Posts by hazeleyes

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

Jgnat, most of it makes sense. a few things are different...Hubby will never leave again. He told me that when I asked him to leave before. He told me that he needs me too much and with out me he is better off dead. So if I did decided to kick him out I would have to have him removed by the cops, that is the only way i would be able to get him out. I would much rather stay in my house and keep my things but if it did come down to it I would leave with nothing but the kids.

My parents wouldn't have a problem with going back to school, because I did before...I never finished, but i have a student loan now that i can't afford to pay back

Hubby did leave for another woman but nothing happened with her...once he left me she wasn't interested in him, I can't see him stepping out on me because of all his problems right now the only stuff he does is the chatting online, because he can pretend to be someone else.

One thing about me is that I try to make everyone else happy, not thinking about myself. I can't do that anymore....I can't handle it anymore.

As for my MIL she knows if she goes too far I won't let her have much association with the kids. that would be really hard on her because she is one of those people who have to control EVERYTHING!!

I did have an elder tell me that they would support me in whatever I decide to do (leave hubby or not) as long as what I decide is for the benefit of myself and children spiritually. Thats all fine and good but i haven't had anyone ask how I was doing what's going on if I need any food or anything. So they are really showing their concern.

I was in a cong. once that asked for food donations for someone in the cong. who didn't have any food. At the time I had very little, I was a single mom with a baby(just after hubby left the first time) I started to think that some of the food might be coming to me...(there was a lot of food).... Yet nothing came to me and even though I told the elders I had nothing, no one helped!

I'm starting to realize that the only help I can get is to help myself. I used to depending on everyone else, I can't do that anymore. thanks for all your advice.

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

Thanks for all your help and suggestions...I wasn't on all day yesterday 'cos my hubby fooled up the puter and had to format

anyway i'll be be on here off and on today!!

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

You have no idea what all your kind words, help and support mean to me!! Thanks so much!

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

Being a JW all my life, this is all I have ever known. I don't know anything about the "world" or depending on other people or social organizations, or looking for help outside the cong. I have started seeing a psychiatrist, and that is helping a bit but i only just started that. You have to understand that this is all new to me, i thought I would have this perfect little life and marry an elder and live forever in paradise. Life isn't like that so i have to get my mind around that, as well as deal with all this other crap.

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

I can get funding from the govt. when he is 18 mts....before that it's all private care and I'll pay more for that then I pay for my house a month. Don't worry can't get preg. again...I got fixed after the second one. not like we have much of a sex life anyway. as for the mental abuse...if you have ever been you know how hard it is to break the cycle, I just thought I would have some help, but i guess I have to go at it alone

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

ya my MIL is one screwed up B#$%@. One had she is buying smokes for her husband (FIL non-JW) and the other had bugging me to get my act together and get to more meetings.

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

I am on Social Services now(ppl at the hall make me feel like crap because of it) 'cos he's not working, and I have a baby who just turned 1, so I can't work yet until he turns 18 mts and I can put him in daycare. Hubby can't look after the kids because of his mental state. If i leave him and the house, etc. I have no one to help. I'm scared to do this all on my own, but it doesn't seem like anyone wants to help anyway. If I do leave him I'm afraid that he might hurt himself and then everyone will blame me.

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

sorry it was my first post and didn't know the formatting..lol

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

I can't move in with his parents...his mother is one of those two faced JW's......she is all high and mighty to the elders and cong. but she is a back stabber and makes my life hell.....plus I'm not allowed to kick my husband out or leave him it's not the right thing to do, so she says!!!!

36

So I don't know where to start, so here is my story........

by hazeleyes in

i've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, i just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that i'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers.

so here goes...... born a jw, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong.

when all my friends were up to badness.

hazeleyes

I've been searching around at all the posts her just reading and trying to figure things out for myself, I just don't know what to do anymore, so i guessed that I'd tell you all my story and hopefully get some kinda answers. Ok! So here goes...... born a JW, have been one all my life, baptized at 13 and was the good little girl in the cong. when all my friends were up to badness. Went pioneering right out of high school just like the good girl i am. Met a JW boy from a different Prov. and Started to get to know him....3 years later we were married that was almost 10 years ago. That's the sweet little version. Ok so all the other stuff.... My parents "got the truth" just as my older brother was born and less than two years later I came along so they were new in the "truth". I don't remember much of the early stuff only going to the hall and having lots of get together's. Fast forward to when I was 3 and my uncle (non-jw) abused me several times. Once he had his bedroom door locked and my mom came to find me(he was a lot younger than my mom and still living home with my grandparents) after supper at my grandparents one night and after she got me out of there when he finally got me dressed and unlocked the door, she took me to the bathroom and asked me what was going on. I told her what he had done, etc and that was the end of it. I was never asked about it and nothing was ever said about it. I don't know why my parents didn't do anything about it, report it or even say anything to me, even though this new religion that I was born into was so much around family values , etc. So fast forward past my whole childhood, and teens and we come to my first boyfriend, 18 at the time and a reg. pioneer. we started dating ..through letters and phone calls at first because of distance, and then he moved to my prov. to be close to me. So the physical side of dating started....which being the good little girl that I was, it was all new to me (having repressed the memories of when I was 3.) This fine young brother, was lets just say was quite.... for lack of a better word "horney"! Every time we were together he found a way to touch me, I was feeling trapped. He fingered me in the back seat of my brother car while my brother was driving!!! So this touching and playing around got more advanced so that finally we had sex. I was feeling like I was a little kid again..and i didn't know why, scared to say no or tell him he went too far. I started to remember when I was 3. He was the first person I told about what happened to me, it didn't change much of what was going on. It seemed like every chance he got we were having sex. I'm just thankful that he wrapped it up!!!! I don't know what I would have done if I had gotten preg. Anyway, after a 1 1/2 years of dating we got engaged and then another 1 1/2 years later we got married.....I kinda felt forced to go thru with it knowing if I broke it off and the elders found out what we had done it would destroy my family. needless to say he did open his big mouth and tell someone in not so many words after we were married, this person used that information when she was trying to come back after being Df'ed. Needed to give the elders something on someone else to get back in their good books sorta speak. Long story short we got private reproof(just before our 2nd anniversary) and no one found out, no family anyway, just the JC. We moved away from family a little bit after that to a city where we didn't know anybody. Fresh start!!! ya right! we were drifting more apart and he wasn't doing anything for the "truth" working all the time , etc. He was into porn and stuff like that. I got preg. and he seemed to change a little because of the baby coming. Our son was born and i saw him less and less, until one night he came home from hanging out with friends from work and told me that he doesn't love me anymore he hasn't loved me for a long time. He DA'ed himself and left me and the baby (7mts old) I was a in a state, I didn't know what to do or where to turn, the cong. wasn't much help, I did get a few invites out to supper, one from this really nice family that I have lost touch with. they had two young kids and we had pizza, I just felt like they understood what I was going thru. To get back at him I did some things with a co-worker of his that he didn't like very much. Sweet pay back but now I regret it. So I moved back home, kinda forced by my parents ...afraid that I would leave the "truth". Basically I was gone, taking in to account the "payback" that I now regret.( I haven't told anybody 'bout any of that) Study was started with me and I got back on my feet again. My long lost husband came crawling back and begged me to take him back, i did and he got reinstated. Things were good for a while but he fell into his rut again, we moved to be close to his family (most are JW's) and things just got worse. He hasn't been working due to stress and depression for 3 years, we have since had a second son and I have PPD. Our oldest has special needs and I'm not getting any help form the cong. at all.....I have gone to the elders so many times asking for help not knowing what to do should I leave my husband, because I can't take it anymore...I'm basically a single mom now with 3 kids not 2. no help from him at all. we hardly have money for food and I've told the elders that, but yet I'm still waiting to see some form of help. I just don't know what to do I need help and I have no one to turn to, is it worth sticking around the cong. even with out any help or is there no point, they will never help or support me in what ever I decide to do. I have to do what's best for my kids and myself....I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!