jgnat,
Of biblical proportions for sure--tribal and thorough.
Has your son-in-law been back to rwanda? Neither would I be able to say "forgive" unless I had been in it too.
But they themselves are saying it, doing it.
The survivors have a particular forgiveness they are sharing throughout the rurals to deal with the scars in the communities. Don't they have to live on until a "natural" death takes their life? Your son-in-law may have some of the mental scars that those present during the massacres have.
"Rwandan stories" contains the stories of how the Rwandans are dealing with the incredible violence that stole everything from them--estimated 300,000 CHILDREN murdered. He may know of the work ongoing to heal some of the psychological suffering that has followed.
Glad you're his MIL. take care,
Maeve