgnat's ] infant son before I finally left. My body was a roadmap of bruises. My toddler son had bite marks on his arms and legs. Want to know what the clincher was for me? After a phone call went badly, my husband ripped apart the phone. All I could think of was, "What did the phone ever do to him?"
jgnat, I'mso sorry you went through this........................ ((((((((((((( jgnat ))))))))))))))
I just felt a family warning might be in order before that shocker comes to light. No?
No, they don't deserve it. You also give them time to come up with excuses for their own bad behavior.
I've thought of this. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll think on that one some more.
I still don't know if talking to the police first or Samantha first is the way to go.
As it is, I don't even know if the police were ever told in the first place--it was brought out in counseling sessions and told by the counselor to the parents....................I suppose that means there must have been a full investigation by authorities at the time, then, huh--and I just never heard the details (other than that they all dismissed her as lying).
Man...now I feel worse for not saying anything. Is there a statute of limitations for this kind of thing? How likely are the police to take the word of a disgruntled ex-wife? --Of course, I DO have two past OFP's [Orders for Protection] against him that included sexual abuse in the listings. Scratch that---HAD. Dismissed BOTH when trying to be the good J-Dub wife and reconcile each time. But the fact that they existed at ALL CAN be testified to, and speak to his character and history, even if he/ the family would want to try to discredit my testimony on these things now.
My concerns about mentioning anything to do with Sally are detailed in that longer post, too. (Same thread)
But do you think (or does anyone think)--I should talk to Samantha first or the police first? Should I SEE if she's willing to talk to them, after all these years, with me--to bring up the allegations again...or just let the police be the ones to contact her/ anyone else? I haven't had contact with her in Y-E-A-R-S. No idea if she would even talk to me, much less about this.
From some experiences you have already described, two words flow through my head, REPEAT OFFENDER. Your fears may be very real. Your ex needs something more than a spanking from his parents. At this time the police may not be able to do anything except point you in the right direction toget some action/protection for your daughter's. Take it before your fears become a reality. My two cents worth.
DJK---------- My thought too.............REPEAT OFFENDER.................future protection. [Just so you know, I have SONS, not daughters.] I don't worry about them (they're boys).... I worry about future wife or granddaughters. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
I'm concerned about the limitations of police authority at this point, too. But at least the 'paper trail' should be established--an official report filed--so that, at the very least, if anything DOES come to light about him committing future sexual violations, the history is clearly on record, to make THAT [future] case easier to pursue............. Makes sense.
Thanks for responding, all----------. I'm still looking for input/ feedback to help cover as many bases as possible in deciding the proper course here. Thank you..............and please, if you're willing, read the extremely long post that's also on this thread. It explains a lot more.
