hey, honey, don't beat yourself up.
we are never going to get to say we are completely grown up.
not on this side of death.
Wings-- My statement was done, and 'signed off' already. Your "enough already" came late, long after dust has settled. I respond now only because I know your intention was good. But I'm now hopping in the shower, as I have company coming soon. So...
Again-- Peace out.
J-ex-W
hey, honey, don't beat yourself up.
we are never going to get to say we are completely grown up.
not on this side of death.
FHN-- The other thread poofed because of the original spirit of its original post. This one won't. I'm not trying to demonize Oompa. I do know from experience, though, that letting people sit with the uncomfortable feeling a while is sometimes the best way to let them go back and examine their attitude later. It doesn't mean I couldn't converse or even joke with him on a different thread at a different time, if his post there was...of a different nature.
And in case you didn't notice, there is also willingness to go with the lighter tone of this thread as well (story about sister-in-law and that song you mentioned). Stuff CAN be funny!!
Borrowing Flipper's phrase,
Peace out!
J-ex-W
hey, honey, don't beat yourself up.
we are never going to get to say we are completely grown up.
not on this side of death.
The song She's Too Fat for Me.
FHN-- Yes, in proper context, things can be received in good humor. My sister-in-law, a tall, big girl, got married to a tall, big guy...and it was by her request that this song was on the wedding reception playlist. She and her new husband were the first ones out on the dance floor for it!
hey, honey, don't beat yourself up.
we are never going to get to say we are completely grown up.
not on this side of death.
Hey, honey, don't beat yourself up.
FHN-- He's not beating himself up. He needs serious self-reflection, not sympathy.
it does not eat me up, but it did bother me....however posting about this will bother me for much longer.......oomps
Oompa-- Sure. Because of the uncomfortableness of feeling 'caught.' The negative feeling of receiving unexpected negative backlash is what gets to him most.
Unfortunately, I have very strong basis for recognizing this kind of a mindset. Referring to the thread about what list of things to do before I die:
by J-ex-W:
Make sure my [by then, grown] sons know that there dad was raping/ molesting me for years throughout our marriage, and that he had molested at least two of his sisters before he ever met me. They need to know so they can protect their own daughthers, if they have any, from Grandpa Jason. [If he ever remarries, God help the woman!]
My ex and his older brothers started out like this as young teens, maybe even pre-teen. Oompa's disrespect perhaps does not reach this exact level, but ya know...it's kind of like the WT Society: not operating as full-on cult but only as a high mind-control group...a hair shy of a cult. Still crappy way to deal with people, either way.
Oompa--You feel more sorry for the negative backlash brought on to yourself from that post of yours than for the deep flaw in your character which still persists. Examine that, man. Examine that.
#1 to visit ireland.
#2 go to the kentucky derby....with good seats, not the infield.. i have others but they are less important..
Make sure my [by then, grown] sons know that there dad was raping/ molesting me for years throughout our marriage, and that he had molested at least two of his sisters before he ever met me. They need to know so they can protect their own daughthers, if they have any, from Grandpa Jason. [If he ever remarries, God help the woman!]
Needing some reassurances, John Doe? ((((hugs)))
[That right there...above...passing on support to others. Doing that is what gives reason and right to live, IMHO.]
J-ex-W
i've been doing the home study with the jw's for almost a year now.
i've never attended the kingdom hall meetings because i didn't want to -- i used my parents' objection as an excuse.
but now i'm at a problem - i believe more as the christadelphians believe, and i no longer want to do the study with the jw's i know.
johnnyc:
Its not for me now either - but yet there is something that keeps me from cutting all connections.
Haven't we all been here at some point, or most of us? It's been a long process for me to sort through all the conflicts, personally. I certainly can't fault johnnyc for being at any point along his stream of process/ progress. Each must find their own. Mine was to eventually move away from the JW teachings but still hold to some of the positive principles I see there--which I also see among other positive belief/ social systems, religious or not. Let johnny sort it out. Let johnny learn. It's what this is all about.
Married, when the time is right and the person is too. And not at all before then.
luckly she is going to a mental health proffesional soon.. monday - bought her a nice hat as we were going to the races.....tuesday - she decides she doesn't want to go because of the crowds...wednesday - re-arranges furniture and tidies house from 8pm till 8am making lots of noise.
in the morning flys into a rage when i ask her to find library books that are overdue....rings a brother we know and tells him we are get divorced...she sick of them interfering {havent seen him in a year?
} tells him she will sleep with my father like in the bible so i can get an inheritance from him???....
007 -- Try a google search for vitamin D3 and bipolar. Yes, I said D3. Until my neurologist mentioned this last week, I didn't even know different kinds of vitamin D exist.
just go with it if it's what you wanted....tell her she can touch you again.. otherwise you may end up like me in my marriage hugging the dogs for some affection.....sad!.
So I ask why, to which she replies, "you said you didn't want them in the house."
She may have been advised by an elder or a friend that she needs to abide by your wishes as head-of-household. The brothers also say things like, "We don't want to make anybody mad." Also, WT and Awake! publications are available on cd's now, much easier to store discreetly, if she were so inclined.
In other words, this may simply be a continuation of her 'faith behaviors' and not indicate a change of heart of any kind. I mention this because some of the advice I saw posted, about this being a time to step up efforts to influence, concerned me. That tactic could backfire and force her faith-attitude and behaviors to go 'underground,' creating needless undercurrents of resentment and ramping up a sense of religious persecution on her part.
I would tell her, simply, "I noticed you got rid of the literature in the house. I didn't expect you to toss any of it--though, I appreciate your showing consideration for my feelings." This may be all she needs to hear, to feel like her gestures are positively acknowledged and with no waves of pressure following behind. [She may already be bracing herself for more to come, so she may feel relieved when a simple 'thanks' is all that comes.]
Just my two cents. Good luck with all of this--I know it's not easy.
J-ex-W
