What an interesting thread, I'm glad it was bumped as I'm in this situation too.
To be fair I can't exactly describe my parents as toxic as I had a happy unabusive childhood along with my 3 older siblings. The problem has manifest itself since I left the Witnesses after 21 years. None of us were brought up as witnesses, mum and dad became ones when I was in early teens.
I now live on a small island on the south coast of England along with my retired parents (not in the same house). My siblings all live on mainland UK 70+ miles away. My dad was truly horrible during my WT exit. He saw me treated really badly by the congregation and even though my mum was going through cancer at the time and I was doing all I could to care for them, he fully endorsed the cruel shunning I was receiving and even witnessed my 9 year old son go through such stress he was wrongly diagnosed as autistic by psychologists.
My dad let me down really badly. He set up a meeting with an elder to address the way I was being treated, to my surprise he assured me that he would defend me. Instead, as soon as the door was closed, dad immediately agreed totally with everything the elder said and wouldn't listen to anything I said. He even got up and left me half way through.
I was set up. I left that room completely broken.
Now my relationship with my dad is tenuous. I am still the only daughter on the island and my siblings expect me to take care of dad, but I love and hate the man at the same time. Does that make sense?
Sometimes I can't go round and see them cos I can't bear it. Often the conversation is stilted and uncomfortable and I don't want to share my life with them. Neither are they allowed to share their Watchtower life with me. In fact I know they've recently been to the circuit assembly, had the overseer's visit, had the memorial, but none of this is ever mentioned in conversation. Its as if they're throwing pearls before swine by mentioning it.
Now I'm just tired of playing this game. My siblings have left the care of my parents to me and I'm struggling. Not with the physical care, but with how I feel about them. None of my siblings became witnesses so they don't understand the problem. They would be angry if they felt I was neglecting them.
I feel constantly guilt-laden because I don't like this relationship. Where has my dad of my childhood gone? Where is the laughing, loving man I remember who used to give me a cuddle when I fell down and make everything alright? He's become hard and cruel in his defence of the Watchtower, and I miss that man.
He's elderly now, 81 next month. He deserves better from me but I just can't give him anymore. He took everything I had into that room with the elder and stamped all over it.
Don't know what to do now.
