Slave4_38y

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Posts by Slave4_38y

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  15

  Send In The Clowns

  by OneFingerSalute in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  as i sat through another mind numbing sermon this morning i could not help thinking that the speaker was a total clown.. lime green suit, white shirt, yellow tie, blue socks barely higher than his ankle, brown shoes, and an orange cast.

  all that was missing was a big red rubber nose!

  and of course everyone remarked what a wonderful talk he gave.

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  Slave4_38y

  Stephen Lett IS a clown!
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  61

  KH 1st timer, could use some advice

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey people, .

  i am soon going into a kh for the first time and i could use some advice around etiquette etc.

  i know next to nothing besides the fundamental beliefs of jws, i personally dont believe in any religion, and that stance isnt ever going to change, however i don't want to come across as rude or disrespectful.

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  Slave4_38y

  If you have to go, here's some do's and don’ts that might help you:

  Attire: You can't go wrong with a suit and tie. Nothing in Spanx. No colored socks. No Tight pants. No Sparlock Lives! T-shirts. Cover up tattoos and remove piercings and novelty contact lenses (e.g. glow in the dark, cat-eye or alien). Trim your nose and ear hair. If you have a mullet try to hide it by having a proper haircut. If you have long hair, tie a ponytail. Only ONE ponytail, not two or three. Remove any remnants of nail polish left after the fancy-dress you've been to the weekend before. Remove your platinum and white gold "Grim Reapers do it in the end" ring. Hide or remove your saint Christopher necklace.

  Before the meeting: Arrive quietly. No screeching tyres. Don't honk your horn with the aftermarket “is-any-bo-dy-at-home” jingle. Leave your coolbox in the trunk. You should have had something to eat and drink at home. You should not have had half a pound of garlic if you plan to converse at close courters with anybody. You should have had your last alcoholic beverage 24 hours before the event – unless you’re giving a talk, then it drops to thirty minutes before the event. Try not to smoke cigarettes or a pipe before the meeting. Although it does help to smoke some recreation green herbs to numb the effects of the waffle you are about to hear. You may under no circumstances partake of any red wine or unleavened bread should said items pass your nose. No! Don’t even think about it. Not even if you had a vision of some dude in white robes telling you you’re going to heaven and should partake. Not even if the dude in white robes gave you a automated numbering ticket. Not even if the dude in white robes said that papa J is okay with it. No! Don’t even think about it. You may sniff said items but that is frowned upon. When greeting, smile politely and say “good day”. Not “good day mate”, not “how’s it hanging bro”, not “wazaaap homey”. Have a firm (not TOO firm) handshake. Dubs from 2 to 88, male or female, must be greeted this way. Do not try to kiss any females. If you cannot control the urge, try to keep the kiss short (less than two seconds). No tongue! Don’t look at anyone’s breasts, not even your wife’s! Stay clear of dubs older than 88. All of them are extremely pissed off at being duped into the cult for so long and that it’s futile to try to leave now. When entering the KH, make a bee-line for your seat and stay there. That’s your little domain for the next hour or so. If anyone wants to chat to you, they will have to enter YOUR domain. If you pass a painting of a lot of happy people in a HUGE garden filled with tigers, lions and such, do not stop and stare. Do not draw a moustache on the Italian looking chick (in the painting) with a black permanent marker pen. Give short answers when questioned by busy-bodies, e.g. “yes”, “no”, “about 24 hours ago”, “I’ve read that book already”, “maybe” and “I could, but I hate it when my yin/yang clashes with my feng shui. It’s bad karma”.

  During the meeting: Do not try to sing along during the opening song. Lip-sync to keep up appearances. You may squint your eyes during prayer in order to survey your surrounding properly but do not get caught by the 4 year old five seats from you, especially if the surroundings you are surveying happen to be his mothers breasts. Do not attempt to dislodge that piece of dried mucus stuck up your left nostril. Statistics show that 69,2 percent of dubs squint their eyes during prayer so you will be caught out. With opening prayer finished the real fun begins! What happens next is mind numbing! If you have ADD or ADHD you are screwed. If you have more than 74 brain cells you are screwed. If you have Freudian anal retentiveness you are screwed. If you suffer from OCD you are screwed. If you have an anxiety disorder you are screwed. Come to think of it, the only way you could stomach what’s coming next is if you have been systematically brainwashed over a period of time to the state of delusion most dubs find themselves at. I cannot mentally prepare you for this part. Good luck. Physical manifestations of the mental anguish you are enduring are not allowed. Keep looking at the speaker throughout the discourse and nod knowingly every ten minutes or so. You may, no SHOULD, look up every scripture quoted. At first it is discouraging to try the open at the right book, chapter and verse in the 4 and a half seconds it takes the speaker to look it up. (He has it printed in his notes by the way). Try to open your bible in the near vicinity of where the scripture will be read. If it’s Geneses, open your bible in the beginning. Revelation is at the end and Matthew is about three courters of the way in. Use your finger to mock-point at the section being read. Move your lips in sync with what the speaker is reading. Try not to look like a retard in doing that. Under no circumstances do you put your hand up. You do not need permission to take toilet breaks but try not to abuse this loving arrangement by Jehovah. Do not put your hand up during any question and answer sessions . . . ever. Do not point to something interesting like the spider cascading down one of the down-lighters. Do not put your arms around your wife during the meeting or hold her hand during song or prayer. This has been known to cause impulsive orgasms in some of the young pubescent teens witnessing your act of love towards your spouse. The modus operandi for closing song and prayer is the same as opening song and prayer.

  After the meeting: Give short answers when questioned by busy-bodies, e.g. “yes”, “no”, “about 26 hours ago”, “I’ve read that book already”, and “are you f&*$ng mad?”. Yes, use that last sentence even if a hint of profanity lurks between this seemingly innocent suggestion/question. Use it when asked: “Did you enjoy the meeting?”, “will we be seeing you again?”, “would you like a home based super duper dub bible study?” and “can I have my black permanent marker pen back?”. Make for the exit in an orderly but firm fashion.

  When Leaving: Leave quietly. No screeching tyres. Don't honk your horn with the aftermarket “is-any-bo-dy-at-home” jingle. Do not be tempted to grab a beer out of the coolbox in the trunk. Do not be tempted to relieve your nicotine withdrawal in ANY way or form. Do not yell out the window “See you later alligator, after a while paedophile”.

  Congratulations! You’ve survived you first meeting at a Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
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  61

  KH 1st timer, could use some advice

  by rathernotsay in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey people, .

  i am soon going into a kh for the first time and i could use some advice around etiquette etc.

  i know next to nothing besides the fundamental beliefs of jws, i personally dont believe in any religion, and that stance isnt ever going to change, however i don't want to come across as rude or disrespectful.

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  Slave4_38y

  
  
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  6

  Spin off Watchtower cart industry

  by Esse quam videri in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  new posters for each new magazine edition.

  someone is going to make some moola.. http://kingdomprintsllc.org/products/literature-cart-poster-print-2-separate-prints-march-watchtower-and-awake-2015.

  literature cart poster prints- 2 separate prints- march watchtower and awake 2015.

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  Slave4_38y

  In early 2014 many brothers lost access to affordable displays.

  Seems Legit . . . I've lost a pot-bellied pig once.

  Our goal is to provide high quality at a fair price until Jehovah makes other arrangements.

  Which I hope is not soon because this "service" pays for my vintage midget porn collection.

  
  
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  16

  new photos of the stupidity ^%$#@ WTF is this %^$#

  by NoMoreHustle in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i'm sure you've seen these, just in case you haven't.

  https://instagram.com/p/zorhhuhis5/.

  https://instagram.com/p/zba9rlhivl/.

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  Slave4_38y

  Real life Caleb - last pic: He DOES look like the type to play with a plastic magic wizard toy.
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  12

  My first birthday gift to someone

  by Slave4_38y in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i bought my girlfriend a birthday gift yesterday.

  it felt weird.

  i'm 43 years old and have never done this before.

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  Slave4_38y

  Billy, the whole idea of banning birthdays just because the two mentioned events in the bible did not have a happy ending for some seemed ludicrous to me. I just couldn't wrap my head around it (pun intended). Today I understand that it's one way a cult brainwashes it's victims: systematically breaking down a individuals sense of self.
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  14

  Do you know any books written by Jehovah's Witnesses?

  by paradisebeauty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i found once a list on the internet on novels about the new world written by jehovah's witnesses.

  don't seam to find it anymore.

  does any of you happen to know any novels about the new world?

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  Slave4_38y

  Big J wrote a fictional book called "The Bible". The plot is incoherent and the characters lack depth.
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  11

  What backlash could you expect by telling everyone you 'hate the Caleb cartoons'?

  by Esse quam videri in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  what kind of response could you expect if you let everyone in your congregation know that.

  "... i hate those stupid caleb cartoons.

  i hate his crazy mother.

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  Slave4_38y

  The word "hate" followed by anything the society has concocted will send any dub in cult/apostate alert mode.
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  12

  My first birthday gift to someone

  by Slave4_38y in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i bought my girlfriend a birthday gift yesterday.

  it felt weird.

  i'm 43 years old and have never done this before.

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  Slave4_38y

  Ha ha ha Billy, that sounds about right. Carla, I had to re-do it about four times.
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  46

  Groanfest. Share your daftest jokes .

  by jhine in

  1. social
  2. humour

  lots of serious stuff being discussed on site .

  i thought!it would be nice to make each other groan/ smile for a change .please share your corniest ,punniest , or daftest joke .. i will start with this shocker , borrowed from tim vine .. vandalism in a multi story carpark ....... ...................................,............................ wrong on sooo many levels !.

  come on now share yours.

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  Slave4_38y

  What do you call cheese that's not yours?
  
  Nacho cheese.