Posts by ex-nj-jw

383

Thinking of becoming a Witness again and my reasons for doing so :(

by reniaa in

i've been a faded jw for 10 years i left because of my failed first marriage, i'm no hypocrite and realised i had left completely so i embraced the world and dived in, only christmas and birthdays i could not get into, they were too foreign to me having never celebrated them, like if i suddenly tried to do ramadan or something like that.. 1/ all the criticisms of the people in the truth you say on here, i've found in the world, warts and all only in the world nothing holds them back from being utterly horrible to you.. 2/ i got stabbed by a worldly boyfriend, i got married 2 times of my own choosing to men outside the truth, the first smoked and was an alcoholic, the second gambled every penny we had and defrauded me out of money after we separated, 2 divorces later i am currently pregnant and a single mum since current boyfriend decided kids was to much of a responsibility and he needed his freedom and i was 'too selfish to expect him to give up his life'.. 3/ parents-in-law!

i have been shunned by them as equal to anything you accuse witness families of and for the silliest of reasons, i had a disabled son and his grandparents said they wanted nothing to do with him because they didn't want to become attached in case he died.. 4/ i miss the honest friendships of the truth, i had friends of all ages from 14 to 80 years old and they genuinely cared for me, many trying to keep me in the faith a long time after i left but i was determined to fade so moved away completely, but i find friendships in the world so shallow in comparison and very hard to sustain :( i've never been a drinker and sometimes thats what friendship means you being a companion for them to goto pub with.. 5/ my recent boyfriend was in a christian religion, i thought why not find out about it, harvest churches if you ever heard of them, unfortunately it still hasn't stop him leaving me pregnant and alone and when i said to him how does he clear that with god, he replies "as long as i repent it doesn't matter" it's like he has a "get out of jail free card" for any wrong-doing in the bible, this is so alien to me and my witness trained conscience.. 6/ i recently out of frustration tried looking into atheism and joined their forums, it wasn't fun, they are as bombastic and arrogant as their religious counterparts can be from any religion, they make a religion out of not believing in god, it's very weird they talk of saving people from believing in god and offer nothing to replace it.

they said to me "be happy you are in reality now and enjoy it" and i thought "well if this is reality i've had enough of it".

ex-nj-jw

Okay, we've gone a little off topic but I'll answer anyway.

This would be true if you assume sexual compatibility stays the same as when you are first together. And I would also say sexual compatibility is only one aspect of how relationships survive and are strong.

Sexual compatibility does stay the same what changes is maybe how often or trying new things. I think you maybe referring to a marraige where the sex stops for whatever reason. That doesn't mean you are not compatible anymore just means that for whatever reason one of the partners has lost interest and if you have any interest in saving your marraige you'll find out why and fix it.

What if your partner make some weird noise during sex or just does things that irritates you to no end?

Oh yeah things can cool off but it's up to the couple to keep it interesting and try new thing to keep it spicy. Now if you marry someone and don't test drive how do you know if that person has an interest in trying new things or keeping the spice in the relationship? Maybe that person wants to only do missionary position and you just can have an orgasm in the missionary position what then. If you find out after the fact this person is a total dud or can't even get it up then it's too late.

Sex is one aspect but it is a very BIG aspect to having a happy marraige. I've been married to my husband for almost 22 years and we've had our share of problems, but sex was never one of them!

nj

383

Thinking of becoming a Witness again and my reasons for doing so :(

by reniaa in

i've been a faded jw for 10 years i left because of my failed first marriage, i'm no hypocrite and realised i had left completely so i embraced the world and dived in, only christmas and birthdays i could not get into, they were too foreign to me having never celebrated them, like if i suddenly tried to do ramadan or something like that.. 1/ all the criticisms of the people in the truth you say on here, i've found in the world, warts and all only in the world nothing holds them back from being utterly horrible to you.. 2/ i got stabbed by a worldly boyfriend, i got married 2 times of my own choosing to men outside the truth, the first smoked and was an alcoholic, the second gambled every penny we had and defrauded me out of money after we separated, 2 divorces later i am currently pregnant and a single mum since current boyfriend decided kids was to much of a responsibility and he needed his freedom and i was 'too selfish to expect him to give up his life'.. 3/ parents-in-law!

i have been shunned by them as equal to anything you accuse witness families of and for the silliest of reasons, i had a disabled son and his grandparents said they wanted nothing to do with him because they didn't want to become attached in case he died.. 4/ i miss the honest friendships of the truth, i had friends of all ages from 14 to 80 years old and they genuinely cared for me, many trying to keep me in the faith a long time after i left but i was determined to fade so moved away completely, but i find friendships in the world so shallow in comparison and very hard to sustain :( i've never been a drinker and sometimes thats what friendship means you being a companion for them to goto pub with.. 5/ my recent boyfriend was in a christian religion, i thought why not find out about it, harvest churches if you ever heard of them, unfortunately it still hasn't stop him leaving me pregnant and alone and when i said to him how does he clear that with god, he replies "as long as i repent it doesn't matter" it's like he has a "get out of jail free card" for any wrong-doing in the bible, this is so alien to me and my witness trained conscience.. 6/ i recently out of frustration tried looking into atheism and joined their forums, it wasn't fun, they are as bombastic and arrogant as their religious counterparts can be from any religion, they make a religion out of not believing in god, it's very weird they talk of saving people from believing in god and offer nothing to replace it.

they said to me "be happy you are in reality now and enjoy it" and i thought "well if this is reality i've had enough of it".

ex-nj-jw

One more thing, I didn't assume that it was casual sex with you and the bf my response about birth control was in direct resonse to you

you no longer have a choice about sex with men I find, they tend to see it as a right to "Try before they buy" attitude to commitment, and if i'm then left holding the baby (literatually in my case) with only child support to try and get from him, is it really my fault? surely some blame can be placed at this "free and easy worlds" door?

Once again you do have many choices - there are a million different types of birth control and as a last resort keep you legs closed and your panties on. If you don't want a "test drive" fine but don't blame other's because you do have a choice.

I think a test drive is very important - what if you don't and then you find out after you are married that you are not compatible sexually? Then you are stuck in a sexless miserable marraige. But again that is certainly a personal decision, just don't say you don't have a choice.

nj

383

Thinking of becoming a Witness again and my reasons for doing so :(

by reniaa in

i've been a faded jw for 10 years i left because of my failed first marriage, i'm no hypocrite and realised i had left completely so i embraced the world and dived in, only christmas and birthdays i could not get into, they were too foreign to me having never celebrated them, like if i suddenly tried to do ramadan or something like that.. 1/ all the criticisms of the people in the truth you say on here, i've found in the world, warts and all only in the world nothing holds them back from being utterly horrible to you.. 2/ i got stabbed by a worldly boyfriend, i got married 2 times of my own choosing to men outside the truth, the first smoked and was an alcoholic, the second gambled every penny we had and defrauded me out of money after we separated, 2 divorces later i am currently pregnant and a single mum since current boyfriend decided kids was to much of a responsibility and he needed his freedom and i was 'too selfish to expect him to give up his life'.. 3/ parents-in-law!

i have been shunned by them as equal to anything you accuse witness families of and for the silliest of reasons, i had a disabled son and his grandparents said they wanted nothing to do with him because they didn't want to become attached in case he died.. 4/ i miss the honest friendships of the truth, i had friends of all ages from 14 to 80 years old and they genuinely cared for me, many trying to keep me in the faith a long time after i left but i was determined to fade so moved away completely, but i find friendships in the world so shallow in comparison and very hard to sustain :( i've never been a drinker and sometimes thats what friendship means you being a companion for them to goto pub with.. 5/ my recent boyfriend was in a christian religion, i thought why not find out about it, harvest churches if you ever heard of them, unfortunately it still hasn't stop him leaving me pregnant and alone and when i said to him how does he clear that with god, he replies "as long as i repent it doesn't matter" it's like he has a "get out of jail free card" for any wrong-doing in the bible, this is so alien to me and my witness trained conscience.. 6/ i recently out of frustration tried looking into atheism and joined their forums, it wasn't fun, they are as bombastic and arrogant as their religious counterparts can be from any religion, they make a religion out of not believing in god, it's very weird they talk of saving people from believing in god and offer nothing to replace it.

they said to me "be happy you are in reality now and enjoy it" and i thought "well if this is reality i've had enough of it".

ex-nj-jw

As i've said from start tempting but hey I was kinda hoping for more biblical arguments and possibly some more christian group alternatives but you are perfectly right it could be time, you guys seem to know my mind better than I do!

Well I don't get into biblical arguments. The bible is a ancient story book as far as I'm concerned. My children are all grown up now so I do't have a need for fairytales and even then I'd never read them the bible! You started the thread, we are giving you our opinions based on your responses. No one knows your mind and I'm beginning to suspect that you don't either.

One question though, you guys don't think it's a little hypocritical saying it's your fault if things go wrong in your life outside the JW's get pregnant etc but in the next breath blame JW's for everything similar that happens while being a JW?

I was raised in this cult and I left with a newborn baby at age 18 with no help from my family. I didn't want the conditional love or support. So no, I don't blame the JW for anything because I took control of my life and have done quite well for past 25 years if I must say so myself. The choices I make are mine and mine alone. No one else is responsible for the decisions I make or have made. When things go wrong I readjust and learn from it I don't look to blame anyone or anything for it. Good luck with your children and your journey back to the cult. Let us know when they turn their backs on you, K? nj

383

Thinking of becoming a Witness again and my reasons for doing so :(

by reniaa in

i've been a faded jw for 10 years i left because of my failed first marriage, i'm no hypocrite and realised i had left completely so i embraced the world and dived in, only christmas and birthdays i could not get into, they were too foreign to me having never celebrated them, like if i suddenly tried to do ramadan or something like that.. 1/ all the criticisms of the people in the truth you say on here, i've found in the world, warts and all only in the world nothing holds them back from being utterly horrible to you.. 2/ i got stabbed by a worldly boyfriend, i got married 2 times of my own choosing to men outside the truth, the first smoked and was an alcoholic, the second gambled every penny we had and defrauded me out of money after we separated, 2 divorces later i am currently pregnant and a single mum since current boyfriend decided kids was to much of a responsibility and he needed his freedom and i was 'too selfish to expect him to give up his life'.. 3/ parents-in-law!

i have been shunned by them as equal to anything you accuse witness families of and for the silliest of reasons, i had a disabled son and his grandparents said they wanted nothing to do with him because they didn't want to become attached in case he died.. 4/ i miss the honest friendships of the truth, i had friends of all ages from 14 to 80 years old and they genuinely cared for me, many trying to keep me in the faith a long time after i left but i was determined to fade so moved away completely, but i find friendships in the world so shallow in comparison and very hard to sustain :( i've never been a drinker and sometimes thats what friendship means you being a companion for them to goto pub with.. 5/ my recent boyfriend was in a christian religion, i thought why not find out about it, harvest churches if you ever heard of them, unfortunately it still hasn't stop him leaving me pregnant and alone and when i said to him how does he clear that with god, he replies "as long as i repent it doesn't matter" it's like he has a "get out of jail free card" for any wrong-doing in the bible, this is so alien to me and my witness trained conscience.. 6/ i recently out of frustration tried looking into atheism and joined their forums, it wasn't fun, they are as bombastic and arrogant as their religious counterparts can be from any religion, they make a religion out of not believing in god, it's very weird they talk of saving people from believing in god and offer nothing to replace it.

they said to me "be happy you are in reality now and enjoy it" and i thought "well if this is reality i've had enough of it".

ex-nj-jw

you no longer have a choice about sex with men I find, they tend to see it as a right to "Try before they buy" attitude to commitment, and if i'm then left holding the baby (literatually in my case) with only child support to try and get from him, is it really my fault? surely some blame can be placed at this "free and easy worlds" door?

I have two words for that BIRTH CONTROL!!! Or keep your legs closed! It's your choice that is unless you were raped then that's a whole other story!

After reading all 10 pages it seems to me that you want to go back and you are trying to convince us to convince you to go back. That's not needed! Put your big girl panties on and make a decision. Go back, why go round and round with us heathens here when what you really want is a religion to make everything in your life good? Stop blaming everything outside of the JW organization for your problems. The world as you so freely through around is the same place the JW's live, eat, sleep, work, raise children, etc. They are NO different than anyone else on this earth.

Sheesh! Run quickly to your nearest kingdom hall, through yourself at the elders feet, confess you sins, do you punishment and get on with your life!

nj

25

This Past Week Has Been Hell!

by XJW4EVR in

jw
friends

last friday morning, my wife was attacked while waiting to transfer between buses.

normally, she has the car, and i commute to school, however this day i had to take the car in for some repairs, and then commute to school.

she fought off this guy for some time, and walked away with scratches, scrapes, and some bruises.

ex-nj-jw

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

You can't blame yourself for this. Just be there for you wife to help her through this! Take care of her and yourself.

nj

36

Courting couples in the JW having sex together before marriage?

by chikikie in

i left about 8 years ago, at the grand old age of 24, basically being an unmarried mum of 1 (baptised when my girl was 11months old) and the 'tipping point for me' when elder sisters tried to set me up for marriage to a 64year old elder, as that would be the only man willing to marry a girl such as myself.

i ran away, i moved 300miles away.

there should be a witness pretection programme ;).

ex-nj-jw

said ok then, dont hesitate to ask mummy if you want to know anything else

Chikie that's what I'm talking about! Be honest, use terms they are familiar with and age appropriate and most of all don't make a big deal out of it so they will feel comfortable talking to you in the future!

I have 3 boys (25, 20 and 17) and we've had that type of relationship since they were little. Now that they are older they sometimes tell me things I really don't want to know but I try to compose myself and listen anyway and give advise as needed!

nj

43

Why do the majorityof JW's look so happy at the hall?

by JH in

jw
friends

each time i go, i see a bunch of happy people, young and old.

some smile more than others, but just about everyone seems happy to be there.. maybe we left because we weren't that happy, rather than finding flaws in the religion.. maybe they look happy because they aren't allowed to look sad..

ex-nj-jw

I wonder how many people would think it would be funny if the CD started skipping badly and could not be fixed when they try playing that sxxx

They wouldn't think it was funny - they'd start calling out Jehoobie, Jehoobie because obviously it's Satan and his demons silly

nj

32

Dubs and doorbells -- has there been some "new light"?

by parakeet in

jw
friends

this afternoon my husband looked out the window and saw two unmistakable dubs shuffling up our street.

he didn't have time to warn me before they came to our door (he knows i get a bit testy whenever they visit).

i was in a nearby room, but heard nothing, saw nothing.

ex-nj-jw

When I was a kid I never rang the bell. I always lightly put my finger over the button as if I was pressing it. This worked until one day when my mom gave it a second press and it rang like a church bell . Boy did I get the beating of my life after that one, Jehoobie was very disappointed in me. At least that was what my mom told me, I guess she had a direct line to the old geezer and he'd tell her every time he was disappointed in me and what that level of disappointment was

nj

36

Courting couples in the JW having sex together before marriage?

by chikikie in

i left about 8 years ago, at the grand old age of 24, basically being an unmarried mum of 1 (baptised when my girl was 11months old) and the 'tipping point for me' when elder sisters tried to set me up for marriage to a 64year old elder, as that would be the only man willing to marry a girl such as myself.

i ran away, i moved 300miles away.

there should be a witness pretection programme ;).

ex-nj-jw

The whole idea of people making such an important and costly committment to each other without taking each other for a test drive is idiotic.

nj

5

When a little girl is abused.....

by lisavegas420 in

when any one of jehovah's witnesses is accused of an act of child abuse, the local congregation elders are expected to investigate.

two elders meet separately with the accused and the accuser to see what each says on the matter.

if the accused denies the charge, the two elders may arrange for him and the victim to restate their position in each other's presence, with elders also there.

ex-nj-jw

Yeah, kinda makes you want to take the buisness end of a hammer to their brains and straighten them out

nj