Posts by Esmeralda

17

Anyone out there?

by Clark66 in

jw
friends

my name is clark.

i have been disfellowshiped since december 31, 1991. i attended the redwood city north congregation and was disfellowshipped along with an elder on the same night...you do the "mathwork.".

i am new to this sight (about 1/2 hour) and am not familiar with the format of the do's and don'ts ... or even if i should be here.... however, i have a question for anyone...(and i'm ready for the answers whether it be from over enthusiastic jw's or people who understand...or from anyone in between).. i was disfellowshipped because i openly admitted before 3 elders that i am gay and lived this life as a gay man despite being previously a regular pioneer and a ministerial servant.

Esmeralda

Hi Clark,

I just wanted to welcome you to the board and give you a hug

((hug))

The others here have good advice to offer, especially checking out SanFranJim's site.

I could really get fired up with JW's and others who condemn gays but I won't go on a tangent here... (my short answer is, why are some people gay? Well, why am I not gay? We're all individuals. I believe that people are born what they are)

I am glad that you got out of the organization alive. Many don't, and that is a tragedy. Being different in any way
is hard enough in the judgemental society we live in, without all of that JW crud added on.

I'm not making much sense, it's been a long day. Just wanted to welcome you, and let you know that
I'm glad you're here, and that you made it out alive.

*hugs*
Essie

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

6

IMPORTANT! Info on JW custody issues needed!

by Esmeralda in

jw
friends

i've been contacted by someone who is in a pretty desperate battle for custody with their jw ex.. this person needs advice from anyone who has been in this situation and managed to win, especially.

information about dealing with appelate courts and how to select competant legal counsel.. this is a time sensitive situation and i just don't have the information/experience necessary to help this person.. yet they've turned to me for help, so i have to avail upon all of you now to give any kind assistance.

that you can.. if you are willing to correspond with this person, please let me know here, or e mail me and i will .

Esmeralda

Thanks, folks, I have passed that info on and also filed it away for future reference in case
I'm asked again!

I also invited the person involved over to this board, hopefully they will show up. They could
really use the support right now.

*hugs* and thanks
Essie

10

My Sister

by Esmeralda in

jw
friends

after being so close to getting a clue about the "truth",my oldest sister is way back in it, deeper than ever.. i love claire dearly, and i know that in her way, she loves me too.. i believe the problem in our relationship lies in that when it all comes down to it, at the end of the day, we don't really like each other very much anymore.

this knowledge saddens me more than i can explain.. it wasn't always this way.. we did fight a lot as children.

perhaps it's the eight year age difference.

Esmeralda

"Continue to love your sister as much as she will let you. That way you are there if her
"safe" wall comes down.
Your sister is doing what kids do. She is plugging her ears and yelling la, la, la.... loudly so
that she can't hear you, but only hearself, because if she hears you she will have to do
something about what she is hearing and she doesn't want that. It would cause her whole
life to change, and obviously she isn't ready for that."

Great advice, thanks Lindy. So glad you're here on this board :)

luv
Es

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

9

Mental Anguish

by doubtingsister in

jw
friends

i'm getting ready for the book study.

the only reason i'm even going is because i've got several friends i don't want to break ties with yet.

they are counting on me to help them stay strong in the "truth".

Esmeralda

((((((HUG))))))) Anne!

I'm so sorry for the position you're in. I remember when I felt that horrible feeling of knowing that I would
lose friends and relatives when I finally followed my heart and left the organization.

I did lose a lot of them. But there have been a few surprises. A dear friend who shunned me for a year
following my df'ing has now left the organization as well, and we are rebuilding our relationship.

Now, I hear that the daughter of my friend has now just recently left the organization. She has been
given my number, and I hope that she calls me.

One of my male cousins has also recently left, and even though he's not physically living near me now,
we are still close.

You will lose some people when you leave. But that price is not nearly as high as the price you will pay if you
stay in and lose yourself.

You say that your husband doesn't understand...is he a JW? If he's not, you have a great security blanket to help ease your journey out.

I look forward to hearing from you as you post here in the future. You're not a bother, and as the others
have said, you are definitely not alone.

Take courage.

*hug*
Esmeralda

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

5

Did you ever have to exclude a loved one from your

by Latte in

jw
friends

http://www.witnessesonline.com/ubb/forum1/html/000072.html.

did you ever have to exclude a loved one from your wedding?.

it truly made me sad, when i read the posts on this particular thread.

Esmeralda

Hi Michelle, You said:

Here's hoping she or the studying husband wises up fast and steers clear of such an abusive organization.

That is EXACTLY what I thought when I read that story. I know that my husband would never, ever be
interested in studying because of the way he sees my family treat me. I hope that lesson is not
lost on this studying spouse!!!

I know I owe you sooo much e mail...think of you all the time and hope all is well!

*hugs*
Essie

6

IMPORTANT! Info on JW custody issues needed!

by Esmeralda in

jw
friends

i've been contacted by someone who is in a pretty desperate battle for custody with their jw ex.. this person needs advice from anyone who has been in this situation and managed to win, especially.

information about dealing with appelate courts and how to select competant legal counsel.. this is a time sensitive situation and i just don't have the information/experience necessary to help this person.. yet they've turned to me for help, so i have to avail upon all of you now to give any kind assistance.

that you can.. if you are willing to correspond with this person, please let me know here, or e mail me and i will .

Esmeralda

Hi everyone,

I've been contacted by someone who is in a pretty desperate battle for custody with their JW ex.
This person needs advice from anyone who has been in this situation and managed to win, especially
information about dealing with appelate courts and how to select competant legal counsel.

This is a time sensitive situation and I just don't have the information/experience necessary to help this person.
Yet they've turned to me for help, so I have to avail upon all of you now to give any kind assistance
that you can.

If you are willing to correspond with this person, please let me know here, or e mail me and I will
forward the mail to them.

Thank you in advance for any help you can give. My heart is breaking over this case...please help if you can!

*hugs* to all
Essie

20

Hi Everyone! It's Antique!

by Lindy in

jw
friends

hi ya'all, it me, antique!.

wow!

i like this site much better than the new h2o!

Esmeralda

Hiya Antique :) Happy to see ya!

*hugs*
Essie

10

My Sister

by Esmeralda in

jw
friends

after being so close to getting a clue about the "truth",my oldest sister is way back in it, deeper than ever.. i love claire dearly, and i know that in her way, she loves me too.. i believe the problem in our relationship lies in that when it all comes down to it, at the end of the day, we don't really like each other very much anymore.

this knowledge saddens me more than i can explain.. it wasn't always this way.. we did fight a lot as children.

perhaps it's the eight year age difference.

Esmeralda

"Take the cult out of it, and I can imagine these two women working through the issues more successfully than they
stand to now ..."

Hi LDH and Dedalus :)

I have done a bit of reading on birth order, and it is true that Claire is a typical first born, and
I'm a total middle child. But Dedalus is right: We have always been able to work through the other
'family stuff' in the past: it's the religious issue that has become the mountain we can't climb.

It's not because I'm not willing to accept her. It comes down to, she believes her religion is right:
and that makes me wrong. No matter how moral a life I live: how good a person I am, how good
a wife and mother, how good my husband is to us. Our life, our whole existance is wrong to her,
because we're not doing things "Jehovah's way". I hope that her mind opens up a little,
because I just can't narrow mine back down.

Thanks for your input :)

*hugs*
Essie

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

5

Did you ever have to exclude a loved one from your

by Latte in

jw
friends

http://www.witnessesonline.com/ubb/forum1/html/000072.html.

did you ever have to exclude a loved one from your wedding?.

it truly made me sad, when i read the posts on this particular thread.

Esmeralda

That was sickening.

One of the worst days of my life was my cousin's wedding day, three months after I was df'd.

I was told not to even show up at the kingdom hall for the ceremony (I would have gone in after
the processional and left before the prayer) while my ex husband and his new fiancee (whom he
announced he was marrying just weeks after our divorce was final...literally right after my df'ing was
announced...when did they have time to date, hmmm?) sat in the front row with my family!

She had wanted me to stand up for her in her wedding from the time she was five years old. And
I wasn't even allowed to be there. I still cry thinking about it. I think that if any of the people who have done this ever leave the org. they are going to feel awful about upholding the shunning on an occaision like a wedding.

Heartbreaking. People waste time thinking that their relatives will be around forever. They won't. We
should appreciate the living while they are with us, even if we disagree religiously.

The cult has caused so much destruction. Dispicable.

Es

Edited by - Esmeralda on 22 March 2001 15:12:47

32

What would you have done without the WT?

by expatbrit in

jw
friends

imagine that you had never heard of the watchtower.

imagine that your life and that of your families had never been influenced by wt teachings.. i know for a fact that the wt's philosophy on further education contributed to my not achieving what i should have at school.

this is not to shirk the responsibility for my grades; ultimately they were my responsibility.

Esmeralda

I like what you said here MrAngry: "Everything I have acheived has been in spite of the WT"
I totally agree with that.

Interesting question, Brit...I immediately thought of the music scholarship that I didn't take when I was
18, because my mother said it "Wasn't a theocratic persuit" and that it would only lead me to a "worldly
career". I remember my father telling me that if I wanted to take the offer I'd have to move out. I don't think
it really had a lot to do with the religious issue though, because they let my sister go to Community college
to get a degree in Mass Communications, and they paid her tuition! So who knows why they prevented me.

I can't look back on my life and feel sorry though. If I'd taken the scholarship, I wouldn't have
married my first husband. Now, that would have been good you may say, but you know, I
wouldn't even change that part of my past. I actually have my ex to thank for the two greatest
blessings in my life: my daughter, and my second husband. Why would he have anything to do with my second husband? Because he's the one who introduced me to him in the chat room where we met *lol* That was
poetic justice.

Anyway, I think instead of things that I'd still like to do. I'd still like to work on my singing, but now am
dealing with the physical limitations of MS and not the bounderies put on my by the WT.

I think that many people have regrets in life for things they didn't do, or wish they could do differently.
Life is too short to get stuck in your regrets. Live your best life today, and be as happy as you can.

And they didn't really take music from me. I still sing :)

Essie

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best