Posts by Esmeralda

124

I Think That I Chose My Parents.

by Englishman in

jw
friends

do you believe in reincarnation?.

i dont think i believe in it in the same way that most believers do, which is that we keep coming back in different fleshly bodies until we have achieved perfection.. i do, however, strongly suspect that we may well be spirit creatures who find it necessary to inhabit a fleshly body from time to time, and that this entails us having to leave behind most of our past memories.. i say most memories, because many people seem to have some vestigal recollections that don`t seem to fit in with earthly experiences.. i`m pretty sure that i chose my parents!

i have a recollection of being shown a young and kind couple through some form of astral telescope and choosing to become their son.

Esmeralda

To Rem:

I get a sick feeling while reading some of these posts because it just provides even more evidence of how gullible
we can be.

Why does reading differing opinions make you feel sick? Is it that important for everyone to share
your viewpoint?

I guess it makes people feel good or special

This is an assumption on your part. Can you know, for certain, how I feel unless you ask me? These experiences
have made me feel neither different, good, nor special. They just occurred.

You put everyone who responded to this thread into groups: believers and nonbelievers. That sounds like
JW reasoning to me. You have all the reasons to justify your beliefs, not allowing room for others
to believe differently, or, of course, they must be wrong. Which is shown in this quote:

And once someone brings up doubt or scientific research on the subject that does not coincide with that belief, that
person is castigated as if there is something wrong with him! You only allow information that affirms your beliefs, but don’t
take into account evidence that shows flaws in the belief.

Castigated? You just said before that reading my beliefs, and those of others in this thread made you sick. Isn't
that you, castigating the rest of us? I am not saying you're wrong. I didn't say Jan was wrong. I just said
our opinions differ and we should be able to express that without being disrespectful to each other.

I respect your opinion, as I have said to Jan and would say to all the others who view things more
scientifically. To me, this thread is not even about the topic of esp or whatever anymore.

To me this thread has become a prime example of intolerance for the beliefs of others, when
they differ from your own. I will not participate in such a debate over who has more evidence and
such, because everyone's reality is different. You've surely heard the phrase "Your focus determines your
reality." That quote was restated to me by my neurologist, who I assure you is probably the most
single-mindedly scientific gentleman I have ever met.

I am simply saying that I respect you and wish that you could express your varying opinion without telling
anyone that they 'make you sick'.

If I wanted to be among people who believed that way, I would go
back to the Kingdom Hall, and to my family. Instead I am seeking a life of tolerance: where I don't
need to be right, and my opinion is no more, or less valid than my fellowmans.

If we all believed the same things, the world would be dreadfully boring. Diversity is what makes things
interesting. Thank you for taking the time to share your viewpoint with us.

Have a peaceful day :)

Essie

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

124

I Think That I Chose My Parents.

by Englishman in

jw
friends

do you believe in reincarnation?.

i dont think i believe in it in the same way that most believers do, which is that we keep coming back in different fleshly bodies until we have achieved perfection.. i do, however, strongly suspect that we may well be spirit creatures who find it necessary to inhabit a fleshly body from time to time, and that this entails us having to leave behind most of our past memories.. i say most memories, because many people seem to have some vestigal recollections that don`t seem to fit in with earthly experiences.. i`m pretty sure that i chose my parents!

i have a recollection of being shown a young and kind couple through some form of astral telescope and choosing to become their son.

Esmeralda

Jan,

I respect your opinion, because it is just that: your viewpoint. I also respect Wendy's, those
of all the others who participated in this thread, and even my own. Because we are all individuals
and no two people will agree completely on life experiences and their significance.

I noticed this comment that you made:

but when it comes down to it: it's just fantasies without foundation in facts.

Even if it is fiction in the end (which I don't personally believe, but anyway...) I prefer it to the cold
sterility of pure science. Emotion is what sets humans apart, and I am not ashamed to feel them. I don't need to have
to explain and justify every single thing that I feel to others. I don't need approval or validation for my emotions.

I just wonder...why you need to keep arguing for the sole purpose of proving that you're right and
everyone else is wrong? Isn't it enough that you know, in your own mind that your view is the right one for you?

I'm sure you'll have quite a bit to say in reply. I just wanted to give you something to think about today.

With respect,
Es

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

35

Feeling desperate................

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

please listen.

im not the first to go through this, i wont be the last.. i was raised in the truth as a result of my mum starting a study when i was 4 years old.

that was in 1968. the hysteria of a 1975/armageddon was just beginning to take root and the sister who studied with my mum was 100% sure of it.

Esmeralda

Nic...

First of all, *hug*

You asked:"What do I do? Everyone that ever meant anything to me is still in the ‘Truth’.
I have never felt more alone."

Please realize that while you may feel alone, you are not truly alone. We are listening, and even though
we are limited by being able to offer you words on a screen, there are real people behind those
words, and we all hurt with you in your pain.

I think that all you can do now is to take things one step at a time. If you worry about everything that could
happen, it will cloud your resolve to listen to your own heart.

You may very well lose a lot of the people in your life by leaving the organization. But if your family
is anything like mine, you will realize that it can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. That if you tried
to assert your newfound thinking abilities with them still in the picture to a large degree, you wouldn't
get very far. They'd stomp every new discovery out with the soles of their sensible Field Service shoes.

I wish I could offer more than understanding. I wish that I could spare you going through this
experience that so many of us have suffered through. All I can tell you is that you can, and WILL
get through it. Take things one step at a time, and remember to be true to yourself.

You may have moments where you think it'd just be easier to 'go along' with keeping up the facade
for the sake of your family. But I warn you, doing that takes an incredible toll on your soul.

Please be kind to yourself. Keep your gaze straight out in front of you and remember that while
the life you knew may be ending, you have the freedom of mind now to build your future from the ground
up to be exactly what you want, with your own two hands.

*hugs* keep posting, and have courage! You're not alone.

Esmeralda

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

11

Elders/former Elders, help with this?

by wasasister in

jw
friends

actually, i don't care if you ever were an elder if you can find the appropriate reference in the wt for the following situation:.

with all the discussion lately about the need for "two witnesses" to make an accusation valid, i've been thinking about divorce (and ultimately, remarriage) on the grounds of adultery.

in most cases, an adulterous mate does not commit the deed in public.

Esmeralda

Hi Was :)

I want to respond to this post in e mail. Would you please send me your current e mail addy?

Mine is still the same: [email protected]

thanks
Essie

124

I Think That I Chose My Parents.

by Englishman in

jw
friends

do you believe in reincarnation?.

i dont think i believe in it in the same way that most believers do, which is that we keep coming back in different fleshly bodies until we have achieved perfection.. i do, however, strongly suspect that we may well be spirit creatures who find it necessary to inhabit a fleshly body from time to time, and that this entails us having to leave behind most of our past memories.. i say most memories, because many people seem to have some vestigal recollections that don`t seem to fit in with earthly experiences.. i`m pretty sure that i chose my parents!

i have a recollection of being shown a young and kind couple through some form of astral telescope and choosing to become their son.

Esmeralda

Wendy,

*hug* right back to you! I think you're right that only those who have miscarried
can understand what it means.

I remember that was one of the first warning flags I had about the org. was the way they handled my miscarriages and the 'comfort' they gave me was anything but comforting. I realize now that may have been a gift
that my unborn children gave to me: that warning about my life in the organization, that if I stayed in it
it would mean a slow death for my soul.

I'm so happy to be free now, and to get to talk to people like you who inspire me. I get so much
courage from reading posts like yours and knowing that others have been through the same
things I have and come out the other side. Thank you so much for telling me about your experience.

At the end of the day...I know that I am very blessed in my life...that is something else my inner voice reminds me daily :)
That is a feeling that I wish for you and everyone else here who has suffered from their JW lives.

I hope this makes sense, I didn't have any coffee today, ugh *lol* I better stop before I really
start to ramble :)

*huge hugs*
Essie

21

Hi-I'm new here

by had_enough in

jw
friends

im new to this (or any) board and id like to introduce myself.

ive been visiting this and h2o for about a month now, and it has been so therapeutic for me.

ive been inactive for about 2 years except for memorial and assemblies and those have only been for my siblings sake to help care for an aging parent.. i decided to join in and introduce myself because yesterday i read ozzies great post on restrictions on march 23 pm and got so worked up by past memories of my experience with dfing and going through the humiliation of qualifying for reinstatement.

Esmeralda

Hi had_enough,

we're all glad to have you here. You are definitely on the rollercoaster that we've all been on before,
some of us are still on it because of JW relatives.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You have a lot of courage and I hope that
you'll find the support here that you're looking for!

*hugs* and again, welcome!

Esmeralda

124

I Think That I Chose My Parents.

by Englishman in

jw
friends

do you believe in reincarnation?.

i dont think i believe in it in the same way that most believers do, which is that we keep coming back in different fleshly bodies until we have achieved perfection.. i do, however, strongly suspect that we may well be spirit creatures who find it necessary to inhabit a fleshly body from time to time, and that this entails us having to leave behind most of our past memories.. i say most memories, because many people seem to have some vestigal recollections that don`t seem to fit in with earthly experiences.. i`m pretty sure that i chose my parents!

i have a recollection of being shown a young and kind couple through some form of astral telescope and choosing to become their son.

Esmeralda

Wow...quite thought provoking, Englishman. I can't imagine that I chose my parents...because
I don't think I'd have willingly chosen the childhood I had. Your post leaves me with much to think about however.

Wendy...I respect you so much for putting your personal experiences out there for us. Thank you
for trusting us with them...I hope that people will realize what a tremendous blessing it is that you
opened up to the board that way, and how priviledged we are to hear your thoughts that way! Thank you!

I can't say that my inner voice was something I had early in life. Wait, that's not true. I think its
better to say I didn't listen to it.

I knew deep down inside that I was going to have to give myself up entirely when I married my first husband. I wrote it in a journal 2 months before the wedding. But I got caught up in the opinions of others that marrying this ministerial servant was the 'best I would do' because I lacked looks, intelligence, whatever. I know now that wasn't true, but it
became my reality at the time.

My inner voice began asserting itself more loudly after my first miscarriage. I felt a strong tie to
both the babies I lost, and I felt as if I could 'see' them in my mind and heart and know what they would
have been like if they'd have been born. I wrote about that extensively at the time and those
journals are now up on my website. I 'knew' that they were both girls, etc...even though people
thought I was insane at the time.

My inner voice, intuition, whatever you want to call it, became more and more vocal and hard to ignore
as time went on, and by the time I was 25, it was screaming at me. That was the strength
that got me through my decision to divorce Mike, the sense I had of just knowing that I could
trust Justin (we are definitely soul mates. Whether we've been together before, I don't know but we both
have this sense of knowing that we'll be together beyond this life,whatever is after it)

Listening to that voice is how I got through losing my family, leaving the organization, being a single parent
for a time and supporting myself and my child on a seven dollar an hour job as a cashier. It was a leap of
faith: and I knew that I had to take a risk if I was ever going to be really happy.

I was right, even though everyone told me I was crazy. And I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat to get to where
I am now. I can't imagine I'd still be alive if I had kept ignoring that voice: my mind or body would have
given out completely and I just wouldn't be here now.

I have learned to trust my inner voice, and doing so has brought me more peace (and good decisions!)
than I ever thought I'd make.

It's a hard thing to describe, and I've never really put it into words before. So I hope that people
will respect my contributions as just that: my view, just as I respect everyone elses.

Facinating topic, Englishman. I'd have to have a good cup of tea and some silence to really consider
the issue before commenting any more. I look forward to others responses.

*hugs*
Esmeralda

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

14

Unresolved anger or overwhelming sadness?

by LDH in

jw
friends

well, which is it guys?.

are you filled with anger at the wbts or just sad that things aren't what you though they were?.

i'm very sad that my parents won't talk with my sister (da'd) or my brother (df'd) even though the society's own web-site says that such actions do not sever family ties.

Esmeralda

I'd definately have to vote for both, too.

I'm angry when I hear my five year old quoting her father's JW-isms, and when she feels she can't tell him
what she's really feeling because she knows already, at this young age, that he'd rather hear the'right
answer than what she really feels in her heart.

I get angry when my sister insists that I'm under the influence of Satan just for thinking for myself.
When my mother mindlessly obeys Society decrees that even she knows are ridiculous, just because
"it's Jehovah's Organization and I'll be faithful until I die"

I'm overwhelmingly sad when I hear about my closer-than-sisters cousins. Knowing that they can't
just pick up the phone and call me when they miss me. My last memory of them is of them hugging me,
crying and telling me that I "have to come back".

Some days the sadness is so much I can't look at the websites. Sometimes I can't even work on my own
webpage because I just can't think about it another moment. I want to be free, I want to just leave
it all behind. Then I get another letter from someone who is where I was and I just can't turn away.

I want freedom from the whole mess for myself, my daughter, and my poor husband, who has
never been a witness and shakes his head daily, totally unable to understand the mindset.

I guess I'm just working toward that freedom one day at a time, and until then taking the emotions
as they come.

I didn't have professional help about leaving the JW's but I had it before that: and I know that it helped.
I would definately tell anyone who is overwhelmed to find a good therapist. That means that you
keep looking and trying them out until you find one you can really talk to. It's worth it.

Peace,
Essie

The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

6