Not sure where to begin with this paragraph, im just a little dazed & confused.
I was in the jw religion for 20 years of my life, baptized, almost MS, I recently left, i am 20 right now. Living with my girlfriend.
I hardly hear from my parents, who I love dearly, and I rarely hear from my older brother, who was my best friend.
Part of me is gone now that their not in my life and doing strong in the religion. Im feeling emotionally mixed up and the last few nights have just cryed, and I rarely cry, because I miss my family.
I think it's rediculous if I wanted things back to normal, I'd have to go back into the religion. Just because I dont believe in what they believe in, their association with me is limited.
When you become so close to your family and friends in the religion over time, and then you lose them, it's a tough pill to swallow. And it makes me question whether I want to become close or make new friends with anyone at all.
Seems like I have trust issues, since ivé been taught my whole life not to trust people in the world , that kind of stuck with me over time, and I find it hard to trust even my GF. She's the only person im remotely close to right now, and im afraid of losing her like I lost my family and friends. So im very protective.
Seems to me everything comes and goes in life. I use to be outgoing and funny, but everyday im finding it hard to be that person I use to be.
I feel like an outcast because im not in the religion anymore and they shun me, then I feel like an outcast being in the " world" , because the religion made me feel that way, they made me feel that I was an outcast in the world for years. Very frusterating, and mixed up feelings I have.
Someone young like me, 20 years old, shouldn't have to deal with these negative feelings, it's like a waste of life. Im not sure where to begin in rehabilitating my feelings.
Well, thanks for reading guys.