"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss
Mincan
JoinedPosts by Mincan
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Mincan
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Mincan
Actually, this is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. It's quite frustrating because it's like arguing the bible with a witness. As soon as you make some sense, they switch to a different topic and try to throw you off. It's better to just not have a converstation with them in the first place. Failing that, keep it short and sweet.
I have been diagnosed with this by my psychiatrist (I know this proxy my support worker, she asks me questions all the time designed to test me) . However, projection with me isn't quite like you describe. I project as a coping mechanism, but this is where other facets of their personality comes in, the projection can be used effectively to deflect pain from themselves, it does not have to hurt anyone else. Projection is one of the coping mechanisms I haven't used very much, my big two are disassociation (!) and compartmentalisation (!), along with the obvious self-medicating, which along with my ADHD is a constant battle, thanks to Ritalin though, my consumption of cannabis and alcohol has dropped 95%! I don't use deflection either... I'm very sensitive to criticism (BPD/ADHD Double whammy) but I take it on the inside, and then I use the splitting ALL THE TIME, and it drives me crazy. Did anyone mention the splitting? Splitting is where they take a person on the last thing that was said or done to them. Borderlines have no relationship contextual continuation. Every statement made by anyone is taken without any context of the previous history of the relationship. It really sucks. In relationships (even people on JWD) I may go a long time without talking to them directly because I don't want to ruin the relationship or I've imagine rejection or abandonment somewhere and retreat. I beg the person not to take it personally if they notice this, it will cycle and they will be again in my good books. Unlike some borderlines, I don't do anything to the person when I consider them all bad, it's like they don't exist to me then.
It's sad because the people that have it are never happy. They constantly feel chaos inside of themselve and the only time they feel relatively OK is when they are distracting themselves (a lot of times with drugs or reckless behavior)
Sigh, yea... it's a great life. What a nice description from someone who doesn't have it.
They are very jealous of the peace that people who love themselves have. It drives them up a tree.
I envy, I'm not jealous. The difference being I get sad, not angry and feeling cheated. I don't necessarily care what others have, just what I do, peace of mind chief among them. Peace of mind is my life's quest (and loving myself as you mention, everything I do is based on whether I can love myself and if it conforms to my perfectionist core belief system (this is the main reason leaving the JWs effected me), and it will never happen. Add to this I have ADHD (so that means I have lower baseline self-esteem and you get ...
In my personal case, my family member that suffers is a lot more creative than I am, but doesn't do anything with his or her abilities and then thinks I'm trying to show him or her up when I win an award or something.
I will never live up to my potential thanks to ADHD and Borderline. It's pretty common too, 25% of ADHD people also have cormobid Borderline. Over 60% have cormorbid anxiety and depression.
What sucks is people look at me and see a normal "non ill" person, but have no Fing clue about my head, and how well a person can learn to hide their pain. Those closest to me that I've given up trying to hide it from may see me staring off into space a hell of a lot with grimace.
"Have you thought about this?" "What are your plans?" "When are you going to get a job?" "Why don't you ever visit us?" "Why do you seem so distant?" "Don't be a stranger." I know why my psychiatrist doesn't openly talk to me, he knows my only defence is hiding, and by his silence I have to bring my concerns to the fore and choose my words carefully.
I have like this perfect clusterfuck tridesta of things that work on each other, if you understand psychology put these three together and think of all the great ways they are alike and compliment each other - ADHD (with its comorbidities anxiety and depression), Borderline, ISFP
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176
You Who Have Been on the Board For Awhile - What Are your Concerns ?
by flipper inwell, it's late.
i need to go to sleep, got home from work, but i thought i started a newbie thread why not a thread for those who have been on the board a long time , or for awhile now ?
so, lay it on me, what are your concerns for jwd ?
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Mincan
I have read some of your posts the past few days Mincan and I have concluded that farting with either of your mouths is probably your only real achievment in life. Clear thinking certainly is not one of them.
First off, I have to say I'm smiling heartily while I type this... now...
You should perhaps read more than some of my posts. It will learn you something.
I should also say that I'm biting the lips of this upper mouth of mine from using profanity and the like. It will only get me in trouble and it will prove your statement that I can't think clearly wrong.
Suck on that!
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Favorite Fast Food
by El Kabong ini am jonesing for some white castles!
but, sadly, they are not in this area.
those little burgers with the onions fresh off the grill, oh!!
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Mincan
Mincan - I'll take you there next trip back to Ohio.
Cool! I've never been to one either...
Is it sad that the thing I'm coming to Ohio to experience (other than your company of course ) is a hamburger joint? Well I'll say the state is lucky to have you!
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24
Do You Remember The Last Time
by journey-on inlong time faders and those who have been out for a while....do you remember your last day in field service or your last meeting?.
my last day in field service was a "million" years ago.
but, i remember it vividly.
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Mincan
My last regularly scheduled meeting was January 25 2007.
I remember the conversation I had with the School Overseer that I wouldn't be around to do the talk he had me scheduled for in March. In retrospect I wonder why I even bothered to do that. Hmmm, I must not be an asshole.
Other than that it was a normal near-coma experience of Thursday TMS/SM.
I went to one "Special Assembly" and the 2007 District Convention after that, but in a completely different fashion, as an ex-JW. I have nothing against going there again, who knows someone might invite me and I might feel like going. It's something to do, and I'm impulsive as hell. The conventions are such a force of habit plus as an ex-JW they are just so entertaining to me, I'll probably go to one this year... I have no plans to cause trouble anymore as in the past, but going to one of those drunk and baked out of my mind would probably be very good for my heart!
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A question about wireless internet connection....
by Gregor in... we have left it unsecured, that is, no password to access it.
i know this means that someone near by can use our connection, but what are the dangers of this, if any?
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Mincan
I wouldn't do it.
If you live in a dense area, you'll be wondering why you can only download stuff at 10kbps, because everyone and his neighbour is downloading porn using your connection and stealing your 2mbps connection. I should be able to download at 525kbps if I'm the only one accessing our wireless network.
It's real easy to encrypt, do it!
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Mincan
I don't lie often but I'm very machiavellian, and am good at mentioning only the details germane to the situation.
When I lie, it's morally justifiable to me. Ex. A cop asking me if I've been smoking cannabis... (never happened and never would but you get my drift) I pay my taxes honestly, etc, so I would never lie to the government when it comes to my responsibilities, but not when it comes to my rights.
For me lying has shifted from a black and white area from dubdom do a grey area, as has everything else. I would not lie to cause harm to people, but I will lie to protect myself from harm. For example I used to not even tell white lies (well I actually don't really like this meatloaf) but now it's just so much easier with stupid little shit like that to get it over with.
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76
Favorite Fast Food
by El Kabong ini am jonesing for some white castles!
but, sadly, they are not in this area.
those little burgers with the onions fresh off the grill, oh!!
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Mincan
I try to go somewhere different every single time because it feels right. Because of my OCD (im not afraid anymore to relate how neurotic I am! ) I cannot order the same thing of anything (burger, side, drink) more than once, without getting something else first... usually I alternate my favourites:
SubwaysDouble Stacked Italian BMT with everything on it except black olives.
Arby'sBacon and Chese, Deluxe Baked Potatoe, Curly Fries, and Milkshake! (Arby's is generally my favourite greaseburgers joint, but they aren't in everyplace, thanking my lucky stars there's one in NFO)
McDonald'sBig Mac, how original....
Wendy'sBig Bacon Classic
Can you tell bacon is my favourite foodgroup?
We do not have White Castles anywhere in Ontario I've been...
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176
You Who Have Been on the Board For Awhile - What Are your Concerns ?
by flipper inwell, it's late.
i need to go to sleep, got home from work, but i thought i started a newbie thread why not a thread for those who have been on the board a long time , or for awhile now ?
so, lay it on me, what are your concerns for jwd ?
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Mincan
*makes fart sound with his mouth in reply to the above post*
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24
Do You Remember The Last Time
by journey-on inlong time faders and those who have been out for a while....do you remember your last day in field service or your last meeting?.
my last day in field service was a "million" years ago.
but, i remember it vividly.
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Mincan
Ya, I remember it, it was cool. I was with a new guy in our hall around my age, a year younger I believe, one of those asses that pretends to be all spiritual but does the bad shit behind everyone's ass...er back . Anyway, I knew I was leaving at the end of the month, yes I was in for about 3 weeks after I decided to leave, only because I was moving at the end of the month anyway so why make any fuss?
It was country territory, as was 80% of this congregation's territory. So service this day consisted of driving a minute to two to each farm/house, and a pair getting out while the other pair stayed in the car and watched. It was cool because it meant you only had to take every 4th house/farm.
So we go up to the door, him and I are working together, and my step-grandmother and his mother are the other pair, I come up to the door and pretend to knock, but just stop my knuckles a couple millimetres before the door repeatedly. Then I stop and look at him. He doesn't know how to respond, and gives me a nervous smile. I say "they'll never be able to tell I'm not really knocking" then he laughs a bit. I can't stop smiling. In my entire life of twenty years I'd never though of thinking about doing something like that. So he's kind of smiling a bit but I got a huge puppy grin on my face. They ask what's so funny, I just brush it off as nothing.
I did that the entire morning, he never did though, which is another reason he's an ass. If he didn't believe the truth and did all the stuff I knew he was doing, that's one thing. Obviously he really did believe it, so he's got no integrity or loyalty.
By the way, the reason I call this new guy an ass even though I don't know him is because he's connected to someone I truly dispise, my old stonemason boss. When I started working for him he paid me nine dollars an hour. Since this guy that moved there related to me that the same guy offered him seventeen dollars an hour to start since they were friends, yeah...that's basically it. I worked 6 months before even asking for a raise, and I got a measely buck. Truly, to put this in perspective, I could have flipped burgers at McDonalds for even more than that, and I wouldn't have destroyed most of the cartilage in my right knee cap, dislocated two discs in my back and twisted three lower vertabrae in 35degree angles, and would have a lot more options open to me now... these injuries are chronic.
That's my last day in service.