Dear Lurker, first I want to say welcome, I have read your post 4 times and all the others before I post back. I too was an elder, pioneer, served for more than 1/2 of my 22 years, but this is not about me. I feel your pain, the frustration of teaching others something that you no longer believe in. A heavy responsibility and yet what is in your heart will eventually come out. Not easy, knowing the truth about the "truth". I feel for you, having invested so much time and energy in to the org and now knowing the truth about many things. I too love my God and Christ and have now come to the conclusion (from reading the Bible) that it is about faith in Christ, love God and neighbor, and the simplistic message from the Bible that has brought me through it. I hope you find comfort from so many here that have gone through what you are going through. Keep reading, asking questions on how to handle your matters as there will be someone or many who can give you the wisdom and experience of how to handle your situation. Find comfort in the friends here who KNOW your pain and frustration, but even more importantly, throw your cares and burdens on God and Christ. May you find peace and happiness, take care.
Your brother in Christ,
abr